ABOUT ME: my name is jessica im 16 and i live in pennsylvania In all i'm really a nice person and very understanding im not a judgmental person at all....but if disrespect me i can turn into quite a bitch and be very spiteful (just ask my very best friend samiixoxo..yeah thats her sn..sorry sam but im letting u tell all the stories bout me even if its jus crazy ass funny)...but other then that if ur nice to me i'm very nice to you.
I use to care what people thought of me but then i just decided i dont care anymore..they can talk crap about me and i'll just laugh it off (in other words i really could not give a shit what you say about me/).
Im bi n though i may hid it and pretend im normal im not i have a very wild side to me and when im with sam i show it. and i dont care if u think its gross that im going out with a grl, its who i am and im learning to live and love it (in a way).
OH YEAH!! im not going out with her any more....im engaged to her!!!!!!
I i'm half white and half spanish (el salvidorian to be exact) but i dont speak any spanish.
type of music i like: rap, hip hop, rock, classical music
my dearist AP friends: samiixoxo, wildmonkey ,wolf255, steven brewer, and Esgon of tyr
♥__♥___♥__♥ Put this
♥___♥_♥___♥ heart
_♥___♥___♥_ on your
__♥_____♥__ page if
___♥___♥___ you love
____♥_♥____ someone
_____♥_____ very much
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
710
The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a 710 cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a 710 cap?"
She said, "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost some how and I need a new one."
What kind of a car is it on," they asked? Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun 710, but no, she said it's a Pontiac.
"OK lady, how big is it?"
She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. ”What does it do?," we asked.
She said, "I don't know, but it's always been there."
We gave her a note pad and asked if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710.
The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it...and they just fall down behind the counter laughing so hard in hysterics.
(To Find Out Why He Was In Hysterics... draw a circle, write 710 in the middle of it, and turn it upside down.)
Yes, she was a blonde..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHAT U ARE
MONTH YOU WERE BORN
JANUARY-----------I KICKED
FEBRUARY---------I PUNCHED
MARCH-------------I HAD SEX WITH
APRIL---------------I MADE OUT WITH
MAY-----------------I SLAPPED
JUNE----------------I BITCH SLAPPED
JULY-----------------I DREAMED ABOUT
AUGUST------------I KISSED
SEPTEMBER--------I MESSED UP
OCTOBER-----------I KILLED
NOVEMBER---------I BEAT UP
DECEMBER---------I RAPPED ABOUT
- DAY [NUMBER] YOU WERE BORN ON
1--------MY NEIGHBOR
2--------MY EX
3--------MYSELF
4--------YOU
5--------A HOE
6--------A HOBO
7--------A LAWN MOWER
8--------P.DIDDY
9--------A MEXICAN
10------- A NERD
11-------MY BOYFRIEND
12-------A TREE
13-------A PREP
14-------A PICKLE
15-------A HOMO
16-------A FOOTBALL PLAYER
17-------A WHITE BOY
18-------A SPOON
19-------A LESBIAN
20-------A SEXY BITCH
21-------SPONGEBOB
22------- A GOTH
23-------A BANANA
24------- MY BEST FRIENDS BOY FRIEND
25-------1000 PEOPLE
26-------A NOODLE
27------- HIM/HER
28-------A GANGSTER
29-------MY TRUE LOVE
30-------MY FRIENDS PANTS
31-------MY UNCLE
- COLOR OF YOUR SHIRT
WHITE---------BECAUSE THAT BITCH STOLE MY TACO
BLACK----------BECAUSE IM EMO
PINK------------BECAUSE IM BALLIN
YELLOW--------BECAUSE THE VOICES TOLD ME TO.
TIE DIE------------BECAUSE I CAN DO THAT SHIT
GREEN----------BECAUSE THAT’S HOW I ROLL
PURPLE---------BECAUSE I CAN
GRAY------------BECAUSE I KEEP IT GANGSTA
NO SHIRT OR IN A TOWL------BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
ORANGE-------- BECAUSE I LOVE HIM/HER
RED-------------BECAUSE I GOT HIGH
TEAL------------BECAUSE I WAS DRUNK.
BROWN--------- BECAUSE IM SEXY AND I DO WHATEVER I WANT.
