"Hobble the camels and put up the tent.
Let us enjoy the night that Allah has sent."
A day's hard riding has left him tired.
Pleasant distraction is now required.
A young maiden is chosen for the night.
The Caliph hasn't seen a prettier sight.
The maiden is scared. No man has she known.
Will tonight see her innocence overthrown?
Sweetly and swiftly she spins a fine tale.
Hopping to distract this powerful male.
Long before she allows her story to close.
Her erstwhile tormentor has started to doze.
He wakes in the morning and is unfulfilled.
And thinks to have that young maid killed.
"One story you've told, now a hundred more.
Or your life will end in blood and gore."
The maiden does not think the challenge hard.
For she is the daughter of Scheherazade!
Author notes
Many thanks to Anemone for her poem Arabian Nights which sparked off this piece. Have a read of that as well.
allpoetry.com/Poem/1341000
Davidz I commented on Hear me by Da Poetress and your The Furious Heart.
Written July 8th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- :) girl power :) by HannahBrookeXD.
300 points, ended February 20, 2006, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Sorry FlowerP but I missed the girls only bit in your rules on my first visit.
As you may have realised this is based on a story about a woman Sheherazade and was inspired by a female poet on this site Anemone see link in author's comments.
Obviously as a mere male it is awkward for me to have truly relevant pieces but rule 3 works perhaps.
Anyway Thanks for reading the poem and for not automatically booting me out.
Jim S -
This is a really interesting piece. It is based on something other than your own life. That sounds confusing, but it is true. Thank you for entering my contest.
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It seems like we are cross commenting.
Thanks for reading and writing about my stuff. Honest thoughts are valuable in developing ones writing. Even if one doesn't agree at least one becomes aware of other view points.
You may have heard of the 1001 Arabian Nights where a maiden had to keep the Caliph amused in bed for a 1000 and 1 consequtive nights and did so by story telling and not body selling. Her name was Shahrazade!
The poem that propmpted me to write mine was called Arabian Nights and was written on here by Anemone
Jim S
Edited on Jul 23, 7:06 because ''. -
I'm not sure who this "Shahrazade" is(please forgive my ignorance), but I really like this poem, it's funny!
I really like the way you rhyme, I wish I could do it that well!
I would like to make a helpful critique, but to my eyes this poem seems perfect.
Thank you for your comment on my poem
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Thanks for your comments and suggestion.
The poem was not written as humorous or anything other than what it is. A bit of verse with a twist in the tale. If it makes people laugh that's fine by me.
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I don't think a mighty Caliph would allow one of his subjects to own someone who had shared his bed, however chaste the experience had been. He certainly wouldn't want to advertise the fact that he could not get a maiden to succumb to his advances. Death it would be!
im S -
I dont know if this piece is supposed to be humerous as Empathy-eyes suggested, but the rhyme is well suited to this form of poem. Each couplet presenting either 2 contrasting or 2 complimentary thoughts.
I dont know if this poem would be more plausible if the instead of killed you said "sold". It would not rhyme of course then.. always the challenges in poetry. But I think virgins are more likely to be sold than killed.
Cheers! -
Thanks for reading AND commenting.
Jim S -
Excellent humerous topic, presented and formed beautifully. I really enjoyed the read.
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I didn't want you to think I was trying to destroy your poem, I really wasn't. So thanks for not hating me over that. Keep up the good work. I really look forward to reading more of your work. Until we meet again,
Nicole -
Thanks Rosie.
As I replied to Nicole earlier. You may be right. I'm not sure with rhetorical questions but I will check and change if need be. Keep the comments coming.
Jim S -
Thanks for your comments.
The whole piece took 5 minutes and any rhymes were spontaneous. They may be obvious but I almost always write in rhyme and they just jumped out at me tonight.
I can appreciate that they may appear forced and that you are saying what you felt. Thanks for that. I like honest criticism.
Jim S -
Thank you so much Jenna.
Jim S -
Thanks Lauren.
For the comment and the idea.
Jim S -
Thanks for the praise Blaze (sorry I could not resist the rhyme).
Jim S -
Thanks for the help Chris but I think the question mark may be needed. Thanks also for your own comment. I'm glad you like what was a very impromptu piece.
By the way if you look at my picture on the author page you'll see I'm a bloke and as the narrator of this piece it should be he just chose not she just chose!!
Jim S -
Thanks for your comment Nicole. I'm not sure if rhetorical questions deserve question marks but I will check it, and correct it if necessary. Keep up the good work and keep me on my toes.
Jim S -
I like this, your rhyme is well-structured but feels natural, it gives the poem a nice flow. Also I liked the story you tell. I do agree with Night Fire Goddess though, I thought the "innocence overthrown" line should have been a question, just so that it would make more sense.
Rosie x -
So so
I enjoyed the exotic flare of the topic and overall idea. I felt the ryhme was forced and needs more work in a few places.
I would expect that you have some better poems, and I would like to see them.
Edited on Jul 08, 3:56 p.m. because ''. -
this is a good poem. it has a good rhythm and rhyme with an exellent flow. its well written. keep up the good work.
Jenna -
Wow, I feel honored that my piece led you to write. I love how you don't wander off while telling a story. Your poem says exactly what it needs to. Great job,
Lauren
Edited on Jul 11, 3:42 because ''. -
this is a very well written piece with a nice flow to it and solid rhymes you did well with it
love and light
blaze -
Great!!
This was a very good poem. I enjoyed the flow of it alot. It was very simplistic and had amazing ryhme to it. You are very talented in the ways of ryhme. I suppose that's why it's your name though.....lol
Kudos,
Chris -
No Night Fire she does not need a ? mark because it isn't asking a question her purpose is saying that her innocence will be overthrown tonight.....she just chose to word it in a differant way....re-read it and see if you understand it.
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The only thing wrong that I noticed was this line: Will tonight see her innocence overthrown. You need a question mark instead of a period. Otherwise a terrific poem. It was a great read. Best of luck to you and yours,
Nicole
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Thanks for those kind words. This is the first piece I've written directly onto the site without drafting. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Jim S -
Very well written with an excellent flow, rhythm and rhyme.
You certainly know your stuff,I throughly enjoyed.Keep up the good work.
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