Sometimes words
take her to places
She didn't really want
to bleed into
lips split upon pages
of white
Red roses weeping as they soak
into parched linen
I found your broken babble
wrapped up in bubbles
waiting to burst
(Its the sign of death, you know)
Pop
open
snap
caustic crackle of desire
Burning vessels laid for the pyre
I can only sit back
as you perspire
shield my ears
from the words you
weep
(sodden faces collide into chaos)
For they belong to only you
Your soul is lost
to the sound of it popping
(Don't put red & white flowers together, stupid!)
Silently screaming inside
veins convulse with agonies
As lips bleed from the sheer
ecstasy of it all
Red upon white
Author notes
Sharing some sadness of the plight of a woman's detox from heroin and personal abuse problems
Written July 2nd, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
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Your use of imagery to convey your message in words is astounding, i havent had to deal with this subject in my life(thankfully), i can only imagine what it must be like to have to deal with it on a daily basis and to work surrounded with so much sadness and pain. Lives destroyed in front of your very eyes due to this drug. You seem to have a very strong personality and your depth of feeling is clearly read in the way you write, it is unique and even though the subject is distressing and painful, from a readers point of view is is amazing to read how you pen thoughts. Im truely a fan of your writing.
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"Red roses weeping as they soak
into parched linen" I loved that part.
Reminds me of work Gilly Baby nearly forgot what that is lol x x x
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First things first. Crappy football score last night wasn't it? :-( I got ripped to shreds amongst all these fecking scotsmen today. Bastards.
Anyway, momentary distraction. I had to share that with the first englishman(woman!) I came across, and you're it. Sorry.
Very intense write Gill. A subject I'm all too familiar with, though from a different angle of course. I have muchos respect for anyone who works on the front line when it comes to addiction. It's not a line of work I could cope with. We usually pick up the pieces where the kids are concerned. This just bleeds. Whats the solution though? Legalisation? We've lost the war.
Good to be reading you again fellow mancunian xx
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this one is filled with images you feel and hear
that's not an easy task
but more than that it has the human element
with the pain of it all
excellent
peace Muddy
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thanks Richard, this is an oldie... I can actually remember the woman i wrote about too
sad case
thanks for stopping by
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awesome! this is like my favorite one. its sweeeeeet!
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thankyou..
yes it's a difficult subject if you don't have some kind of knowledge of it all .. thanks for sharing your stories a little too
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A+
wow!
my uncle was a heroin addict for 25 years, cleaned up and died of cancer.
and i recently lost a dear friend of mine to his heroin addiction..
this hits so close to home with me. i think you did a wondeful job sharing and expressing the pain and troubles that the substance reeks on lives. -
Drugs can be so detrimental, not only causing physical deterioration, but even psychologically, they cause more suffering than they take away, and throw the person into a struggle against a very strong force. This was an interesting write, very surreal, and yet very real (if you know what I mean!) Well done.
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Deep
This has amazing imagery and I can see how it is about this woman's struggle. A very deep and meaningful poem. I enjoy your writings. -
Well, I truly don't know what to say. In parts of this I felt like it was about me bc that was how I was feeling not too long ago. It's great how you can write something and people can relate to it, isn't it?
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Ah well... now I can finally get along to leaving you an actual review on your poem! Sorry about my addressing another reviewer, but if it bothers you, I'll remove it. I just felt that I needed to say something. I do realize I go off the deep end on tangents occasionally, and don't realize it, till I find said person crying in my lap.
Now, on to the piece! I loved several of your comparisons in this piece, as well as the sound effects. Though to some degree, I realize part of the sentiments are lost on me, as I know next to nothing of drugs and their effects. But regardless, I liked the lines:
~~I found your broken babble
wrapped up in bubbles
waiting to burst~~
As this was really the highlight of your visuals in this. (or at least I liked it lots! ^^0^^ )
Edited on Jul 03 because ''. -
To Saviya:
~thinks and considers~ Hmmmmmm.... I think, that it sounds very much, like you did not stop and consider your words before you made that commitment to post them to NurseChilly. You don't sound like such a mean natured person, on your bio page, so perhaps it was simply a 'moment'.
For future reference, I would suggest be very opinion when you read another's work, and remind yourself that everyone is not like you, and that that is a good thing, because everyone the same would be rather boring.
Now, it is good that you were trying to be honest, however, you missed the point entirely. Poetry isn't about abstract or point blank style. It's about expression and freedom to use that expression as seen fit. What seemed 'illogical' to you, in her work, is actually careful similies, played upon the intricacies of the nature of the things she chose to compare. I find her to be one of the the best poets on this site. Perhaps, at some point, you'll have read enough different kinds of poetry, to appreciate hers better by. Either way, careful of your words. Everyone has feelings. Not just you...
Edited on Jul 03 because ''. -
You are too young
you cannot spell. .. abstract!!
You haven't been around enough to know about people in detox.. I have!!
and therefore you cannot comprehend the write -
My initial reaction was, "Strange... is this some kind of psycho poem?"
Since a critical review is invited I shall take advantage of it.
The writing is weird - sorry for my bluntness, but it's true. No definite sentences which babble meaninglessly.
Example: how can roses weep into linen and soak into linen at the same time? To me, that is illogical. Some of these phrases are not artistic anymore, just plain screwy.
Also, the strange interjection of
"Don't put red & white flowers together, stupid!"
Why not, for goodness' sake?!
However, a phrase I did find unique and fitting was "wrapped up in bubbles". Also, the whole idea of a woman's detox is brilliant, gripping, and thought provoking.
I have nothing against abstrakt writing - in fact I enjoy it as much as rhyming. Here however, I couldn't discover the point or the plot.
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Ah the stupid things one does in the search of looking for love
or finding "fulfillment" which will NEVER come through a "temporary" fix, but only through understanding and self worth.
It's interesting how they single out drugs and yet praise the
advertising of alcohol which can be just as deadly if used
as a "crutch". Both start out equally inocent enough but then
end up growing beyond oneself and the master and slave end up
trading places...Do as I say, not as I do...
Hugs...Eddy
Hugs...Eddy -
Yeah
It not only wrecks people physically but mentally too
her scars ran deep.. very sad
thanks hun..
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I wish I could write like this.
Laughing gravy. -
an uncle of mine died from smack. o.d.'d and ended up dying on the floor of a jail cell. nasty shit. good thing i have a natural aversion to needles because i've tried just about everything once (and the ones i liked more than a few times
). but i've seen what heroin does to people and it ain't a pretty sight.
excellent write, btw
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thankyou for your kind words hun..
but it's not me hun.. I am a nurse and I work in a detox unit.. but your kindness is much appreciated and very thoughtful
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i love how you tell this story of a womens struggle and no matter what struggle a women goes through its tough i truley love this poem and i love how you make it your own special piece of art work keep it up!!!
~*steph*~
p.s never give up no matter how tough life gets get going and moving forward its when you give up that the devil wins the fight(sry 4 that if your dont beleive in god i dont down you for that everyone is allowed to exspress their belief no matter what it is and you can do the same ) but w/e you do NEVER GIVE UP!!! -
Ahh thankyou Reenie.. yeah.. sometimes it makes sense to say where the piece came from...
sometimes my muse gets sad with it all
thankyou for your lovely comment hun -
I am glad you left an explanation with an authors comment . That makes it now a very deep write about a struggle that must be horrible . Even without the note it was clear enough that it was about some kind of turmoil , as their is a lot of imagery in the write . However now I do not have to strain my wee brain and can only applaud a great write ,
xoxoxo
Reenie
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