STRIPED--------BECAUSE UR MOM SAID SO
TURQUOISE----BECAUSE i was borde
TAN-------------BECAUSE HE WAS FINE
BLUE---------BECAUSE IM IN LOVE
OTHER----------BECAUSE IT WAS ILLEGAL
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MISTAKEN
Joe and John were identical twins.
Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it.
He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.
Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his absence.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery.
A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her."
"She was a rotten old thing from the beginning."
"Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish."
"She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too."
"Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy."
"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time."
"I warned them that she wasn't very good and that she smelled bad, but they wanted her anyway."
"The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle."
The old woman fainted.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND OLD SANTA WAS PISSED
Twas the night before Christmas
old Santa was pissed,
He cussd out the elves
and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats,
Ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind,
To scrap the whole works.
I've busted my ass
for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" what do I hear..
The old lady bitches
cause I work late at night
the elves want more money
And the reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk
and goosed all the maids.
Donner is Pregnant
Vixon has AIDS
And just when I thought
That things would get better,
The IRS,
They sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes,
If that aint damn funny..
Who the hell ever
Sent Santa any money?
And the kids these days,
They all are the pits.
They want the impossible,
Those mean little shits.
I spent a whole year
Making wagons and sleds
with no request for them
They want computers and Robots,
They think I am IBM
If you think that is bad
Picture this..
Try holding those brats
with their pants full of piss.
They pull on my nose,
They grab at my beard
And if I don't smile,
The parents think I'm weird
Flying through the air,
Dodging the trees.
Falling down chimneys
And skinning my knees.
I quit this job,
There is just no enjoyment
I'm going to sit on my fat ass
And collect unemployment
There is NO Christmas this year
Now you know the reason
I found me a blonde
and heading SOUTH for the season....
..........................................................
'Twas The Night Before Christmas In Jail
'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the cells
The convicts were locked up
All madder than hell
Except for the lifers
Kicked back in their bunks
Heads filled with visions
Of fat little punks
When suddenly from the roof top
There arose such a roar
That the bulls thought it was
A riot for sure
The goon squad ran in
And stood ready to hit
A big guard yelled out
Who started this shit
It came from the roof top
Sniveled a snitch
It must be a breakout
Oh, son of a bitch
They climbed to the roof
By way of the stairs
Found a fat little freak
In red underwear
No, No yelled the dude
I bring you good cheer
Damn said the Captain
We found us a queer
Alright mother fucker
Get your hands on the wall
They shook him down good
Asshole and all
They beat him and threw him
Into the hole with a kick
Well so much for Christmas
They locked up St. Nick
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last FlingTwo old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few beers they end up at the local brothel.The madam takes one look at the two old geezers (Art and Gary) and whispers to her manager, "Go up to the first bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.As they are walking home the first man says "you know, I think my girl was dead!""Dead? says his friend, "why would you say that?""Well, she never moved or made a sound all the whole time I was loving her!"His friend says "I think mine was a witch!""A witch?" says the first" "why the hell would say that?""Well " the first man replies "I was making love to her, kissing her neck and when I gave her a little bite on the neck, she farted and flew out the window!"
I use to care what people thought of me but then i just decided i dont care anymore..they can talk crap about me and i'll just laugh it off (in other words i really could not give a shit what you say about me/).
Im bi n though i may hid it and pretend im normal im not i have a very wild side to me and when im with sam i show it. and i dont care if u think its gross that im going out with a grl, its who i am and im learning to live and love it (in a way).
OH YEAH!! im not going out with her any more....im engaged to her!!!!!!
I i'm half white and half spanish (el salvidorian to be exact) but i dont speak any spanish.
type of music i like: rap, hip hop, rock, classical music
my dearist AP friends: samiixoxo, wildmonkey ,wolf255, steven brewer, and Esgon of tyr
♥__♥___♥__♥ Put this
♥___♥_♥___♥ heart
_♥___♥___♥_ on your
__♥_____♥__ page if
___♥___♥___ you love
____♥_♥____ someone
_____♥_____ very much
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
710
The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a 710 cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a 710 cap?"
She said, "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost some how and I need a new one."
What kind of a car is it on," they asked? Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun 710, but no, she said it's a Pontiac.
