I want to run with the wild horses.
But something's stopping me.
Why do I hold on to everything?
Why can't I let go?
I want to run with the wild horses.
But terror surrounds me.
Why can't I face my fears?
Why must I be so scared?
I want to run with the wild horses.
I want to be free.
Why can't I release my emotions?
Why do I feel like I can't breathe easily?
I want to run with the wild horses.
I want to break loose.
Why am I bound so tight?
Why can't I find my way out?
I want to run with the wild horses.
I want to open up my heart.
Why can't I tell them how I feel?
Why can't I love like I'm longing to?
I want to run with the wild horses,
I want to break free.
Author notes
I may only be 14, but I hope you wont discount me for that reason only. Please comment on this poem, tell me what you like & what you don't like about the poem itself and my writing style, as well as tips for how to improve the poem/my writing style.
Written March 7th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
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Good job. I ususally love the repition, but it might have been too much. Maybe if you had said other animals you would like to run alongside... but I really like the whole idea and feel of the poem.
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You've asked for criticism so here goes...
You seem to think you're ahead of your years (from your author comment). I would say that I could have guessed the age of the writer of this piece. You may think you're in a different league from other but you have to remember that most of the people in your peer group here are crap. They come here for the social aspect and litter emo drivel about.
It's nice to see you straying from this territory, and you can spell and have a good grasp of grammer which is nice to see. But this still has the signs of a youngsters effort, that in itself is not a criticism. You are a youngster, this is to try and provide you with advice.
The other comments are correct, repetition can be useful. But it is a difficult tool to master. The reason I think it falters here is the central metaphorical image. Wild horses is a rather cliched image for freedom in the same way that a bird is.
Cliches can be difficult to avoid at times and trip up many people. Either don't use them, or invert them. The best advice I can offer anyone your age who wants to better their writing is to read as much as they can across a varied spectrum. There's no easy way, I'm afraid. -
goodstuff
agree. Repitition is ok if it's a hook, but it's got a good theme. Keep 'em comin, and enjoy it. Even if it is repetative. -
i agree it is a little repetative. and i don't paticularly like the ending coz your kinda repeating yourself. but i like a feeling in it.
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shweet...
that's pretty good, awesome variation in the corusy thing; a little repetative though, like, add in a verse or two, and make a happy little jig!
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