And it all fell apart-
With improper tones
sand and gravel footfalls
on carpeted corridors
peep-hole doors
hush
hush
Then chaos
sounds with crunching bones
deafening sideswipes
music-
blares with knock-a-door run
run
on
It was
only yesterday
that you flicked your hair
nonchalant
In that
girlie-girl way
yet wiles and snake eyes
flutter flaunt taunt
leeringly it recoiled
smelled of fetid flesh
gnarled pox marks along thigh
knee high
to hip-
groin aches
pin sneer
nostril aflame
And today
it all escaped
fell to the floor
bin bags and heated words
lost horizons
beyond
denial
denial
Never to repent
(much too) pertinent
Oh for the love(of God) it's so- penitent
Author notes
work related .... working in drug addiction
Image is heroin under an electron microscope with neon filters
Written March 10th, 2006
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Comments
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hope can be such a brittle thing, almost as if it is made from thin sugar - ready to snap at the slightest hint of stress.. that stress which makes us smaller in all the things we do that take the most from us, like attempt to alter habits long set in our bones.. in a blink we no longer stand tall, but find ourself six feet shorter than we planned.. each time we fall.. don't we? .. it gets harder to get back up.. but in the end that's all we have..when it is as you say.. so damned penitent........ -
A meaningful, and yes, pertinent write, Gill... and the picture.. how can something so horrid be so beautiful.
You must see so much heartbreak and folly in your work... well not in YOUR work but in the subject of your work... Hell, you know what I mean...
Like masterblaster above, I can't see why anyone ever gets started on drugs, especially knowing, seeing the results all around us. Such a sad waste
When I see the poetry posted here by Phoenix Poets, I'm amazed at the insight they now seem to have. By the way, haven't seen any lately..nothing's showed up on my favorites from them.... are you still working with that?
Anyway... I think this is an awesome piece, Gill
Dee
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Wow...I liked the poem. It didn't seem to have a theme or a message, but that is why it was so great. It was random, yet had a point. I never would have guessed this had to do with drug addiction, but when I read back over it...it kinda made sense. Your use of spacing was also superb.
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I liked this, although it seems a bit vague at time; but, I guess that's the beauty of some poetry. The form actually seemed to help convey meaning and rhythm, but I really don't understand this type of form...
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ever had an orgasm from reading?
an absolutely beautiful write. it's tale's that of admiration and devotion, and the hateful feelings that come along with any one good. this is how the poem felt to me, and i was caught by the lip from the first word until the last. -
i give it an 8.5
Wow, this is a crazy write! I dunno what to say about it. Everything was great. Loved the knock-about rhythm. Loved the vocabulary. Very good stuff! If only there was a computer sign for snapping my fingers. Keep up the good work and I hope to read more! This one is going on my bookmarked list!
Oh yeah, and what is the plant/flower in the picture? -
excellent
really well written.very clever -
I don't usually like this type of poetry, but this one enticed me. Great write.
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Through a Drugged Haze.
And as the drugs take hold draining the body torturing the soul with the degredation and the medication.Split thoughts and perceptions all screwed up and they land in the wards till they wander off again.love the form and structure with the reflection on the quality of life.The denial in their faces and words and the imagery has to be tough but your understanding is warm.Powerful.Elizabeth. -
Thanks Di...
I just like to see how words move on the page sometimes..
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Hi,an unusual form, but it worked well, I cannot for the life of me understand why people take drugs, I like to feel my feet on the ground, ok a few drinks now and then,trouble is I smoke and that too is an addiction, havetried so many times to quit, I became bad tempered after 8 hours of no smoking, I work with the public and cannot be bad tempered, maybe someday they will make a magic pill to stop, great write, all the best, hugS Di
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thankyou for such a lovely comment
I really appreciate it..
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yup....
breathed today.... got tomorrow off..
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Wow! This was absolutely amazing! I loved the style and format, and especially the metahpors and imagery in this poem. It's just... brilliant. I can't think of anything to critique, and there aren't words enough to praise it. Beautiful, sleek, perfect. Keep it up!!!
I've got to read more of your work. -
One of your strongest pieces in more ways than one, Stefan is right. It has come out with strength in poetic form as well as message the phrasing the word choices and the poetic devices all so well used. Excellent and moving Gill.
Don't forget to breathe... -
this is so powerful Gill ---
so evocative and well presented - it pours down the page with feeling - and is sadly so absolutely how it is - it has clearly been a tough week - and i am glad you got this out ..
in comparison and i hope not so serious - i was dealing with two drunken 14 year old girls - at 9.30 am this morning - what the f^&k is the world coming too eh? white cider on the way to school!!
one of whom went on to puke in my bin - the other decided to disclose... all stuff way way too hard for a friday morning...
it's friday - the id badge is swinging on the kitchen door and the wine is already open and -- well we need to relax methinks
take gentle care of you hunny
elaine
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i relly like this poem dude u have a talent thats 4 sure y dont u check out sum of moi poems sum tyme Nd tell me what u think
jason -
This is a great piece Gill, I really like this one. Wish I didn't relate to it as much as I do...LOL Loved the use of white space (gray really) it really works so well.
Al -
Thankyou to both of you....
It's been a hard week ... this one had to come out
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This is one of, if not the most rending of all the 'work' poems. It was this bit
It was
only yesterday
that you flicked your hair
nonchalant
In that
girlie-girl way
yet wiles and snake eyes
flutter flaunt taunt
If that doesn't tear the guts out of people I don't know what will. I cry for someone else's daughter who could well be mine.
Stef -
Wow Gill, your work poems are so intense ... but soooo damned good! This is inovative and provocative ... damn, why can't I write like that!
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