"OK lady, how big is it?"
She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. ”What does it do?," we asked.
She said, "I don't know, but it's always been there."
We gave her a note pad and asked if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710.
The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it...and they just fall down behind the counter laughing so hard in hysterics.
(To Find Out Why He Was In Hysterics... draw a circle, write 710 in the middle of it, and turn it upside down.)
Yes, she was a blonde..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHAT U ARE
MONTH YOU WERE BORN
JANUARY-----------I KICKED
FEBRUARY---------I PUNCHED
MARCH-------------I HAD SEX WITH
APRIL---------------I MADE OUT WITH
MAY-----------------I SLAPPED
JUNE----------------I BITCH SLAPPED
JULY-----------------I DREAMED ABOUT
AUGUST------------I KISSED
SEPTEMBER--------I MESSED UP
OCTOBER-----------I KILLED
NOVEMBER---------I BEAT UP
DECEMBER---------I RAPPED ABOUT
- DAY [NUMBER] YOU WERE BORN ON
1--------MY NEIGHBOR
2--------MY EX
3--------MYSELF
4--------YOU
5--------A HOE
6--------A HOBO
7--------A LAWN MOWER
8--------P.DIDDY
9--------A MEXICAN
10------- A NERD
11-------MY BOYFRIEND
12-------A TREE
13-------A PREP
14-------A PICKLE
15-------A HOMO
16-------A FOOTBALL PLAYER
17-------A WHITE BOY
18-------A SPOON
19-------A LESBIAN
20-------A SEXY BITCH
21-------SPONGEBOB
22------- A GOTH
23-------A BANANA
24------- MY BEST FRIENDS BOY FRIEND
25-------1000 PEOPLE
26-------A NOODLE
27------- HIM/HER
28-------A GANGSTER
29-------MY TRUE LOVE
30-------MY FRIENDS PANTS
31-------MY UNCLE
- COLOR OF YOUR SHIRT
WHITE---------BECAUSE THAT BITCH STOLE MY TACO
BLACK----------BECAUSE IM EMO
PINK------------BECAUSE IM BALLIN
YELLOW--------BECAUSE THE VOICES TOLD ME TO.
TIE DIE------------BECAUSE I CAN DO THAT SHIT
GREEN----------BECAUSE THAT’S HOW I ROLL
PURPLE---------BECAUSE I CAN
GRAY------------BECAUSE I KEEP IT GANGSTA
NO SHIRT OR IN A TOWL------BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
ORANGE-------- BECAUSE I LOVE HIM/HER
RED-------------BECAUSE I GOT HIGH
TEAL------------BECAUSE I WAS DRUNK.
BROWN--------- BECAUSE IM SEXY AND I DO WHATEVER I WANT.
STRIPED--------BECAUSE UR MOM SAID SO
TURQUOISE----BECAUSE i was borde
TAN-------------BECAUSE HE WAS FINE
BLUE---------BECAUSE IM IN LOVE
OTHER----------BECAUSE IT WAS ILLEGAL
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MISTAKEN
Joe and John were identical twins.
Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.
One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it.
He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.
Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his absence.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery.
A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her."
"She was a rotten old thing from the beginning."
"Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish."
"She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too."
"Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy."
"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time."
"I warned them that she wasn't very good and that she smelled bad, but they wanted her anyway."
"The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle."
The old woman fainted.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND OLD SANTA WAS PISSED
Twas the night before Christmas
old Santa was pissed,
He cussd out the elves
and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats,
Ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind,
To scrap the whole works.
I've busted my ass
for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" what do I hear..
The old lady bitches
cause I work late at night
the elves want more money
And the reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk
and goosed all the maids.
Donner is Pregnant
Vixon has AIDS
And just when I thought
That things would get better,
The IRS,
They sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes,
If that aint damn funny..
Who the hell ever
Sent Santa any money?
And the kids these days,
They all are the pits.
They want the impossible,
Those mean little shits.
I spent a whole year
Making wagons and sleds
with no request for them
They want computers and Robots,
They think I am IBM
If you think that is bad
Picture this..
Try holding those brats
with their pants full of piss.
