Hazy mist, of sweat and blood,
A battle fought far too long,
Stalking and preying, all my will spent,
If this is to be the night, let it.
A night to kill, not the enemy,
But a friend, lost in love.
Sworn allegiance to the King,
Kept me sane till this day, oh yes.
The battle has been won today,
The Kingdom, The King, my allegiance,
I can forget for the night,
Personal errands demand it, you see.
My sheathed sword, tucked safely,
I flew towards the liar, my friend,
He said he didn't love her,
He said he wished good for me, did he?
Entwined in a rapt embrace, I saw them,
His skin burning her flesh deep,
Her eyes stealing the glory of the stars,
So beautiful, undiminished by his presence, truly.
At his door, unsheathing my sword,
Moonlight glinting off the blade,
Moonlight? There were no windows here,
Where from comes the moonlight? Strange.
A slit in the wall, streams through
The moonlight, and voices.
Voices? Whispers... Somebody unwelcome.
More blood to be spilt perhaps? Inevitable.
Grabbing the seemingly innocent ring on the wall,
With all my strength, I pull it and out they fall,
Hordes of them, filthy enemies, lesson unlearnt,
Death to them, I shall deliver. Should I?
Let my allegiance rest today didn't I?
The others can fight this battle,
For there remains my errand,
My friend already out, in the battle. His death?
Twisting the sword arm of an enemy,
Driving it towards my friend,
His throat I slit, spilt blood,
No one saw the swift motion. Bloodily blind.
Errand finished, my allegiance I restored,
Fought like a warrior blessed by the Gods,
For my life was alive again, my path lit,
Hordes of them enemy lay dead. And a friend too.
Author notes
suits option 1 & 3!
Written June 1st, 2006
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What the nominator thinks - Purity of emotion. An expression of having to do what is to be done. A very justifiable reason to let the demon in all of us take over.
Congratulations! This poem was nominated as one of the two best poems on this site for a favourites comp run by D P Robertson. You were nominated by bubbasamuel
What I thought - This story is nicely told. Perhaps wasted in poetry form as it is a good basis for something more substantial as it could easily be developed to a short story or even a chapter of a longer book. What I would say that if it were looked at closely there are many wasted opportunity with not using “the” or “a” for an adjective that will better colour this work that is already well put together. Its very melodramatic but I would much prefer that than something so beige as to be invisible. Good work.
David
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Bubba!
I never, never, never, neverrrr expected you to read my stuff so soon
and comment on this piece so soon
and award me that much coveted 'Bubba Samuel Special' praise so soon!
Oh My God! You should've seen those expressions on my face as I read through your comment.. Aaaaaaaargh! I have to tell you .. At that point where you called 'him' a honourless SOB ... I was smilin upto my ears.. In purrrrrre glee! ah...it is such bliss when somebody you've just met shares your emotion! You rock man!
And for a person who so selflessly spends his time to encourage fellow poets by asking them "Bubba Samuel Special" Questions .. I bow my head.. Offer you my sword.. And answer your questions..
I don remember anything that happened to me before I was 4 years old.. so I might just be from middle earth..
And Boromir lost his sanity falling prey to the Ring.. This girl might do to me what the ring did to Boromir..If she does..then I'll call myself Boromir ( with due credits to you my friend!)
YEAH! He's a Wimp.. well actually.. from this day onwards I'll nod my head to everything you say.. You rock!
A sword can get you those bookings for your kids.. don u worry!
Mech. Engg.. is a decoy..don tell anybody!
Edgar Allen Poe? My head is spinning.. I'm seeing images I've never seen before........ *falls unconscious*
*wakes up again and continues answering *
no injections! Hatred fuels such pieces of work!
And yeah... kinda true story.. I'll tell ya abt it sometime.. If there is Happy Ending to the story...
And no can't teach you the techniques.. but since you're so special.. I'll talk to Gandalf, Aragorn, and Boromir's Spirit and let you know..
