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Whispered Prayers (ya-du)

Child's whispered prayer
Fragrance fair rise
Fresh air to love
Breathing of spring
Above the Father's heart is aroused to sing

Abba Divine
You define me
Incline your ear
Draw me near you
Adhere my soul to your love with glue

Child full of fear
I am near you
My ear attends
My heart bends near
Extending love to reach you, my dear

Author notes

This is my attempted at a ya-du.
I thought about make the last stanza:

Child full of fear
I am near you
My ears at tend
I will bend near
Ex tend ing love to reach you, my dear

Any opinions?
Written September 15th, 2005

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • melphleg gold member
    September 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for the high praise. It's not about nature but it does reference a season as a metaphor.

  • Vickie J
    September 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful. Even though it's not about nature per say, it's my favorite one I read. vj

  • Samplette gold member
    September 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Brava!!!! I hope it was worth the time you spent, for it turned out very well. Excellent job...a sheer pleasure to read. Thank you for entering the contest.
    Sam

  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    September 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Perfect~

    Oh wow
    What an accomplishment you have done with this form of poetry
    It would be way too hard for me to do this now the way I am feeling.....so your one up on me in this form.....
    I bet this would be hard and take some concentrating to get it done and that you have...
    A prayer...the prayer and then the answer
    All three rolled into one
    Best of luck in the contest this is a winner in my book
    Hugs n love
    Susan~~~

  • melphleg gold member
    September 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you. I spent a two day personal retreat with my Abba. I spent time reading and journaling through "Abba's Child." There was much time for silence and solitude. I felt very content and very much at peace. This poem reflects some of what I took away from that time. There was so much more.
  • Glu
    September 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I have never heard of that style before, but it's beautiful. Very difficult I would imagine, but absolutely beautiful. And you do it so well. Wow. Wonderful job.

    --toast

  • heismysong silver member
    September 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful!

    I like it, Mel! I usually do Bible-based poetry, but since she said it had to do with seasons, the whole winter thing was the first thing that popped to my mind.

    I like how the first stanza is about the prayer, the next IS the prayer, and the last is HIS ANSWER to the prayer- a good sequence of stanzas.

    First, I read it to see if you got the form- looked pretty good. Then I read it for content- that's where the beauty came out... my favorite part:

    "Child's whispered prayer
    Aromas fair rise"

    Our prayers ARE a sweet-smelling savour to God- beautiful thought.

  • melphleg gold member
    September 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    You must have read before I edited. I still may edit.

  • Samplette gold member
    September 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I am so glad you are attempting this form...it is a doosie..
    First, each stanza is supposed to have 5 line, in which the first 4 have 4 syllables, and the fifth one can have 5,7,9 or11.
    When I wrote mine, I underlined the examples rhymes and went from there. You have the first three lines rhyming correctly..so I think if you reread and try again you might just get it. Thank you for trying.
    Sam
1 - 9 of 9