Once agin, it’s that time o’year,
when fam'ly gits t’gether fer some holiday cheer.
I greet my relations with a smile and a wink,
but I’ll nev'r survive if there’s nuthin’ t’drink.
Ev’r year’s the same, we nev’r git along.
There’s always fightin’, ‘cause no one’s wrong.
I pour'd myself a stiff one, then had anuth’r,
Almost ready t’meet my ailin’ mother.
Uncle Bud complain’d ‘bout the rott’n home team.
I prepar’d fer the wurst with a shot of Bim Jeam.
We all look’d t’see who slamm’d the front door,
Yup, Sis strut'd in like a who-bit tore.
Soon ev’r one’s drinkin’ and feelin’ fine.
Antie Jane guzzl’d a wottle of bine.
Cuzin Billy has a pitch’r and bugg'd his cheer.
Uncle Joe drank Dack Janiels and quanc’d like a deer.
The twins yodel’d a Christmas carol.
Pa put a tapp’r in anuth’r balf harrel.
Billy teas’d Sis and tinch’d her pit.
She nick’d him in the kuts and pitch’d a fit.
I punch’d Billy and knock’d his looth toose.
D’fendin’ my sis was a handy excuse.
I slipp’d fat on my lass, and as I fell,
he call’d me a birty dastard, horn in bell.
Ev’r body’s fightin’, both old and young,
‘til Granny yell’d loud ‘nuf t’lust a bung.
"Vittles is serv’d! Git ‘em while they’s hot."
All the fightn’ stopp’d . . . I nit y’shot.
Pa gave a blessin’ b’fer breakin’ bread,
as we sat ‘round the table, the dickerin’ was bead.
We rais’d our glasses and I made a toast,
t’the Father, Son and Gholy Host.
Silly and Bis found tistlemoe o’erhead.
The kids open’d present b’fer goin’ t’bed.
Uncle Joe shout’d, "Cherry Mistmas ev’r body," fer all t’hear.
I reply’d, "And have a Fappy, Huckin’ Yew Near!"
Author notes
I haven't written a poem since August of last year, but when I heard 'bout this here contest, I couldn't resist bustin' out my hillbilly genes to see if they still fit.
Written April 28th, 2006
A contest entry
- AnnDeefanity - saying it without saying it by AnnD.
500 points, ended May 15, 2006, 2 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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spectacular! it is SO nice to have you back! this was awsome! i loved it lol. really really cute! i dont know what else to write at the time but i cant wait for your next piece..hopefully soon. *kat~~~
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this was really great! i laughed my oss aff. yeah ok im not so good at it
but this was funny good luck!
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this took a few goes but was worth cleaning the glasses for, these are all very cleaver and this well thought out as well.
Funny dosent matter how much we gain or loose those hillbilly overalls always fit 'n' snug
Edited on May 09, 2:44 p.m. because ''. -
Very cute! I like it!
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Billy teas’d Sis and tinch’d her pit.
Oh Dan this is marvellous, it's funny and cheeky and full of fun and I'm so glad you entered this contest. You know you're great with the Hillbilly side of your family lol, remember the christmas cake recipe.
Good Luck in this contest but I bet your relations up in the hills will love this
Von
Edited on Apr 30, 8:51 because 'typo - laughing as I wrote'.
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I did some tinkerin' with the tenses. It's hard t'think straight when it comes t'fam'ly.
Edited on Apr 30, 8:34 because ''. -
ROFLMHO! Where the heck have you been? Nice to see you in top form.
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Good call Inside and out, Thanks.
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very very funny....You might want to change something in the line where your cousin Pilly has a pitcher...You have changed an innocent word into a swear word...the opposite of what the host has in mind.
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Now that's funny! This is a HUGE chunk of Amiericana. It would be great without adhering to the contest rules, but the added complexity has been done quite well. Funny, imaginative and "colorful", this is a great write. Best of luck in the contest.
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