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Nunassured (response)

Could I have forgotten everything?
That I am yours and even more so,
that you are mine?
What else could there be?

You shine not as a swindling sun,
but as a chasm of everything that is vision.
Day or night.

Of course you daunt my sparks combustible,
how could you not?

Oh, could it be this that says
that there was a their there?

This is just silly.
There is no forgetting something,
something that is everything.

Author notes

Response: allpoetry.com/poem/2015703
Written May 26th, 2006

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Hatstand
    November 2, 2006
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    To be fair, the amount of times I've gone back to a poem with a clear mind and thought 'what was I talking about?' is really beyond count. The trick is to be able to find a word which expresses your ideas, but is also lasting...it's not easy.

  • Tainted Pure
    November 1, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the reply and critique.

    At this point I'm looking at the poem wondering why the word Chasm is there myself. Now, it may be that in May it had it's place which is why it's there (since I rarely write a word that would be out of place to what I'm thinking, I'm notorious for looking up things if I'm uncertain). However, it may be a mistake as well that could have been set forth by the words "that is vision".. However, it is staying but that's only because it is so far in history which I don't feel like altering.

    Thanks again though, it's not often I get a handsome ditty like you wrote. Short, but handsome none the less.
    Edited on Nov 01, 11:15 p.m. because ''.

  • Hatstand
    November 1, 2006
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    I'm not sure that 'chasm' is the word you're looking for - do chasms shine? And chasms are generally not easy to see into, so a 'chasm of everything that is vision' seems sort of self-contradictory. Good poem though.
  • GoldIWonder
    July 15, 2006
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    I really liked the use of words here. It's not often I run across a poem that isn't focused on depicting a certain kind of image using the typical words heard in poems. I like the way you ask questions and give responses.. like a person talking to himself in the mirror.. or something personal. It's really nice.

  • The.Stars.Go.Blue
    June 22, 2006
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    Wonderful poem here. You expressed your thoughts so eloquently, and brought upon a new meaning to love. I love this work, it shall be bookmarked because I said so.

  • Kylia Skydancer
    May 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    *hugs him cause she wants to*

1 - 6 of 6