A misplaced racquet on the grass
reminds me of how time goes past.
Lying lonely on the lawn;
lost, forgotten and so forlorn.
Carelessly cast after a childish spree
it evoked in me a memory.
Not of youthful sporting games,
counting runs or sets or frames.
Not of friends who'd gone before
or where I lived when I was four.
No this racquet that showed no rust,
reminded me of the death of trust.
When we could forget things whilst at play
and know they'd be there the next day.
Or if they were no longer there
be sure a friend had them in care.
Yes that expensive racquet in plain view
caused me to stop and think for a moment or two.
Then I wondered as I walked on my way.
Would it be stolen once I'd gone away?
Author notes
Wandering the streets of a seaside town early one Sunday morning I noticed an apparently new tennis racquet lying on a lawn within easy reach of an outsretched hand...
Written August 30th, 2005
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It's almost a year since and I am returning to the scene soon for another Folk Festival. I doubt if I'll see any more racquets but I can hope for inspiration.
Small seaside towns are good spots for me.
TTFN
Jim
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nostalgic poetry is one of my favorite kinds of poetry and i don't--well can't seem find much here, but i'm glad i came across yours, 'cause they are all so beautiful....i really fancy this one....:]
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Thanks for both your comments and your classifying me in your own age bracket. Many of my friends think I am just a big kid anyway.
This was a rare write for me in that I was walking around a seaside town one Sunday morning and saw the racquet and it sparked me off so that this was written within the hour. I am rather pleased with it myself
I'll keep writing as you say and I'll try to live up to your evaluation.
Thanks
Jim -
oops sorry I got you confused, I'm 16, you're...not. But oh well, you're a really good poet anyway mister
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You're actually a really good poet you know, and I'm not just saying that. I don't want to sound patronising cause I think I'm about your age (ish) but it really is good. Keep writing.
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I'm glad you can have a laugh at this one Tiki. We all now what a sacrifice you cats used to make for our tennis!
Jim
Edited on May 15, 3:01 p.m. because 'misplaced apostrophe'. -
Excellent Writing
It'd be stolen
--Tiki Cat
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Thanks for those very kind words Quill. I hope I can live up to them.
Jim S -
As always as i've grown to expect from yourself a wonderful write that reflects your great insight.
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Thanks for your comment and for the applause too.
Jim S -
Thanks for your commets TT.
Jim S -
very nice
it's terrible that our society as intelligent beings has come down to having to lock out doors, and worry about people taking our things. you raised a good point, one that i've never really gave much thought, and for that i applaud you. -
Wow I can't believe it took me this long long to find your great poetry! I love it!! And I love your user name too! I like rhymes too! Great job I hope to read more!
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Thanks for taking the time to explain. I will revisit this poem as soon as time permits and edit it perhaps in line with some of what you have explained.
I've learnt more in the past 3 or 4 months than I did when studying my GCE English Lit 'O' level nearly 40 years ago. My teacher was not a bad teacher (I still read the poetry he publishes on the web ) but we studied meaning and not form!
Anyway thanks for your help.
Jim S
Edited on Aug 31, 9:26 because 'silly emoticons jumping in!!!'. -
Seeing that you asked, ILR, have a look at the various stanzas...
"When we'd forget things whilst at play
and know they'd be there the next day.
Or if they were no longer there
be sure a friend had them in care."
(I did change we would to 'we'd' to shorten the line one beat)
The stanza above is almost perfect iambic tetrameter - four strong beats to the line, and a - / beat, where - is unstressed and / is stressed, if you know what I mean. A de DUM de DUM de DUM de DUM pattern if you like.
But then you look at the last stanza, (and to a certain extent the second last one), and you get...
- / - / - / - / - /
Yes that expensive racquet in plain view
You see it jumps to iambic pentameter - five beats to the line.
- / - / - / - - / - - /
caused me to stop and think for a moment or two.
In the line above, you have not only five beats to the line but a few anapaest feet as well, going 'de de DUM' instead of 'de DUM'.
Maybe you could correct it by writing something like
"Caused me to reconsider too"
which brings it back to iambic tetrameter again (four feet each going de DUM)
Your last two lines could possibly be rendered as:
"Expensive racquet in plain view
Caused me to reconsider too.
I wondered as I went my way.
"Would it be stolen now, today?"
My attempts to correct the rhythm are not that great. I have lost the irony a little. But that's what I mean about the uneven length of lines.
It's also possible that you may be reading them differently to me. Many words can be read as one syllable or two, and people read aloud very differently. So it was just my perception that those ending stanzas just didn't seem to match the balance of the poem.
I hope that makes some sense to you. It's not such a big deal to have lines that do not scan perfectly. Scansion is not considered very important these days, when most people write free verse. But if you waare writing rhyming rhythmic poetry, those would be the ideals one would strive for, and it's what poets of previous generations worked hard to create. -
I hope that was nice and not naive in your comment. LOL
Seriously though. Thanks for writing. Your continued support is appreciated.
Jim S -
Thanks Spamwitch,
I was particularly pleased with what you said as this was written quickly before I finished my walk to church that Sunday!
Jim S
PS I love the name. Perhaps that's because I love a Spam sandwich!!
Jim S -
Thanks grannyeri. When this happened a couple of weeks ago I didn't dare go back after church to see if it was still there! I want to imagine it was.
Jim S -
Many thanks Bronwen E.
I'd appreciate knowing the lines you mean. I wrote the verses as 4 lines (because of the width of my paper! but I say them as 2 line verses. I have a scheme in my head for the reading but cannot write that. If you let me know the lines which are awkward for you I might see what you mean. Maybe your way will be an improvement.
Jim S -
Thanks wanna-be. I got a sense of deja-vu with this comment.
Jim S -
Thanks Aby!
Jim S -
Hello aagain Debashish.
The poem is not yet 3 weeks old and it was written on the day the incident happened! Not exactly autobiographical. I was waiting for the church service on a Sunday morning in a town I sometimes visit.
I didn't dare go back afterwards because I wanted to think of the racquet as being safe!
This was one of those rare moments when the idea and the pen and paper were all there together.
Jim S -
Very nive Mr.S...forgive how little this comment says i dont have a lot of time right now...ill say more on what i think later.
~K Castania -
Great job in expressing true feelings we all experience. I thought the theme and the flow were flawless. The point is well taken as it is very well said. Great job.
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Well thoughtout poem, makes lots of sense and gets us all wondering about past experiences. I wonder too, will the racket be stolen?
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NIce
Nice theme, nice ending. Some of the lines do not scan exactly but the images are good. -
A misplaced racquet on the grass
reminds me of how time goes past.
Lying lonely on the lawn;
lost, forgotten and so forlorn.
Carelessly cast after a childish spree
it evoked in me a memory.
Not of youthful sporting games,
counting runs or sets or frames.
Not of friends who'd gone before
or where I lived when I was four.
No this racquet that showed no rust,
reminded me of the death of trust.
When we could forget things whilst at play
and know they'd be there the next day.
Or if they were no longer there
be sure a friend had them in care.
Yes that expensive racquet in plain view
caused me to stop and think for a moment or two.
Then I wondered as I walked on my way.
Would it be stolen once I'd gone away?
oh i love every word of it!!
angeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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this is pretty
i LOOOVE the bakround!
the almost last one the one that said
"when we could forget things whilst at play
and know they'd be there the next day.
or if they were no longer there
be sure a friend had them in care."
good write!
keep it up!
much luv,
aby
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I wonder how to react to such a poem, seems little biographical in tone...racquet is a symbol of narrator's memoir, past...it has a kind of anthromomorphic presence...I like the gentle rhyming quatrains!
D
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