Dying
From birth to life
Two living cells unite
To be born, to grow, and to die
Time ticks moving us to our destiny
To decay away in the ground
To become feed to plants
We live ever
Dying
Author notes
This is a Rictameter
9 lines going up in syllables 2,4,6,8,10 Then down again,
8,6,4,2 Making the final line the same two syllable word as the first word.
bloempjes bloeien blij
- Commented on
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Quinzaine [#1] by marjan
I'm giving up [Nonet #7] by marjan
Written October 4th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Form Poetry Only! by Shining Twilight.
375 points, ended October 7, 2005, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Thank you for your comment. The poem is not intended to be uplifting. The repeating 'to' and 'two' give intend to give the poem a mundane rhythm and feel to it. The whole poem should get the read to wonder is that all their is. Is life mundane and purposeless? I'm glad the 'to's' bugged you. The whole poem should bug the reader and get them to think.
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I think it's a shame you start so many line with "to".. you could have said it in a different way so it would read better.. now I got kinda bugged by the many "to" 's you use. The content is nice though, if you think about it, life is so weird. Indeed you grow, you sort-of live and than you're ready to die.. where's the point?
Good luck in my contest!
`Marjan
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wow this is such a creative poem. i saw it from the form contset. and its very good. its short and yet it means so much.its very true as well. good write.
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Delightful piece, dear. "Two living cells unite" - My favorite line. Keep it up <3
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Great job
Ah the rictameter, you did it justice here, this is just my personal opinion but I would change the 3rd to last line. It is very good up to this point, then the repetition of "To" is noticeable. How about something like: "Becoming one with earth" just a suggestion for the 3rd to last line, not meaning to offend, becoming plant food, too blatant, suggested would be better I think. Great job on this piece, with the exception of that line, otherwise I enjoyed it, great choice for a rictameter.
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hooray
i thought it was a diamonte... oh well, nice job none the less. thought provoking, and form fitting, I hope you do well in the con. -
tha i seally pretty. keep writting and i love the poem i'm gonna have to read more of your work.
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