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Loop.

If I had a voice..
would you hear me?
(shall I be silent still.)

If I had eyes..
could I see you?
(and be blind still.)

If I had a heart..
could I love you?
(yet be lonely still.)

If I had a soul..
could I smile?
(and be crying still.)

Author notes

I just wanted to play with repetition .. in fact i think ill go write a poem about it...
Written January 6th, 2006

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Asphodel
    January 9, 2006
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    Thanks for your comments! i am very busy at work and will returning your efforts as soon as i get a free moment!

  • January 6, 2006
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    Great.

    This is heartbreaking... if you had a pen would you do all again, for us to feel this pain you have within... I really like it is very good and makes me feel sad.
  • fblade2008
    January 6, 2006
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    Magnificent.

    This was a very good poem. I loved the flow, and i loved how you made people think about how they can feel something but yet still be blinded as to their true feelings. awesome job.

  • EatYourSunlight
    January 6, 2006
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    Very nice poem, it has some deepness in it. I love how you go back saying and be silent still, i think that says alot. Great job
    Good day, a stór
    Angie

  • Neko Mimi Soundwave silver member
    January 6, 2006
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    I think this was a good poem, there was a good "loop" of a iambic pentameter (I think), the words flowed well wel the words, and yet I think you broke the flow at stanza the fourth stanza, perhaps this was intentional?

    Either way I am sill going to applaude, because even though I have seen similar poems, this one did not have as half as bad flow as the other ones previous to it I have seen.

    I applaude you! bows

  • Heartless Angel
    January 6, 2006
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    WoW, this is a really cool poem. I like the straight forward meaning to it and the deeper, hidden meaning, which I think the poem conveys, hidding one's soul as the writer above said, but this is a great poem. I loved reading it.

  • ShadowStalker
    January 6, 2006
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    This was short and sweet, and definatly says something to the heart. There are so many poems of loss and sorrow, but your poem here actually says something. Great job and it looks like you came up with another big hit.

    Schmitty

  • January 6, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    To hide inside oneself like you describes is a great strain to the soal, and it becomes a habit that is hard and scary to break, not really knowing wether or nor it would be worth it.(At least that`s one way of reading this piece of work)
1 - 8 of 8