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As the lights held dim in slumber,

As the lights held dim in slumber,
dreams burnt thin and raw in umber,
a twilight sans its golden tone,
draped the moon all gaunt and lone.

There but for a moment fled,
a summer wind long left unsaid,
rustled past with blushing tribute,
that left the icy night acute.

A figure rested on its knees,
blown frigid by the fragrant breeze,
razed with wakened reminiscence,
torn by sweetly painful brilliance.

twitching, raging, it grasped at last,
the fleeting season that rushes past,
a glossy midnight carrion bird,  
that edged the swirling current onward.

Drunk deeper still the draught of anguish,
a poisoned soul and eyes that languish,
shuddered in a piercing scream,
that no sympathy could feign redeem.  

But there it blooms upon the ground,
a flower red and flowing sound,
that brings about the sweetest weakness,
and muffles this in softest darkness.

As these eyes fell dim in slumber,
body ripped and tossed asunder,
the shades all held a golden tone,
a whispered  song blew soft and shone.

There but for a moment fled,
a summer wind long left unsaid,
embraced by rivers red and frail,
that pulsed once more to no avail.

Author notes

Im obessed with this beat right now, every thing i think of sounds like this..... Ill get over it soon enough i hope, and get stuck on a new one. perhaps its all just ment to be one long poem.
Written October 28th, 2005

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    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Asphodel
    October 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    there might be, i dont usually do anything on purpose....if i think about it to much ill ruin it.

  • Neko Mimi Soundwave silver member
    October 28, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    am I sensing Iambic pentameter?

    If so, you should write like this more often????

  • mrsfoss
    October 28, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Great

    Asphodel:


    I'am new glad to meet you,This is a very well crafted poem a poem full of dept and truly shows you are a very talented poet,well done.


    mrsfoss

  • JoFoxserian
    October 28, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    beautifull flow with words and skill, amazing way around the imagry and the beat isn't a bad one, i like it.

    kudos

  • thestuffofnonsense
    October 28, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    VERY GOOD indeed !!

    Interesting that you yourself suggested that this poem could have been just one long piece .. I thought exactly the same thing myself .. Because you have used a 'set' verse-form, the rhythmn has been lost slightly BUT the poem is still very good indeed ! ...
1 - 5 of 5