Don't be so discreate
Make your stand now
Sell the product
and all you're worth
Let the Gods drink from you
Your aliment will be lifted
Your blood consumed allows
the powerful to become weakened
Entrusted within confinements
Scribbled on these 'walls with ears'
Listen to these lungs implode
My power invested
in you standing next to me
My power entrusted
the phantom to take your hand
My God,
how parched you have become
The powerful become weakened
The doors swiftly close
and then the rain comes
When rain is needed most
we dance in it...
as usual
My fear is relaxing
My voice goes
as I plee,
'It's all right,
It's all right,'
as you suck the blood
from my palm.
In my hand
I hold your face
so you can look at me
Author notes
Written May 8th, 2006 Original Title: Raspy. Sounded to fake to me. Horse works better for me on many different levels.
What did you think
Comments
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this is really well written. i would rethink the last stanza so. "i hold your face/ so you can look at me" is so powerful. if you ended with it, it would leave so much with the reader. and is "discreate" supposed to be "discrete" or is it like "dis-create" because that is awesome.
another great work
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im drinking a mutated drink so i grow anothe
is cool, could have so many meanings. First part could easely be brought in numerous rpg games hehe. Yet I love it, as its a demon telling you that you can defeat the gods..sorry been playing oblivion way to much and suddenly everything has something to do wiht that game...
But its a great text of a strong powerfull you. Just the end that shows youre still the weak one.
Without the last part the poem could be entirely about something else. I love such poems that lead you thinkin about what i could be and thne in the end you see it has nothing to do with what you first thought.
Then again im not sure if al would understand it. then again no one can be ever sure what they think its about is what you meant it ot be. the power of a good poem, letting different people see different meanings.
heh the way i see the poem i like it.
Promise of power but without her all the power if meaningless.
im actually going ot use the applaud button for the first time hehe.
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