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Dark Creatures

Dark creature
Created of lore
Stand at my window
Protector or beast

For I know a secret
I’m willing to share
A secret of blood lust
Behind cold pale stares

Ogres and monsters
Appear in disguise
And smile at your children
As they walk slowly by

Those who reveal them
Rarely escape
For they are the vampires
Crimson payment they take

I know what you’re thinking
Vampires are not real
A childish notion
A Gothic ideal

But I know the truth
For their meal has been mine
And now I will pay
As I walk the white line

They feast on the flesh
Of the weak and the young
Tearing and scraping
Until they are done

Soon more will awaken
As I draw my last breath
And consume my remains
So violent a death

Don’t begrudge them their blood
They need to survive
They don’t understand
The darkness inside

They turn on their own
Unashamed of their act
It’s just in their nature
For death to attract

And who are these beasts?
These lovers of blood?
These vampires, these demons
This unholy flood?

I tell you I see them
With every day passed
We cannot escape them
For theirs is our cast

With my final breath
Before turning to dust
The secret I know?
The monster is us

Author notes

Been reading a lot of vampire-related stuff lately and decided to write this. Will probably look back at it in a week and think 'omg that's stupid' but with any luck someone else will do it for me All I ask is that you be completely honest. If you don't like it say so - trust me I can take it.
Written May 6th, 2006

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    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Saint Gut-Free
    May 22, 2006
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    Great piece. Very imaginative language and clever rhyme. Excellenet rhythm that is flawlessly sustained throughout. I don't normally enjoy darker poetry, but nonetheless this held me. You were unlucky not to win. Nice job.
  • Danoz
    May 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on coming 3rd in Danoz's: Prewrites only contest!!! I hope you enjoyed the contest!
  • Danoz
    May 21, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Awesomly unfair!

    I cannot believe you entered the contest Coral and put me in this position! this is by far the best entry yet... But you're my AP SISTER!!! How rigged would it look if i gave you first place! I again, really really really like this write of yours! If i could applaud it again, i would! "The Monster is Us" aarrgghh! SLAP!
    Thanks for entering and good luck with the contest!
    Danoz

  • Hope2MakeIt
    May 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    hey--at this point if he would love me forever he could take all the blood he wanted. lol. this was great and i hope you do not take my comment as sarcastic. i am just in a mood tonight. bored to pieces. this is well writtten and i wish you the best of luck in this contest that you have entered. hope2makit

  • deborahseyes
    May 15, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Great piece...loved the passion

    You are a very gifted writer...loved the rich wealth of poetic justice. Kirk

  • starwing
    May 15, 2006
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    this was a different take on vampires... never thought of it that way... was a very good write..peace to you...shzoosy

  • gothchyld
    May 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This is dark and haunting, and it relates to me as I am a fan of Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles. I guess it is a crossover of fantasy and vampirism, but it maybe better if you say strongly about one more theme. But, the descriptive imagery is absolutely wonderful on the loss and frustration of vampires. Well done and good luck in the contest!

  • Moonlight Garden
    May 10, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Love those last 2 lines!!

    Wicked Kewl & sinister!! Very dark, haunted and enchanting!! I enjoyed this poem very much. You should check out the poet Real of Shadows. He too creates some intensley dark and haunting poems. I wrote that poem for him... about him. You may like his stuff. I absolutely adore it!!! This poem is excellent!! Great job. =)
  • Cacophony of Chaos silver member
    May 9, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I have to agree with Danoz.
    I did not sense much vampirism in this.
    Which is mainly what I was looking for.
    I'm really sorry.
  • Danoz
    May 8, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Fantastic

    I really liked it. I was a bit wary at first about a *vampire* write. But i enjoyed it. And the words are great. Especially at the end "The monster is us" i love it!
1 - 11 of 11