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I'll Be Alright

I'll be alright,
Once the stars start falling,
And I can catch them in my palm.

I'll be alright,
Once the moon is in reach,
And barely a hair's breadth away.

I'll be alright,
When the planets collide,
And join together as one.

I'll be alright,
Once the sky opens up,
And pours light and love down on me.

Author notes

I may only be 14, but I hope you wont discount me for that reason only. Please comment on this poem, tell me what you like & what you don't like about the poem itself and my writing style, as well as tips for how to improve the poem/my writing style.
Written May 9th, 2006

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    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • June 19, 2006
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    Sweet! One of your best poems yet, keep it up!!
  • Magic Daydreams
    May 23, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Nice poem! Nice imagery!
    But I think the stanzas are a bit too short too let through really cool images.
    Keep it up!

    Magic Daydreams

    P.S. I don't think people will see the poem differently because you are 14. I have friends on AP that are younger and are good, so: courage! lol
  • TylerLee
    May 22, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    This poem is a bit unusual, but nethertheless has a profound meaning to the author. A person happy no matter what. It may be short, but it has meaning.
  • Frenzics
    May 20, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    very good. *claps loudly* i think this poem is very deep and meaningful. its a very painfilled poem with the hint of hope that one always needs.
    Well done.
    frenzics

  • May 14, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    wow!
    HOW DO YOU WRITE POEMS? GOT ANY HINTS?

  • Winterous
    May 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    :S

    woops forgot to aplaud

  • Winterous
    May 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    kewl

    I this is awesome, i can't delve into it as much as these guys, but i just think it sounds cool, which is really all that mine do...
    oh well, keep on truckin'!

  • Corvidae
    May 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!

    Hey~ Nothing wrong with a short poem! Just turn your age around anf you would have mine...Don't discount me because of my age, 'K?

    I think you have written a very good poem. The first thing that leaps into my mind is the question, "Why isn't she allright?" Aside from that, I think your imagery is well done as evidenced by:

    "Once the stars start falling,
    And I can catch them in my palm"

    There is a bittersweet quality about the theme of this piece. In my mind, you're saying "I'll be allright when miracles happen, but for now, I live in this quiet misery." Very profound! You've captured a feeling most folks feel, but won't admit to.

    Very well written and stated! If you wanted to expand on this piece I think you could very easily, or leave as is. It's wonderful! A poem is never truly finished, you know?

    You have the heart of a true poet. It doesn't matter what your age is. Keep writing.

    Peace to you!


  • May 13, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    It's hard to judge/ comment on a poem/ poet's style on just one write. So, I will look at your others, too. Please do the same for me. As for this poem, I like the style, and the twisting and joining of pain and hope is the mark of a maturing writing style. I personally love to write pain-filled poems with a tinge of hope. I really like your imagery. How I would like the moon to be in reach! Then maybe I, too, would be alright.
1 - 9 of 9