I know that I have shown,
So many signs of weakness,
But somewhere in me
there is strength.
And if only I could find it,
It wouldn't be so hard.
I know there's nothing really wrong.
But the planning permits have come through.
And they're building a new skyscraper over me,
Just after you knocked the old one down.
Author notes
I may only be 14, but I hope you wont discount me for that reason only. Please comment on this poem, tell me what you like & what you don't like about the poem itself and my writing style, as well as tips for how to improve the poem/my writing style.
Written March 8th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Great
The metaphor is really good, but not obvious, in fact I don't think I would have got it if you didn't explain it. I really like the poetry, but it doesn't really get the point across until after you explain it. Next time try dumbing it down for the rest of us
Just Kidding!!! Don't do that, your poetry is for YOU, if we don't get it that's our loss, YOU have to keep YOUR poetry YOUR'S otherwise you won't be able to write with the same kind of depth or feeling. It has to come from yourself or it doesn't work.
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you know, it isnt actually about overdevelopment at all. I use a skyscraper as a metaphor for my emotions. Its like.. you're a mouse, and you're holding up a skyscraper, and every floor of the skyscraper is another issue or problem or feeling. And so i tall skyscraper means that the mouse (you) is really struggling and suffering, and if it's short, or not there at all, that's alot better... If that made sense...
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Short but powerful. Good use of methaphorical skyscrapers.
The "weakness, but somewhere in me there is strength" part sounds like it is straight out of one of my fave Relient K songs. Ever heard of them? Good write, by the way.
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This is good. The shift from the personal to incorprating the political from the first to the second stanza is excellent. It gives a real sense of emerging development like a juggernaut.
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Wow!!! I really like this one! It's so...human
Original poem that succeeds in conveying some strong feelings.
I can just give one piece of advice to everyone: listen to your heart when you write
Magic Daydreams
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it may be only a small detail the backgound does not quite fit inwith the poem to enhance the effect of what is written, for 14 you write well...am i reading it right...you to the old sky scraper........?
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ciggies, torlet...
man...
how insightful...
really shows well how you feel, but you need to stop writing about how you're sad because you're starting to sound emo...
EMO I TELL YOU!!!
*points accusatively*
accusationally...
WHATEVER!!! -
I like the reference to the downside of overdevelopment.... if thats what you meant.
I think its great -
good
UMMM Me like but my favorite part is I know that I have shown,
So many signs of weakness,
But somewhere in me
there is strength.
And if only I could find it,
It wouldn't be so hard.
I can really relate to this poem Great job and keep up the good work.
-Kimberly
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Man, maybe its just too late at night for me, but I'm not entirely sure I get it... What is the skyscraper?
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8.5/10
This poem is deep, and means a lot to anyone who reads it. I cn easily relate to it. Nicely written.
-Jamie
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