Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Under the Street Lamp



She walks around the Northern Quarter
her head shrouded
by that old tattered blue silk

People used to say
it was the same colour as her eyes
But now torn into disappointed shreds
she catches the corner
to her lips

Wipes away salt
streams of something old
never new
She once wanted to be
somebody
something more

Than the woman that wanders Tib Street
with the "others"
those people
who become
a disappointment

Not quite fitting into society
anymore
anybody help
please

Her eyes once so blue
now disguised by silken passers by
a shadow of others
then what she had
once in a blue moon

 

Author notes

suicide is painless.. as the old song goes..  
Life of the streets... never quite makes it .. the others say so
Written August 4th, 2005

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • tara wilson gold member
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am reading all of your Manchester Musings in the next while, so I won't be commenting on all although I will probably enjoy all, but I really like the feel and mood of this one.


  • August 22, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    i feel like a voyuer.

  • cherche -d -ame gold member
    August 6, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Gill , I really liked your write overall and I enjoyed the sort of "little story" but the same thing that I enjoyed was the thing that kept this from being what I wanted for the contest....and that was just the FEELING of DISAPPOINTMENT ( not the person who was experiencing it and the reasons why) But so many entries were lie yours , so I must take the blame for not having communicated well enough what it was that I was looking for. I thank you so much for entering
    xoxo
    Reenie

  • monimac
    August 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Bravo!

    Wow... this piece was truly awesome! I liked the rhythmic flow, so unforced and ironically upbeat /

    Your words were strategically placed, and therefore created such a wonderful effect. The story and emotion behind the poem was strongly expressed.

    I think you did an excellent job here.
    Congrats, and good luck in the contest!

    Best wishes!

  • jenneddin silver member
    August 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is one of those poems where I've no words, just feelings....... and sad ones they be.

    Well written Gill, as it plucks on the heart strings and just the right way.


  • NurseChilly gold member
    August 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    yes
    I know that feeling too.. emotions running high here too, I'm on my 9th day in work and over-tired and over-stretched..
    worn thin and heart beats too..

    time to be extraordinary I think

  • ca ne fait rien
    August 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I am a bit emotional today, Gill, and maybe I should not read the poetry I am reading. It made me cry. There is nothing as sad as disappointment; disappointment with oneself, knowing one has disappointed others, being disappointed in others. The ' not fitting in' intrigued me, made me think. Sometimes we don't fit in because we are too ordinary to be out of the ordinary, and sometimes because we are too extraordinary to fit in anywhere. Nothing disappointing about the poem though. Much luck and love, Stefi.

  • Vickie J
    August 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I think you have certainly captured the emotion you were going for here. Now I need to go read a happy poem.... Nicely done!

  • dehydrated
    August 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    yeah i agree living in the streets makes life well dry, wet, hard, revenous, selfish or rather blank.
    i c so many ppl livin in the streets, it's like a part and parcel on my side to them as they are, the harsh contrast of nature...makes us luky and ignorant...
    very well written...
    i loved it as ol da others i read from you.
    ~~ille

  • AJ Morelli gold member
    August 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very good write, some lovely imagery presented in a very nice form and a strong ending:

    "Her eyes once so blue
    now disguised by silken passers by
    a shadow of others
    then what she had
    once in a blue moon"

    nice work. -Al

  • Blue Eyed Skies
    August 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This has such lovely, bleak images, even before the end I got the feeling that she was walking around in a sort of mist. I really liked this, well done. I'll look out for more of your stuff.
  • zee1
    August 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I can't say that I know anything about the streets or about you but for me this poem really paints a picture which I can almost touch, feel and even smell. It creates a sad and sobre feeling - well done

  • Loves Shadow
    August 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    It's one thing to be down on your luck but to become poor and unfortunate after having been up in the world is harsh. I like how you said her tattered blue shirt once matched her blue eyes and then later said her eyes were once so blue and now disguised.

  • NurseChilly gold member
    August 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    thanks
  • noel lovett
    August 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    how sad, my heart has shifted

  • NurseChilly gold member
    August 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    clever gal.. you know me too well..
    some parts are about the streets.. some not..
    and you.. amaze me everyday.. ohh you do have potential miss.. yes indeed

  • August 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Than should be then..

    Ah, I feel this one, Gill, nothing about life on the streets to me and everything about living as a disappointment to almost everyone who knows me.

    On a positive note, talked to someone last night who thinks I will 'amaze' people..and says they know I won't disappoint the people who care about me..says I have a lot of potential..if only I could believe it.

    Fitting in is relative, I think, but once on the street the relation changes and we feel outside again.
1 - 17 of 17