As I walk down the streets of new
I stumble and I fall
The stones on the path of righteousness
Have crumbled; like my soul.
As I walk down the streets of old,
Where all human desires are met
Here, I reside in a life of sin,
One I'm defenceless to forget.
As I walk down the streets of oblivion
I understand the mistakes that I’ve made
This flesh scented oven-like hell that I'm in
Is for those that have never obeyed
Author notes
This write is also *personal*. Please leave comments critical or otherwise.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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hmm....
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I've commented upon this before I know... but seriously my last comment was basicallly cr@p...
I really like this peice, it is fantastically written, the contrasta and descriptions are wonderfully powerful. the image of a path is strong and very effective, esspessially with the conections made to the character (ie. The stones on the path of righteousness, Have crumbled; like my soul.)
a very deep peice with well used effective ideas, overll just a brilliant pece of writting -
lovelly
Yay For Danoz! I have seen you around before so I chose to read your poem! I liked it a lot it was quite deep and you did a great job writting it, I wish you the best of luck in this contest!
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awesome ending. loved it...
This flesh scented oven-like hell that I'm in
Is for those that have never obeyed -
wow
super strong imagry, i liked the contrast between streets,
good luck in the contest
~Clare -
Excellent
This was so intense. Very full of the essence and struggle of a soul. -
First of all I love dark poetry... I agree alot with JM's interuptation. I am not a fan of rhyming poems (though I do it once and a while myself hah) but this piece was good. The lines were seemingly unforced and the flow was even and did not stumble. I love the repition in each stanza. At first I thought the last stanz fumbled over the rhythm but I went back and reread it several times and realized that it fit perfectly hah. great work and best of luck.
FlavoredPoison -
very good
This poem makes me feel the conviction he has as a sinner who won't repent. His guilt makes it heavy for him, and he feels he deserves to be right where he is because of his freewill choices. He feels there is no way back to rightousness and he has accepted whatever fate awaits him. He's too far gone and can't be saved, no matter what. Kinda sad, really, cuz I don't feel like its ever too late to be saved , only people who give up the hope that it will never happen and they will never be forgiven no matter what they did or think. I like it! -
Full of Soul and MOving
This is a very touchy poem. It makes me think of "Stopping By Woods On a Snowy Evening", but that poem is about suicide.. I love the way you talk about your soul and living a life of sin.. My favorite is the last stanza.."As I walk down the streets of oblivion I understand the mistakes that I've made This flesh scented oven'like hell that I'm in Is for those that have never obeyed" ... The imagery is so beautiful and so dark.. I get lost in the words.. I can see you walking here and feeling like the damned... lovely write.. *applause* -
once again you've been able to really say it all =D good luck w/ ur writing
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Another Great Write From You
Another great piece from you. I love how many of the readers can relate to it. Keep up the good work.
Keep writing
Countrybabe
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Great poem we can all relate too. No one is perfect. Great rhymes and flow. Great writing and thoughts. Jeannie D Hunter
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Loved it
Wow, you're excellent...impressive!
Man, i din know any poets on this site could write like that. Well done, first time on this site I really could like a poem like that...it's sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo impressive! I can't say anymore, I really like it. -
wow very powerful ending but well done, thanks for sharing this piece, keep up the awesopme poetry and best of luck in this contest here.
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How many times do I have to tell you how much I like this? I love this sooo much! And you didn’t want to post it! Look at all the appwase Well done bro!
Coral -
Very powerful
Hi Danoz, what an outstanding poem this is and expressed with such wonderful intensity. Very profound and introspective and how true to life this is. Ta also for commenting on my poem "Why Quarrel" and glad that you enjoyed it so. Gonna add you to my favorites, yes siree!!! -
very well written
I like your style here. The repetition of the first line, is very effective. Each stanza tells a story of this persons moral mistakes in life. Very powerful poem.
etherealforu
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excellent
how true your words are!the poem is definitely thought provoking and words are well framed.kudos! -
Beautifully written, I liked it. This has a darkness to it I think just they whole feel of the poem and how its set out, mysterious, well done!!!
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this is undiluted poetic acid!!! deep, topical & introspective with an easy flow.There is wisdom in this write for those willing to search for it. thanks for sharing I really fell in love with your opening stanza and your cleverly chosen topic.
Sam
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Aces over Suicide Kings!!
Strong content but still an easy read! Very well done, ol' chap!! I can relate all too well...glad to know I'm not alone, yet.
ASITD
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Whoops, I didn't realize I've already commented on this. I enjoyed reading it again, though! I see the contest has ended; gonna go check out how you did.
Thanks for sharing!
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Good Peom! I liked the different kinds of streets you did all with their own meaning. Good Job!
~Amanda -
Powerful
A very powerful piece with a personal message that grabs
the readers attention. A reflection of comparisons and
contrast which ignites the mind and stirs the spirit.
There's so much in life that is uncertain.
One of the many things that we need to know in life
is self. To know ones self is to begin on a journey
that leads to peace love and liberation.
A very fine write with soul and creativity. -
oh this is so good, a well written, deep, and powerful poem. I might add this made me think I got caught up into it and that's what it's about catching the reader well expressed poetry... I found this in the most applauded and I see why...I applaud you and this great piece of poetry...
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Excellent Poem!!!!
A true walk into hell for a piece of heaven. I fully agree with your text, one must endure setbacks and learn to forgive and forget in the path of Fire. And most of all, have the courage to believe in your dreams when all forces seem to be against this will. Excellent, mature poem!
Cheers
JP -
Had to think about this one for a while, very well written, a look into a soul. If this is really personal I hope you have found your way out, God is the answer. Keep up the wonderful work.
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well done
Hey Danny...I actually really like this one. Not because it is warm and fuzzy feel good, cuz it's not, but because it seems too real... -
wonderful///following a crumbling path that is decayed like your soul. splendid!
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Well done
Deep and thought provoking. Each reader will take what they want from it. -
There are so many times when i was oblivious! What a fantastic write!! I enjoyed this immensely!
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thought provoking...impressive
i enjoyed reading this and the images in my mind played out - thoughts and ideologies which your words enovked...... i read this through a number of times .... the reader can take what they see or want i have had a few takes on it each one different... like it when i am provoked in thought ..... great write.
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Hey thankyou for your comment I changed it to *oven-like* but i know defenceless is correct (that is depending on where you're from) Thankyou again
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Yet another masterpiece oh wonderous poet - lol. I luv this because the more times you read it the more you get out of it. It's deep, complex...and as always - twisted
It's also really personal - like a glimpse into the human soul struggling with reality.
Coral -
A nice little poem, i like the repitition, kind of drums in your message! The rhythm and rhyme are faultless and don't feel to forced or false. Nice write,well done,
Mim x -
I had to read this a few times, just to let it all sink in. This is a really great write, and I can relate. Aside from some grammar mistakes, I see absolutely nothing wrong with this poem. Keep up the excellent work! Thanks for sharing!
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