All the gifts that they'd been given
launched out the window
"Chuck us a beer
then
light my finger"
All you could utter
(mind, body and soul in the gutter)
Stick it
or is that twist
(double-dared)
This game of cold-comfort cards
dealt from the upper deck
You see I always have the upper hand
I hold the keys
to your lifes' blood
(that of a Mother, Nurse & Gaoler)
The thing that makes you crave
to the grave
& back again
Darklit detox dreams
down the corridors
I hear your screams
shushed in the hall of mirrors
&
Magic!
(and in one instant, like magic, it's gone)
(life spared)
All those gifts given to you
chiselled in on venus' thigh
(you were once so beautiful)
such beauty
for only to let it bleed
die
die
Crumbled marble
let's play statues
(waxed and waned)
Is it a game?
Do you want to stick
or
twist?
Author notes
Detoxing studies.. thanks Darcy... thought I'd give you something a bit more serious
Written April 30th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Russian Roulette by onerios13.
300 points, ended May 16, 2005, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Thank you for entering the Summer Poetry Island Series, Chilly! We are reading through the poems as they come in .. making our lists and hope to announce those invited to Round 2 by next week!
Watch the Round 1 column for the list. We don't have to tell you to keep writing .. you just do!
Peace,
Lisa, Desi and Son of the Moon!
-
Many thanks Ann.. I do appreciate your words hun.. very much..
~GILL~xx -
This is haunting, how it cycles back on itself, almost like (I can only imagine) the detox process itself. The short, crisp lines enhance the experience.
Nicely done, Gill, very.
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man! I don't know how you do it day after day, year after year. the things you must see, the sights and sounds you must endure. you paint just a hint of it here with your imagery. how do you put up with the stress of it all??
I guess writing poetry helps. that's why you bury yourself in it.
very good poem, gill. good luck in the contest.
~travis
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Crumbled marble
let's play statues
(waxed and waned)
Is it a game?
Do you want to stick
or
twist?
Ooohhh...what is chillin' in your ice tea, Nurse??
This was BEYOND marvelous, the laid back rhyme enhancing the underlying moments of intensity...a hand to hand combat that must be leavened with an almost playful exchange, lol. Okay I'm rambling...so it must be a sign that I truly loved it...which I did...lol.
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I liked the waxing and waning of the piece. it was like feeling undulating ocean waves without a moon in the sky.
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this was very interresting i enjoyed it thanks for the read very nice
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Excellent
sorry just smiling at your message beneath your name.."Póg mo thóin!"
This poem should strike the fear of God into anyone who takes a dram or three.Finely chisled words have striking effect.
Edited on Apr 30, 4:58 p.m. because 'error'. -
All those gifts given to you
chiselled in on venus' thigh
(you were once so beautiful)
such beauty
for only to let it bleed
die
die
Crumbled marble
let's play statues
(waxed and waned)
Is it a game?
Do you want to stick
or
twist?
Holy shit! This was awesome, beyond AWESOME to say the least!
Good job and keep up the cool writing!
<3 Nikki
The Freak Show -
thankyou... hadn't really noticed that..
-
This had a very peculiar vibe to it, and... I must say that I loved it. Everything seemed so deep and mysterious that I couldn't help but get lost up in it. You have done an excellent job and I hope it is seen in the eyes of the contest holder.
One small thing I saw- "(you was once so beautiful)" should read "you were once so beautiful". I just thought I'd bring that to your attention. It was hardly like it took anything away from the message.
Great, great write.
Justin -
In the 14 months that I've been here, I have never made it to your poems. That in itself is a shame on me. To pick this one to start, and a good choice it was.
The dark tone of this makes the reader leerly to continue reading, at least for me. Your words compelled me to keep going. I have traveled down many a dark corridor in my life. Thankfully, I'm seeing bluer skies right now.
I will be back now and again to take a peek.
~Willow~ -
very good.
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ive heard the screams... this is so very on the money... i love the poem but hate the sounds very very much
excellent write
billy -
Amazing how much you write. Your Muse must be like the Ever Ready Battery Bunny .. just goes and goes and goes.
You see more than I'll ever see .. day after day. That you can make the horridness somehow beautiful ..always leaves me reeling.
Good luck in the contest.
Lisa
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Wow, I really don't know what to say about this. I mean don't get me wrong, I really like it...there's something very, very captivating about it. I just don't know what else to say. Well, very nice work, and I will definitely be looking forward to more.
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i've been "down the corridors" quite a few times (not to mention the rooms of AA), so this one hit pretty close to home. never did learn my lesson though -- unless you call getting better at functioning while pissed a lesson. i figure i'll quit the next time i turn yellow.
as for the poem, very nicely done -- some powerful shit here, chilly one.
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/chiselled in on venus' thigh/ like a corridor of madness, this one is, and all the doors are choices, and all the doorknobs are hot like chunks of smoldering coals but they break off cold in your hands. I don't know how else to say where this poem takes me.
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hheheheh not many people notice that..
many thanks
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Interesting and from a Pheasant Pluker not less! Tis indeed dark, but wel crafted. Liked the following lines:
Darklit detox dreams
down the corridors
I hear your screams
shushed in the hall of mirrors
&
Magic!
(and in one instant, like magic, it's gone)
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
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