The distance begins to vanish,
As she nears her other half.
Her silence has caused anguish,
Tainting her vacant laugh.
She understood the significance,
Of a love that might be there.
Astonished by his brilliance,
She agreed to her personal dare.
The sound of her waltzing feet,
Interrupted the silent room.
She hoped their eyes would meet,
As he smelled her sweet perfume.
Courage soared from within,
Radiating through her joyous motions.
Goosebumps form over her skin,
As she considers her hopeful notions.
And then she took her final pause,
Conquering her endless voyage.
She crossed the room for a certain cause,
And has yet to relinquish her courage.
So thus begins the trial of a romance,
The final battle of her fragile heart.
She hopes her valor will exalt her trance,
To keep her spirit from falling apart.
She stood near him nervously,
Her warm breath an erratic flow.
Red lips motioned briskly,
To utter the sweet sound of "Hello".
Author notes
Written February 14th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 60 of 60
-
Good Grief (IT's really quite good)
As I romp across the room My Dear
Clomp, clomp, I see you coming
That our eyes will meet I fear
The word "Goodbye" I'm humming
But when you write like this I find
I want to make you mine
I am retired and am inclined
At 67 to find the time
The only thing is I must spring
For a divorce of course
To marry you and you must bring
your checkbook for me to endorse
I know, My Dear, you can't refuse
An offer such as this
My drool for you please don't confuse
With the passion of my kiss
I LOVE YOU MADLY
-
I loved this. I know how it is having your heart broken so many times and getting ready to become open to love again. Hope this does well in the contest you entered it in. Good luck!
-
amazing
sweet and gently intoxicating.
the rhyme was free as the subject,
there was no stressed syllabels,
truly.
beautiful. i appreciae
your verses, their lovely
flow. truly, truly, talented.
thank you for sharing.♥
-
Wow
That was really mind blowing!! It was so full of love, intensity and the emotions were raw and poignant. I think you did a totally marvelous job with the imagery and your words were really well chosen. It really brought the idea of new love and the thrilling nervousness of a first meeting. This is really one of the best poems i read on ap
You got tons of talent and potential as a poet so keep up the fantastic, breathtaking work! This poem is definitely going to be bookmarked!
Love,
Neera~
-
Well done
The sound of her waltzing feet,
Interrupted the silent room.
She hoped their eyes would meet,
As he smelled her sweet perfume.
Wonderful lines
This is wonderful. You did a great job... Love the choice of words and discriptive images...
write on -
Reminds me of how difficult it is to speak or act on a first date. Romantic write.
-
funny how such a simple thing is so hard and can mean so much to you but nothing but a friendly hello to the other person. very well written and i loved the rhyming. it was enchanting and intoxicating
-
This truly described a first meeting. The nervousness and anxiety we all feel in the beginning. It was done with precision and great flow.
Thank you for sharing.
Soulful Woman
. Rewarded 4
-
I Liked it
For the most part. I understood it all but became entangled in the "tense" changes and had to re-read several lines. But it is a wildly descriptive account of the first time I asked a girl to dance. -
Ahh
That first hello means so much doesn't it? A beatiful and sweet poem reminded me of that very first hello that started a friendxhip of 30+ years.
. Rewarded 4
-
sweet
I thought this was awesome. You took a nervous minute and described the seconds exquisitely.
-
Jasmine, you have astonished me with the brilliance of your talent yet again with this poem. I thoroughly enjoyed the story of a girl's tentative first steps toward romance. The only suggestion I have to offer is to make sure that you consistently use the same tense (past or present) throughout the write - i.e. first stanza, first line you use words in present tense such as begins, nears, and has - as opposed to the second stanza and the rest of the poem, where past tense words such as understood, Astonished, agreed, etc. are used. This is a super picky comment. Overall this is an awesome poem and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you very much for your entry. ~ James
-
hey! this is really great! awesome flow, and you can just feel all the emotion, all the nerves...anyway, it was great
Hannah ~oxoxo~ -
Excellente!!! Marvelous and stounding truly grand and narrarated as a fairly tale! My favourite stanzas where:
"So thus begins the trial of a romance,
The final battle of her fragile heart.