They pull on my nose,
They grab at my beard
And if I don't smile,
The parents think I'm weird
Flying through the air,
Dodging the trees.
Falling down chimneys
And skinning my knees.
I quit this job,
There is just no enjoyment
I'm going to sit on my fat ass
And collect unemployment
There is NO Christmas this year
Now you know the reason
I found me a blonde
and heading SOUTH for the season....
..........................................................
'Twas The Night Before Christmas In Jail
'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the cells
The convicts were locked up
All madder than hell
Except for the lifers
Kicked back in their bunks
Heads filled with visions
Of fat little punks
When suddenly from the roof top
There arose such a roar
That the bulls thought it was
A riot for sure
The goon squad ran in
And stood ready to hit
A big guard yelled out
Who started this shit
It came from the roof top
Sniveled a snitch
It must be a breakout
Oh, son of a bitch
They climbed to the roof
By way of the stairs
Found a fat little freak
In red underwear
No, No yelled the dude
I bring you good cheer
Damn said the Captain
We found us a queer
Alright mother fucker
Get your hands on the wall
They shook him down good
Asshole and all
They beat him and threw him
Into the hole with a kick
Well so much for Christmas
They locked up St. Nick
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last FlingTwo old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few beers they end up at the local brothel.The madam takes one look at the two old geezers (Art and Gary) and whispers to her manager, "Go up to the first bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.As they are walking home the first man says "you know, I think my girl was dead!""Dead? says his friend, "why would you say that?""Well, she never moved or made a sound all the whole time I was loving her!"His friend says "I think mine was a witch!""A witch?" says the first" "why the hell would say that?""Well " the first man replies "I was making love to her, kissing her neck and when I gave her a little bite on the neck, she farted and flew out the window!"
- Last seen 1 day ago. Member since October 7, 2007.
- I'm a amethyst understanding poet for 31 comments.
- My mood is
, and quote is "J n M togethor 4 ever!". - I am a 16 year old girl from Pennsylvania (United States)
- When I'm not writing, I'm hangin out with my friends, thinking up new awsome stories.
- I am in the groups A Vampires World, Angels of the Night, Another Vampyre RPG, Castle Shrouded in Shadows, Fantasy rp, Moonshadow, Neverwinter Nights Rp, Poets Club, Roleplaying for those who love magic, Survival City, The Dragon Cave, Under the Sky, Vampire High
- I have 31 comments
Poems I'm focused on
-
Lost in his trance of his sinister love Let the blood rose run cold for she is his to hold close25 lines, 3 comments, March 5. In Spiritual
My Poetry
-
I'm sorry i ran away from you
but all of this was too much, going way to fast16 lines, 2 comments, September 11 -
How can on little touch turn into such passion?
How can the word i love you really mean something else?
My Stories
-
-
Lying on the floor my hands grasping on my sides. I can't breathe every breath i attempt to take is choked off by this invisible pain crushing my insides. I cant sleep-everytime i close my eyes i see her..i see her face and h289 lines, 1 comment, March 30. In <600 words, Drama, First person, Pain, Personal, Sad, Short story, Unfinished
-
My other items
1 - 2 of 2
Show all
- Sky moon at storywrite
Chapter 1: alone1 / The wind hits me lightly on the face sending a pleasent shiver down my spine, i close my eyes and try to get the feel of the wind spirit i was brought up to worship along with - blood flow at storywrite
Lying on the floor my hands grasping on my sides. I can't breathe every breath i attempt to take is choked off by this invisible pain crushing my insides. I cant sleep-everytime i close my eyes i see her..i see her face and h
Guest Book
1 - 4 of 15
Show all
-
Yung Walrus on November 25I RAWR on your page cuz I can.
Pass it around or I'll RAWR at you again! -
Bella Cullen on November 25i went to the doctors complaining about pains in my head. A few weeks later they call me with the name of my sickness....boredom. They said that i will die within a week. Well lucky for me this week is Thanksgiving. I will not have the time to be bored.
-me
HAPPY THANKSGIVING! -
I--love--jess on November 12wussup sexyyyyyyy ...im better than everyone else who signed this guest!!! ....jess i love u so gdmf much baby<333333333333
-
Yung Walrus on October 31eylow happy halloween!!!
Yung Walrus
