This irritation-
brings irrational thoughts
(maybe, if I smoked again)
I'd know why?
Even at three am
it seems absurd
How clever the body is
that instead of letting you choke
to death
You cough, cough, cough
and sniff, sniff, sniff
till you wake, bleary eyed
and all I can do
is -
click the kettle
slice the lemon
start all over again.
(Grandma's remedy cure works best)
Author notes
I'm sick, sick of this irritating cough that keeps catching my breath and waking me up and irriating the **** outta me and blerrggghhhh
03.15am and I'm here with a hot toddy- (lemon juice, honey, shot or irish whiskey and a couple of pain killers for good measure) and hopefully I can go back to bed to sleep.
Written February 21st, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- catch your breath by Cat.
300 points, ended February 25, 2006, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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I really really liked this poem, except for the last line "(Grandma's remedy cure works best)" It just seems out of place, like it interupts the flow of the poem and instead of bringing it to a swift end just kind of lets it fall to the ground. Otherwise it was a very good poem, I like the phrasing of it, structure, the way the words meshed down the page as if they were slipping slowly downwards. Very nicely done.
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Even sick, you write with prowess! You are very clever in your observations, and I hope the remedy was effective. The repetitions of the words reinforces the characteristics of bronchitis.
Klassy
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Grrrrrrrrrrrrr they're little blighters, aren't they, coughs? I hate it when they catch you at the most inappropriate memoments (like during an exam
) and everyone looks at you in *that* way...
Great poem though, you prtrayed the irritation well.
Julie xxx -
Congrats and hopefully your bout is over. This is brilliant as it is so relatable, yet there is a cure. Comes in a Mason jar, and toss in a few strawberries for good measure. But, I suppose Irish whiskey will substitute. Hope all is well in your world
Peace Muddy -
Congratulations on winning the bronze trophy with this write. Well written. Interesting interpretation.
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i'm on about 3 and a half cylinders as opposed to 4... lololololol so not at complete capacity yet...but hanging in there...
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just revisiting- i love the opening on this piece-
i do hope you have finally kicked it and are feeling a ton better.
m -
WOW & cool...
-
Excellent use of structure here.
The words hop all over the place which resembles a cough or a sneeze in a way.
Good word use as well
And the brackets were used wisely. Brackets can damage a poem by halting it too suddenly but this did not happen here.
Well done! -
awww hunny - sorry that tickle is keeping you awake, i cant say i envy the broken nights sleep
you have captured the involuntariness of being woken - not this is just how it is,,,
elaine
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excellent~
Sis
What a unique and interesting poem......sounds like my mom's reciepe for cough's too but she put Rock Candy in my whiskey
and then rubbed Vick's Vapor Rub on my chest little devil that I was 
and 
....Loved the format and style you used to like a downward spiral....oh and go easy on those pain killers with the shots of whiskey 
...best of luck in the contest sis...and I just posted a new one too drop by have missed ya...Get well soon sis...no fun being sick
Love n hugs
Susan~~~
Edited on Feb 21, 11:53 p.m. because 'error~'. -
cheers hot totty
first poem i seen on anyone beign sick... I do hope you are better and I know a caugh is the pits. I liked the poem and feel you did a good job writing it even tho you were sick.... -
I just got rid of that shit ... ain't no fun But you made it fun in sympathizing rather than living the experience
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Hey Lady - Sorry you are so sick! Sheesh! Get well already!
Even when you are under the weather you still write well.
I liked this section:
"How clever the body is
that instead of letting you choke
to death
You cough, cough, cough
and sniff, sniff, sniff
till you wake, bleary eyed"
My advice:
Do not read warning lables.
Take some drugs,
pass out, sleep a lot.
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Cool
this is good leads you to believe one thing but it turns out u have a cold.... cool .....Lee -
ahh bless you Jo... and thankyou hun... appreciate your kind thoughts
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hehehhheh
aye... you may have round 2 if I can't get back to sleep soon, with how I kicked next door's.... was going to say cat.. but will say dog ((( if they had one, that is??LOLOLOLOL ))) in order to vent my irrational behaviour on something.. other than myself, that is.... hhahahahahah
ooops... I do love animals and would never ever ever do that... will likely kick my daughter instead, wake her up and ask her to get me a drink of water or something stupid like that...
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sounds like my Mom's old recipe for coughs and colds, but since the last I had a dose of it I was probably 12, I'd suggest doubling on the Irish Whiskey. I'll catch her in the morning if there's anything else she may have included in that old cough medicine that you haven't mentioned, but I remember it would know the socks off any peristent cold...
I wish you were feeling better, Gill...and I know soon enough you will.
Jo -
nyquil- in lieu of nyquil a shot of coffee liquor is second best- i am shooting up coffee liquor as i write this. ok, shooting it up might be an overstatement, but i am throwing one back.
i love your line of sick poems. They reek of everything that defines me right now. The catch in the breath of this one is obviously because one can not breathe through a nose that is swollen shut like the sarcophogus of king tut.
These are adorable. One of your great attributes as a poet is your ability to take mainstream everyday notions, problems, moments and show us these moments with a new eye, a fresh face or even the same face but still make poetry out of the ordinary bits and pieces of life.
Anyhow- i go on because i can..
and might i remind you.. there is no entry limit on this contest so please feel free to write and write and write because i just love to read your sstuff!.
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