It’s the jell-O hoes of Texas, that I am going to tease
Their butts are big as bedsteads and ripple in the breeze.
They winnowed so my wallet last time I hit the town,
But now that it’s refurbished I’m sure that they’ll go down!
Chourus:
They’re the plumpest, tender rose butts that Texas ever grew,
They sparkle like a fresh clam left out to catch the dew;
You may sing about your Valentine, or even that Roxanne,
But there’s nothing like a jell-O hoe for banging in the can!
So now I’m going to find them, my pocket full of sheaths
And we’ll dance the dance together ‘neath pictures of Eve’s leaves,
And I’ll cross my fingers wildly as they writhe upon my lap,
Then pray to my deliverer that I don’t catch the clap!
Chourus:
They’re the plumpest, tender rose butts that Texas ever grew,
They sparkle like a fresh clam left out to catch the dew;
You may sing about your Valentine, or even that Roxanne,
But there’s nothing like a jell-O hoe for banging in the can!
Sung to the tune of… well if you can’t guess we both wasted our time΅!
I would also just like to say this is a joke made around an extended pun/puns – it is not intended to be a criticism of Texas, Texans or even Texico΅! There seems to be a bit of confusion recently about this type of thing… The last thing I need is a Texan fat-ma put on me!΅
Author notes
Written February 22nd, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Hilarious!
Perfect rhyme and humour. Even the disclaimer at the end makes one go laughing. Best Regards!
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Shocking!!!
Whoa thar Mr. Sandman, I sure know I ain't fine,
But this here little bit of yours sent shivers down me spine,
Whilst shut up in the bathroom a-riding Rodeo Hoe
I cain't help wondrin' what it is you do with the Jello ????!!!
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Dang, gonna have to be extra careful about what I write these days, damn edit button don't work.
Wanted to tweak this a bit, but I shan't bother now.
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ohhhhhhhhh i love it. it's been far too long since i've ready anything of yours. it's hard to imagine something as big as a bedstead rippling in the breeze, but that's exactly why i loved this: the absurdity!
enjoyed. -
Hi ya Silica... when I read the title "Jello Hose" I just knew that this was going to be a thinly disguised Pfizer advert for 'Viagra'. How good it is to see that it's just the opposite! Best to you.
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hysterical
Merry meet,
this was hysterical. I've got a sister-in-law in Texas and this made think of her instantly. Seriously, this is hysterical, hysterical I tell ya.......
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hehe! You had me smiling from the minute I put the tune with the words..which was right away! What a cute write. I really enjoyed it!
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Great writing.
Interesting way of rearranging the words of a great song to make it a funny song. You seem to have mastered this one well. -
I remember reading this before - how could one not have this one stick in their minds?
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I said it and I meant it, well sorta
I hope you are a man because I have fallen in love with you and I am not gay. I have finally met the man of my dreams who knows good and well how to write humor. Anybody can write poems that nobody understands, but you have to be damn well good to write humor. If it aint funny, aint nobody gonna laugh. Your place or mine?
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Hahahaha! This poem gave me a belly laugh. And now I can't get the tune of "yellow rose of Texas" out of my head! You rat!
I have to admit, I've never banged a jell-O hoe in the can, but it sounds lke something that might be fun.
Thanks for the laugh. Now I'm off to play some music in an attempt to wash that tune out of my head!
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Hmmm – χαιρετίσματα
– but it looks a bit vowel all the same – still llyrly great χαρά! Off to the Med for a tanΏ? It has turned all autumnal here in the last couple of days so I suppose you will be looking forward to summer…
Edited on Feb 24, 8:04 p.m. because ''. -
OH μου, εσείς άτακτο άτομο εσείς! φανταστείτε ότι όλοι εκείνοι πλήγωσαν τα τεξανά θηλυκά με τα μεγάλα κατώτατα σημεία τώρα! θα μπορούσατε να είστε μέσα για ένα boyo λυντσαρίσματος by the way..I'm learning a new language...but its prolly all Greek to you
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This is so outrageously raucous and funny I'll just have to forward it to my local legislator in Austin, Texas...lol
Being a native Texan I should be outraged but I can't stop laughing long enough to get mad about it. Great job!!!! My ten gallon hat's off to you mate.
Sincerely,
Leo Long -
A wonderful and clever poem to chase away the depressing blues. Nothing like a bit of sex to take your mind off your problems.
excellent.
John -
Sure – feel free, the more smiles the merrier!΅
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LOL !!! this is so great!!! but i'll be humming the yellow rose of texas in my mind the test of the night!!!
tysvm!!! -
Erotically Excellent
LOL, tooo much. This one had me humming and grinning from almost the beginning
Didn't take me long to put the music to the words
I certainly hope no Texans or uh...Queen sized ladies were offended, this is a joyful romp and all in good fun!
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Think you need an applaud for this - it is just great!
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So now I’m going to find them, my pocket full of sheaths
And we’ll dance the dance together ‘neath pictures of Eve’s leaves,
And I’ll cross my fingers wildly as they writhe upon my lap,
Then pray to my deliverer that I don’t catch the clap!
Ohhhh. I like I like I like. Good job here. Keep it up. -
Hilarious!!! Your rhyme was right on target......This is just fantastic and I can hear the tune....Very good!!
Smiles
your way >>>>>> Sandy San-d
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Really very creative - have not heard the original for such a long time, and this really was unique and so cretive. Funny as can be too.
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Oh GAWD this is the best song, that I have ever heard,
a parody that has me, hanging on every word!
And when I finish singing, I'll sing it two more times,
I would have sung just once but, that screwed up all my rhymes!
Edited on Feb 22, 9:59 p.m. because 'texas fatwa hah!'. -
Absoloutely hilarious.I needed a good laugh, thanks.I'd like to sing this to my friends sometime,if thats allright,actually now that i think about it I've never heard of the tune you mentioned.
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this was definately....original. it was pretty damn amusing, and i really enjoyed it. the uniqueness is undeniable. i loved the words you chose for this particular piece. there was defiantely a humongus, extensive word bank, as i call it. this is something i never would have thought to do, and you got my attention. for that i think you deserve calps ::claps:: continue to write, and i cannot wait until i read some more of you works!
-shelby -
This was cute... I was laughing my arse off through the whole thing. I loved the flow, the ryhme was great, and the story there was just outstanding. If you don't mind I like to copy this and send it to my sister and her husband, they live in Texas and they'll bust a belly on this one...please let me know if it's ok with you and again...GREAT JOB...LMAO. Gary
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