In a whisper I could tell you
Why I bleed behind walls
Why I close my open wounds
Why I hide
In a whisper I could help you understand
The complexities of my simple mind
The shadow across my face
The laughing demons
In a whisper I could show you
What haunts me from dark corners
What lures me behind bars
What I am
In all these silent, secret whispers
I could let you see behind the mask
And slowly watch reality take you
As you turn and run
Or I could leave these silent whispers
To be swept away by a wandering wind
Confirm my chains to silence
And walk away
Author notes
Ok. This is my venting day - after a hyperly happy day I have a day where I vent. This is it. As a result there will probably be quite a bit of crap poetry from me. Which (once i get hyper again)will all be taken off (i promise). The good thing about days like this is you can be certain that pretty much everything I write is personal. This piece is - and for the record: I do choose to walk away. So please comment. COMPETITION: Option 1
Written May 16th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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To me this poem is about someone who does not love themself enough and in consequence is unable to love and trust others. Your repetition of the word whisper increases the tension of the poem as does the use of short lines.
You have created a wonderful image in the second last line. Being chained to silence. To me the desolation and yet the determination of the last line comes across quite strongly.
Confirm my chains to silence
And walk away
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oops! typo - definitely supposed to be wandering! Thanks for letting me know and your comment.
Coral -
I liked this one too Coral.. (can't honestly think of one of your writes that i actually havent enjoyed... hmmm) but i dont like the background. And you know me, im a background Nazi! It makes it difficult to read the writing.
But top job!
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Did you mean to say wondering wind or did you really mean wandering wind? Either way, I thought this was really really good.
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Damn this was really fantastic. The imagery was beyond perfection. And the words flowed evenly as well. Writing always helps me vent unwanted emotions I'm glad I'm not the only one who does so. Great write!
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Have a fantastic day
I agree that it is important to vent every once and awhile, to bring all your demons out into the open, confront them and then move on. You wrote this poem exceedingly well and I can so relate. It is better to vent, then to hold things inside yourself, where they fester and grow. Very well expressed and good for you!!!
Thank you also so much for your comment on my poem Nature's Wisdom vs Man's Ignorance and I agree whole heartedly with what you say. -
I thoguth your poem was amazing. it really told a story about how you feel about your hidden truth. we all have secrets and i think we can relate to this poem. great write...keep it up. This one really grabbed my attention. I feel the same way many times and I hid but somethings we need to get out to feel better.
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I loved this poem it has the whole feeling of a secret yet its telling you what it is, nothing I have read before was like this, I really liked it!!!!
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Great poem. I loved how you repeated in a whisper...I find that has a really good effect. Good luck in the contest and great write!
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Great job. You are write it is easier to hide.
I have built some pretty big walls to hide
behind just so others can't know the hurt
and pain I feel.
Venting is a good way to get it out, I have
written about my bad times and it helps.
You expressed yourself very well.
Thank you for sharing.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Jeannie D
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Wow...deep! I liked it alot...whispers??
Well thought out!
~Merber~ -
I know how this feels; sometimes its too much to show people what you are really like, and much easier to walk away. Good job!
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wow if you don't win a trophy I'll slit someone's throat while they sleep! This was stunning hun. I'm promoting it since i'm the first to read it hahaha!
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