From my pedestal, I can view the world
My people pass me by.
I can see the love, the hope; the sorrow.
But while I sit, I cry.
I cry for the uncaring
And I cry for the unkind.
In fact, here on my pedestal,
I’m weeping for mankind.
They just don’t understand yet,
The way it’s supposed to be
For this world that they’re mistreating;
It belongs to me.
From my pedestal, I can view the world
My people pass me by.
For I know that someday, someone,
Will finally hear me cry.
Author notes
Written especially for a competition. I dont usually write then post straight away, I usually take time to read it over and over. But this time I have only read over it once. I'd like as much critical comments as possible.
Written May 6th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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exelent
now this one i particulary like for it reads as though it was writen right from the heart and i like that!
keep up the good work and thank you for sharing your work with us
this has to be my fav of yours (so far)
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Excellent
This is a wonderful blend of feeling isolated, yet has the tension of compassion. -
Xcellent poem
"Jesus Wept". That line is still true in this poem if that is who he meant when he wrote it. I think Jesus still weeps for us and yet, he is awesome in his forgiveness. If only all mankind could feel His Love, then a new poem would have to written to include the line,"Jesus laughed". Very touching and reflective on the way of the world as seen thru the eyes of someone who truly cares. I Like It! -
My favorite line/stanza was
"In fact, here on my pedestal,
I’m weeping for mankind."
For some reason those words just jumped out at me..
Great work...
Kat -
wow...
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Well Done!!
A well written poem indeed. I love the meaning behind this, it is very captivating.
Keep writing
Countrybabe
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If Only We Could See Through Eyes Like This
NOW! This is an especially well written poem! I love the imagery created here. I can see a young person standing there witnessing all mankind in its destruction and chaos.. then this one cry rings out. ITs beautiful! SO much is spoken here with out saying much. Very nice write. I applaud this poem!! Woohoo. -
This is a very good write. It says so much. People don't care how they others or our world. Great job. You express these concerns and feelings well. Jeannie D Hunter
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A very thought-provoking poem.
While the construction is relatively straightforward, the times when you repeat a phrase really work well.
If there was more poetry like this out "there" then maybe more people would think about the consequences of their actions. -
this was a very well done piece but pretty sad
the flow and form of this was interesting, thanks for sharing, keep up the awesome poetry and best of luck in this contest.
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"In fact, here on my pedestal,
I’m weeping for mankind.' just two lines that hit home. Truly an exquisite write!
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good
damn thats good
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I think this was very well done and for a quick write it was great. I also think it could be taken many was by many poeple. I'm sure that God is tired of the way we treat the world, but aren't a lot us. We're destroying something beautiful that we can never get back or leave to our children, out future. Wonderfully done and nice flow.
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skillfully written and intriguing. it is a very flexible write that can be intepreted differently depending on mood!!!
Edited on May 18, 11:55 p.m. because 'spelling mistake'. -
Ok. Now that I know there is ONE of your poems I haven't commented on...here it is: I think it would be hard to try and see things from Gods pov but if I had to speculate I'd say you captured it perfectly. Imagine just sitting up there and being able to see everything. It's said that God doesn't see our faces as such but when he looks at us he sees into our soul. So we don't have our pretty smiles and friendly eyes to present to him - we only have every single bad emotion - bad feeling - pain and suffering and whatever little good we can wring out. It must be horrible to see the world that way. And I like how it ended with the only real emotion that keeps us breathing - hope.
Another great write.
Coral -
Thankyou very much I am beginning to write in more structured ways. I'l be sure to let you know when i upload some Cheers
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Thanks heapd for your comment mate. I know what you mean with the *forced* rhyming.. I'm still in the editing process. Just waiting for a few heads up comments form people like you.
Thanks again
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I liked it. The rhyme scheme was pleasant (be it a little forced "And I cry for the unkind ... I'm weeping for mankind."). The rhythm and flow were at times a little bumpy but overall I think they didn't take away from the piece. I like the message of frustration. I don't really ever read something that is pure frustration and I think this piece is pretty close to that. I think that a lot of people have that same sense of pity for the stupid people of this world. Some people get mad, but a lot of people just feel pity and that's what I sense from this piece. You have an excellent mind and if you continue to work at this poetry thing it should get much, much better. I like the writing but it isn't going to appeal to everyone. If you hone in and just express yourself (whether that be in a less structured form as in free verse, or more structured form in metered writing or things of the like) I think that you could be a great writer. But you have a good start and good language use. Keep it up and put more of yourself in your writing. You should be alright in the long run. Good luck to you. I'll keep an eye on ya.
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I think this is very touching. You did a good job. The ryhming, atleast in the begining, seems a little forced so I would suggest working with that a little. I think peace, love, respect, and those those things are beatuiful ideals and things to strive for. keep putting the pen to the paper and maybe experiment with different forms- you never know what you might end up liking (i myself have just begun to try out more structured poetry, verse, certain syllables, etc... and they are in the works).
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Good luck in the contest, I got religious overtones from this write like Jesus or God watching man kind hurting each other , any way thats my view , keep penning.
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