Whoa! That was fun! Thanks again for the encouragement dude! You just dono how much confidence you've just given me.. If I ever publish a book I swear I'll dedicate it to you! You're the best Bubba
Edited on Jul 10, 5:13 because 'bad spelling!'. -
i love this slayer man! i truly, madly, deeply do. the pure wrath., the justified hatred and the strict adherance to duty. you have just won your coveted praise with this one. very good write, its a beautiful write. its a feeling that every guy has been through at one point of his life. to have taken that hatred that stems from pain of betrayel by a friend and spread them out on a page with the choicest of words is truely a gift. you have really done it with this piece slayer. you should be knighted for this one. really great job here, you cant imagine the images that jumped to life as i read this. especially the part where his skin burnt into hers and the part where you took advantage of a battle to strike down this honourless SOB and carreied on without guilt. i love it.
ok i got 'Qs' for you too.
where are you from....middle earth?
is your real name boromir?
you agree with me when i say frodo was a wimp right?
Will your school allow advance admission bookings for my kids i will have in future?
mechanical engineering is just a decoy right?
how does it feel to be edgar allen poes reborn avatar...do you remember anything from your past life?
and whats that injection you take every once a day for. its some kinda steroids for the brain right?
this is a true story but the ending is fabricated right?
can you tech me how to swing a schimitar?
ok i'd better stop here.
loved this poem really very much. please put it in a contest and do try to get this published. it's worth every bit.
lotsa luv
bubba
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Yep, I'm a nut in a nutshell!
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Intense! In a nut shell huh? Way to go! Awesome comment! Thank you!
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Intense! What a battle going on in his mind. Good job!
Kimberly G.
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Sue! A comment like no other! Thanks a lot Sis!
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I bow down to your brilliance once again!! wonderful write man.. such awesome imagery...! loved the mix of emotions.. the admiration for her beauty, yet the hate and all the confusion (moonlight?..) Brilliant!...
I loved the last line... thats what we call a killer ending! (no pun intended!)...
Dude you rock..!
Keep the art alive with your words boi...!
lotsa ♥ and luck.. Sue! -
Kawaii-Okashi....Thanks a lottt for the awesome comment! Like a crazy horror dream.... Cool! Thanks again!
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well written
Wow - violence. I can picture it clearly, like a crazy horror dream or something. but still very nice, i loved your choice of words and how the narrator is constantly questioning himself. great write
`*kawaii-okashi -
Be-Gentle...Thanks a lottt for the awesome comment... Thanks again!
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this was a terrific read..it was like i was seeing a short film in my mind it traps the attention of the reader..well done
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Luke Williams! Whoa! Thanks for the comment! "Best Write that I have read today." I couldn't ask for more! Thanks again! And btw I'm a big fan of Greenday too! Thanks again!
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you rock
Awesome. This is the best write I have read today. I love the dark feeling that pours forth from the page. I hope to read more of your stuff very soon. Kepp doing what your doing. You Rock...\nn/.
Luke Williams -
gullionmar...thanks a lot for the comment... short as it is its really encouraging!
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very well done keep up the great writing
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Wraithe! thanks a ton for the list of smileys on your page! Awesome! I needed something like that! And thanks again for the comment... Feels great when I see sucha comprehensive comment detailing everything that you liked about my work... Awesome! Thanks again!
Edited on Jun 02, 4:12 p.m. because 'spelling'. -
Wow, such vivid detail and raw emotion in this are evident! As a story, it is an excellent read, and possesses a faint overall moralistic tone that makes it a gorgeous feast for the eyes and thoughts! Your visuals are simply the most graphic and even a little gritty and gory, but that is a good thing because of your subject! I like the little addition of the And a friend, too." at the end of your poem, because it works so well here. You even give this a little uncertainty and awkwardness for your main character, so we can tell he's a very good, interesting person who merely lost control, as it were, although not without reason.
Keep up the good work.
~Wraithe~
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Vanessa.. Thanks a ton for the comment!
Fuck life, before life fucks you.
I loved that line! -
amazing
that was really deep, you made it great with all the details, i enjoyed it very much!
♥Vanessa -
dun dun duuunnnnn.!!!!!!! damn boi i love it so far!.... can't wait for the rest...! so hurry back n astound me with your brilliance!!!!! heheh!
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