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My first posted song

You were at the party with that dude named Bob.You were making out under the cork tree. I saw you don't try to lie or I may die from a fragile heart ~ Why do you do the things you do. All I ever wanted is to be with you. But now I'm on the last flight out. ~ Seven years from now I'm in a club play this song with my band. I saw you in the back rocking with you high school friends. I walked up to you,you had a boy friend. I will wait for you under the cork tree where we first meet I told you.~ Why do you do the things you do.All I ever wanted is to be with you. But now I'm on the last flight out.~(10 sec music) Now we're old and grey.
Swinging in our rockers.I still play in a band at the retirement center. We are playing at the bingo game tonight. You were losing badly, so I walk over to help. You fall over, it was a heart attack ~ All I ever wanted is to be with you. But now I will stay here under the cork tree where we first meet beside you forever.

Author notes

A song I did today...its sooo emo
Written August 29th, 2005

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Lavianblood
    December 29, 2005
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    IDIOT ITS A SONG P.S this is joey

  • xmuffinxfacex
    September 3, 2005
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    very nice ,i like the flow of the song and the way you discribed it. well keep on writing
    - Lindsey
  • Art of Ignorance
    August 31, 2005
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    WHOOT EMO OWNS!!!! Paragraphing might help make the lyrics more powerful on their own, but if you sing, then it will be pretty good. I like these lyrics, pretty strong, pretty well written.

    Good job
  • Kadaj
    August 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    grrrreat

    this is a good song, we still don't have a name for the band, do we?well, this is a good song.i am guessing you are singin' this one, muwahahahaha, you will.i win.

  • mesmerize me
    August 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    It's good but i'm sure you could do so much better...some parts didn't exactly merge with each other as smoothly as they should,but if you work on it i'm sure it could be really great.But other than that it was good,like i said you can do better.
    -Ashley(someday i will own your soul.hehe.)

  • DarkAngel91
    August 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    hey dude! awesome lyrics! hey guess what? i got a great deal yesterday. i can get free guitar lessons from one of my friends in school. how cool is that? sorry... see ya!

  • Flo Varekai
    August 29, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Tristen. Dude. This wins me over. EMO ME OVER! Pimp my emo! GREAT POEM! Really touching and fully of emotion dude!

  • August 29, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    i love you
    youre amazing
    <3
1 - 8 of 8