XRazorbladeSinnerX• Show poetry

I am a 17 year old girl living in England,my name is Ann or Anna for short, I have strong opinions about the world we live in today, I was born into the month of sapphire (September) on the day of the 21st and into the year of 1990 making me the misunderstood Virgo of the astrology and the loyal mare of the Chinese zodiac, I am soon coming up to the age of 18 when I finally become legal and independent to the world. I don’t smoke, never liked the idea in tainting my system with such filthy shit, I certainly DO NOT do drugs as I believe everything such as them should be banned and those who take them to be locked away behind thick steel bars.

I have tried drinking a few minor alcohols such as SHNAPPS I’m not addicted nor keen on alcohol so it’s rare for you to see me drink and drown my pain.

I am a girl who has been recently led into an embrace of lies, false words of love have been spoken to my ears leading me into a false sense of security, and I fell for it all, how stupid can I possibly get?, I didn’t take notice of the signs that many friends have pointed out to me, but mainly in love all you see is through your eyes looking directly at him, and that is what I exactly did, I saw all the good in him whilst everyone focused on the bad, I really thought that he really was the one for me, the one who will always be there for me to share my life with, but obviously not, he was more interested in putting his friends before me, that’s not how love runs, I just have to accept that I will always be second best to life.

Throughout most of my life I have given up on many things, one such as listening to the bullshit of boys, it’s all the same, they all lie through their teeth, they find it funny and amusing to see the one they SUPPOSINGLY loved hurting , I try to avoid ALL boys as I don’t feel any need in letting another guy rip my heart from my chest again, why suffer so many heartbreaks just to find the one who will make it worth while?, by the time then you close off your mind, heart and body to all things such as love, so many people have used and thrown around the word love so many times that it has lost all meaning to me.

I hope there is a guy out there to prove me wrong, I REALLY do, I am just so sick of always letting someone near me, hoping and believing they are the one when all they do is hurt and abuse that trust.

Currently I am starting anew in my life, I wish to drown out my past and starting on with looking ahead towards the future, I am an individual learning the ways of the Pagan, I don't get along in groups as I tend to feel uneasy, nervous and scared in case no one will accept me, I have a few wiccan friends who are helping me in my studies towards a better life living as one with nature herself.

The world we are all living in today is slowly trying to heal herself, How can we save her when we are all the cause to her suffering, we are all killing her to a point she is closing herself to us

I do not wish to see our home destroyed because of man's selfish desires to conquer over war, we dig her up,we pollute her, we kill, this world is balanced with such disgusting people who have no consideration of what they are doing.

This is not directed at the WHOLE entire man kind but to most who do such cruel things to life,she provides us with wonderous things to keep us alive and is this is how we repay her?

Healing stones:

I know not much about these wonderous stones but I think there is something behind them, they choose you not the otherway around, you need to find the right stone that you and your personality are compatible with the stone, just yesterday a great friend of mine run a test on me to find which stone suits my needs, she placed one stone at a time into my palm and asked me what I felt, the first stone was red tiger eye, I felt nothing from this stone but then I realised there was three kinds of tigers eye, red, gold and blue, the blue is said to be the rarest out of the three as it is so hard to find it in stores here but proberbly over in the USA there proberbly loads of blue tiger eye.

Recently I have only reserched stones up last night and realised I have posession of the original tiger eye (gold) around my neck, it was that all those years I wore it I was always deprived of negativty, I always wore it to bed, I never took it off not even to have a shower, it was until then I took it off about 2 months ago i have been  feeling depressed, down in the dumps, hurting from breakups, so now I am in search of my pendant again.

The 2nd stone that she tested on me was the Emerald stone, the heart chakra as most say, I only felt a tiny little spark surge to my blood, it was not a great sense of greatness but a little of confusion as why that happened, 3rd was Jet (the protection stone) I felt nothing within my palm it just felt like holding an ordinary sea rock.

As I said I done a little research on stones last night, found out most of the meanings it was until I reasearched on a rare stone that are not so easy to find, the rainbow Quartz, I felt drawn to it, I couldn't look away from the rainbow the glassed stone held within, some are easy to notice and some are descriet, i felt peaceful even after another fuming argument with my EX boyfriend, I just felt like the stone was actually connecting me,I'm not sure if this is entirly true but a ran it through with a couple of Pagans and they told me that certain stone had a huge effect on me and that stone could actually be for me, I had a weird dream about that last night of settling at the beach just after midnight, the stars and planets were all aligned before me leading out towards the Rainbow Quartz like a pathway of stars.

Like in every unacoured dream you would wonder where you are, feeling a sense that you was actually there before but you wasn't, I got towards the Rainbow Quartz and it split into another stone, but this one was resembling an expensive blue, one that i haven't even seen on any paged websites, so I took another look the next morning and to my suprise I found it, the mystery stone to my dream, the Lapis Lazuli.

Solid medium to dark blue, contains gold Pyrite and Calcite infusions. In meditation, opens brow chakra: higher guidance, intuition, and connection to higher self, overview, and decisions for good of all. Organizes, quiets mind. Opens throat / thyroid chakra: Self-expression, writing, creativity, dream insight. Anxiety, restlessness, insomnia, autism, shyness, nervous system, MS, speech, hearing.

What does this mean? have the stones chosen me? I have never had a dream that felt so realistic before, I know what you are proberbly thinking, she's a nutter right?, I don't care if you believe my story or not because I know it's all true.

Music:

I am not a fussy person when it comes to music, if I hear a song thats catchy or I like it then I'll listen to it nonstop until another song sparks my interests, I am always browsing through Proshare and Limewire for songs to burn to CDS so I can sit in my room listening whilst I roleplay with my great friends on here.

My all time classic song that I never get bored of is "Living on a prayer" I have listened to mainly all the remixes and they are all cool, my favourite version is from DJ cammy and Initial D.

Interests: As I have stated many times on my Myspace I am interested in staying away from complete assholes ((if your an asshole with a bum pal then get off my page)) I am currently trying to learn the electric guitar, I am into changing, I hate to always been a normal girl in the crowd, I love standing out rather then pointed out as a common ordinary girl.

Dislikes: I mainly dislike people who don't take no for an answer and carry on pushing till they get the answer yes, well good luck with me once I have my mind made up I stick to it, so if I say no, then No is your answer, don't like it? then back away from me.

I dislike being put on the spot as I hate choosing between people, but if it so comes to it then yes I would have to choose whether I like it or not it's all in my best interest.

Food: I have been told many times by friends and family is that I am a fussy eater, what can I say? If I don't like shit then don't try to forcefeed me it, or blackmail me to stuff it into my system.

Quotes:

"Giving up doesn't mean your weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go"

"You laugh at me because I am different, I laugh at you because your all the same"

"I am not EMO I just hate my arm"

"Here have my heart, it's a shame you never wanted me"

"I'll be the EMO love muffin in your lunch if you'll be my sex lord in bed"

"Steal the quote above this one and your head comes off"

"So what if I'm different?, I can acomplish a lot more by being myself" 

"yeah yeah I know, I don't need you to remind me how great I am"

"I was told to always listen to my heart, so I did now look where I am, heartbroken and alone wishing someone to come along and change that"

"Bad conditioned heart up for auction starting at the biding price of love"

"If you cannot handle me at my worst then you are undeserving to see me at my best"

"If all you see in a girl is looks, then you are wrong, beauty comes from the inner self"

"True beauty comes from the worst of pain"

"A little emotional roughed up, bad conditioned heart in need of healing, single but it's something only YOU can change"

All the above quotes are 100% mine touch or steal them and you shall die a slow painful death, I mean it..................SLOOOOOOOOOW