.blink.
I tasted heaven- in her tears
and breathed a bittersweet breath. of acrid emotion
amotion. of self.
and break me down in the process.
punch-drunk and bereaved. head hung low.
thinking. of this first taste of defeat- on the brink of relief
gritting teeth- with broken dreams
and self afflicted semi-something. no.
it's nothing in the least.
at least. that's what she said to me.
.breathe.
but never blink- life exists on the brink
between what we live and what we see.
and what we hate- it's impossible to retrieve.
and no. I'll never fucking believe.
a despondant- redundant, rhetorical piece.
of illusion. dillusion seems to bring.
brokendown peace. there's a choice- or so it seems
retracing starplexed voices
and noises that mark the decease. and we're lost.
the cost of the dream
is inevitable. someone save me.
.fail.
we're invisible.
life is lived on the edge of credible.
and tonight. I'll just be.
yes. I'll just be.
Author notes
Written March 1st, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Wonderful
Oh my! This poem rocked my socks off so to speak. the line "we're invisible.
life is lived on the edge of credible.
and tonight." I'll just be" was amazing, and an absolutely incredible ending to ana absolutely incredible poem. I have to give you props for your arangement and construction of the poem. I really like how you worded your sentencesm used breaks, it was great. And how you stopped and spaced for your .blink. etc was great, brought the reader to a pause and let them kind of drink it in. Keep up the great work!! -
Wonderful
Very Nice! I like the way you kept me in suspense with your punctuation and grammer. i was pleased with this poem, and the way it flowed sweetly. I commend your work. -
breathe. blink. fail.
those are really good line breaks in the poem
i like these lines:
I tasted heaven- in her tears
and breathed a bittersweet breath. of acrid emotion
amotion. of self.
and break me down in the process.
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wow, holy shit, i can't even put into words how great this is!
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I liked this; but could not think of anything to write down in a constructive comment because I believe it was perfect in the way that it was. The form I enjoyed, the imagary was powerful, and I think this is a great piece of art. Because this isn't a very helpful comment, I'm gonna send ya 17 points to make up for the click I took. Take care.
Kegger * -
brilliant
nice layout and punctuation nice emotive words and great ending in simple words but so power too. brilliant -
breathtaking
WOW THIS IS AN AMAZING WRITE. I CAN'T REALLY PUT ITS DEPTH AND EMOTION INTO WORDS OF ANY KIND. YOU WRITE EXTREMELY WELL AND I PRAY THAT YOU'LL WRITE MORE FOR THE WORLD OF POETRY TO ENJOY.
many
s
Jessy -
Wanting to be saved, but just being is the way it is - interesting flow that was kind of choppy due to stoppage of words in the lines, with the periods, but it created some interesting form here. Well done.
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wow that was really great. i really enjoyed reading that. i especially love the ending its really powerful and i loved it. keep up the great work
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Intense!
A dramatic and perplexing piece that's loaded
with passion and angst.
Much like life there are no real answers.
Sometimes, we do have to step back and just breath
least we tumble and fall down a endless rabbithole
that leads no where.
This was a riveting write that evokes passion
and reflective pondering.
The frustration felt in this poem was overwhelming.
A sign of excellent writing, for every good poet
desires to evoke emotional discourse from his or her
audience. Great job!
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Tons of emotion between two individuals that are in a sea of billions, I like this work: how many times it does not work out between two people and why?? We can analyze it later.
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Very, deep and very, descriptive. Interesting and thought provoking work. This is not usually my style or my theme content when I write and its usually not what I read but I have to say...This poem shows skill. You diction is awsome. Your theme is thought provoking. This poem leaves the reader with a feeling of it. Good work. Worth applause. :-) john
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wow i really liked this. i loved your punctuation, it accentuated the poem without dividing it. i'd like to try that style, i really thought it added to your piece and how i read it.
with the emotion in it...well, i can relate to that too. i really liked how you went from blink to but never blink. the ending kind of confused me, but at the same time i think it's the perfect ending.
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AMAZING!!!
AMAZING!!! Keep it up!!! One of the best I read yet!
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The rythym in this poem which emerged from the rhyme scheme was brilliant. assonance and alliteration are use to strong effect. Some interesting ideas I really liked "on the brink of relief" "life is lived on the edge of credible"
I this that way a lot myself. Cheers! -
Fantastic write! we're invisible.
life is lived on the edge of credible.
and tonight. I'll just be.
yes. I'll just be.
Wonderful words here... x x x
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Hitting
FEeelingg you man. -
This has power. This kicks ass. Outstanding...i mean OUTSTANDING, work here.
>>>Bride Of Hate<<< -
I love this peace. Wow! When life throws you a bowl of unflavoured poisoned soup,throw it to hell back and just be.
Great work. Thanks for sharing. -
love the layout, wordplay, line breaks and stanzas in this. i don't get the meaning tho
that in no way means it's not a great write because it us. i really admire the images your words show
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Wow, this is really deep, and powerful. I can relate to a lot of this, and I felt your emotions. I liked the whole layout of this, very creative. Good job, and keep up the good works.
~Morbid[♥]
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