She hopes her valor will exalt her trance,
To keep her spirit from falling apart.
She stood near him nervously,
Her warm breath an erratic flow.
Red lips motioned briskly,
To utter the sweet sound of "Hello".
Truly grand -
This is an absolutley...stunning...piece of work.
Incredibly fluid and just brilliant!
Like err candy to my...eyes? lol
Very well done!!! (Wait do people actually say that?! I'm sure they do...)
Jess x x x -
Absolutely amazing poem, I could actually see the guy and his girl walking towards each other.
-
this piece flows really freely as it expresses the trepedation that surrounds approaching the object of one's desires.it shows the emotions that are felt in this situation.it is a very steady read,never faltering.i liked it a lot.
-
superb
its the free flowing rhyme that really stands out.That said, I do not want to take anything away from the terrific end-line. Obviously a very rare talent is at work here. -
Hello can be the hardest part of the conversation sometimes. One has to start somewhere. I enjoyed the description of her struggle with herself to approach. This is a very good poem.
-
Beautifully Romantic!
Jasmine this is so very beautiful and so very romantic... one that hope for that love to be noticed, to be acknowledge. This is another marvelous painting of a beautiful picture in words. I loved the flow and the rhythm in which you created this poem. Thank you for sharing your work with me and for the wonderful gift of your pen. Blessed be dear heart, Nena -
perfect!
gorgeous.. you rhyme so elegantly and this is so precious, it's perfect in everyway. this was so enchanting i loved it (great contest btw) 
marvelous! , j.
-
thats very nice, and swift when reading. The lines are understandable and create a very clear picture. Well done
Nunchaks -
HEY THIS IS A REALLY GOOD POEM KEEP ON WRITTING IT WAS NICE AND SMOOTH AND HAD NICE RYTHM TO IT! I HOPE TO READ MORE OF YOU POEMS TASH.
-
Excellent write! It flowed and you used lovely words making it more complex then many poems about love, good job.
-
I am very critical of poems, very. I see beauty in all written words and expressions of emotion, but poems need to express there meaning and keep my attention.
I held my breath the entire time I read this poem.
I liked it a lot.
A lot.
Especially the ending. -
Great job!
-
Excellent
THAT was AMAZING Jasmine!!! Beautiful and sweet and very lovely too!!
I Loved it!!!! It expressed what i wanted to do last year (but my friends kept holding me back and preventing me ... although i may have not just said "hello" i would have let out a river of feelings!!
)
This was an excellent piece.. You've been writing some amazing stuff lately (fee eih??? )
The rhyme and choice of words was awesome ...
Keep on writing and good luck in the contest!
Nooni
-
Amazing
I liked this piece alot its very nice thank you for sharing it. -
i love poems that rhyme so well, it's something i wish i could do. The rhyming here is perfect, effortless sounding. And i love the build up to hello, it's just beautiful. I'm gonna try and read more of your stuff because if it's like this i want to read it
Thanx for commenting my poem.
-
wonderful poem! really good work!!
-
beautiful!
wow....this very much displays the feelings of love at first sight...the words are so intricately weaved in a way that makes so much sense it feels like you're there with the mystery gurl...i loved it! -
Very good poem! I really enjoyed reading it and really could invision what you were thinking when you wrote this. Great work!
-
very sweet and tender poem
col -
I really like this poem. It's very different to see a poem that focuses on the beginning of love. I think it is the most important, yet least depicted part.
Very good! -
This is really good..... It did relax me 2. I think this is a brilliant way of writing a very complex subject ... Love.... but in a more complicated form
I particularly liked the ending it had a good finished feeling.
WELL DONE XXXXX
~catie -
wow great poem it kinda gave me a relaxed feeling.
-
wow im totally in trance thank you for commenting on my poem but mine r no near as good as yours thank you so much for letting people like me read your work keep writing and ill keep reading
-
WOW thats so good i can really relate with this poem the same thing happens to me.
-
This is really excellent i love the flow. And this sounds silly but the words that u use!!!
-
This is the one I meant as your Valentine poem. I don’t know why I called it that I think because the Valentine contest was right above it and I assumed that was the name. Sorry about that. I really liked the Tainted Vacant laugh line. I’ve been trying to come up with a good disciption for a hollow laugh but that’s as far as I get. Hollow. Maybe this line will inspire me to write something. Lets all hope so.
-
as with everything the first is always the hardest, you know you want to speak but that first hello is the hardest thing to say, I am certain everyone will recognise some part of themselves in this and will have experienced the very same emotional turmoil at some time in their past and probably in their future too. A very compelling write, well done
-
This is such an amazing poem - it flowed beautifully and really brought out the emotion. This is a great piece of work and I can't wait to read more!
I especially like the verse,
'The sound of her waltzing feet,
Interrupted the silent room.
She hoped their eyes would meet,
As he smelled her sweet perfume.'
It made it sound like more of a story, rather than a poem, which really brought it to life. I'm definitely applauding!
x.x FreakOfNature x.x
x.x.x Jill x.x.x -
I LOVE THIS! im guna add this to my favs! thanks for the comment u sent, it means alot! and i can relate to this how i use to feel about a certain person! thank u for sharring this beauty of work!
skye
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx -
wow....goodness me, what a write, this blew me away. You can feel the emotion and the tension, and i notice the rhyming in here also, this must have been difficult, although reading it...it flowed beauitfully each line joining the next. Great read, and mindblowing images, wonderful piece and best of luck with the contest, l8az love always sky xxxx
-
This is absolutely beautiful.
Your flow and imagery was great.
I really like that you wrote a poem about love without all the mushy-gushy crap.
This is excellent.
Kudos.
Blessed Be,
~Sherry~
-
oh weaver of words you have the gift of letting one know your soul, for this poem is great because of the soft flow, with words of love keep writing, while I'M on my midnight run, from smoking gun
-
wow that was beautiful the way two people begin to fall in love and the emotions that you feel as you go through your way just to say your first hello i know how that feels i've said it many times and have had these same feelings but in a way i love it because sometimes its new sometimes its just the way everything was meant to be...wonderful poem...thanks for the comment
Xx ***ur babigurl***xX -
Great!
great poem, whose this about? It's really an awesome poem. -
Great write, you did an amazing job expressing the act of the first hello. Your words flowed well, and your rhyme pattern was perfect. Thank you for sharing such amazing work. Keep up the great work.
*Ktulu Blackwolfe* -
absolutely amazing. i loved it. thanks so much for entering!
-
Funky
I can totally relate to this one. You can actually feel the tension building inside as she walks across to see him. And it's true the hardest word she'll ever have to say to him will be that first hello -
wow, compared to your poems, mine are awful, i love the way u put that and i can totally relate, ur amazing, and i don't need to say so, ur poems speak for themselves
-
AWESOME MAAAANN
wow--thanks for comenting on mine-especially right after i posted it, thats cool. and man! awesome poem, you did an amazing job. but about mine...i usually DONT ryhm but i thought rhyming would suit this poem and again GREAT poem, im off to read more by you!
ps. awesome banner <<<<
pps. i have completly different styles on my page, but its up to you to pain yourslef with reading haha again THANKS for the comment-means alot i love feedback
-
really an excellent write! the last stanza was really what made the poem for me, i mean, the whole thig was excellent, but really that last stanza.... awesome work!
-
PURE GENIOUS!!!!
I am completely speachless! This is amazing! I can't believe anything so wonderful could come out of ANYONE! THis is pure genious! Thank you for sharing this with me! -
Such an amazing poem. I like how the suspense builds up, makes you wonder whats going to happen next. :]
-
great
:mouth drops: God, that was, god. It was like one of those poems that just draws you in and take you to another worlds, making you see different things, and see simple things in a more elloborate way, like just saying a simple hello can be the hardest challenge!
~The Prince -
AMAZING!
wow... really thats all i can say. This is amazing! really.. speechless <3.
BLACK ROSE POEM
Adding your comment:
1 - 60 of 60
