...excruciating hurt
you've caused
like a dagger
plunged to my heart
bloodstained,
in pain
and
in every drop
the bleeding
doesn't stop...
...the bleeding will never stop
Anna Lee
Author notes
sorry not yet finish...
just in a hurry
i will come back and finish this
as soon as i have time
if i change my mind
i might change this to an add line
any suggestions?
Written June 7th, 2006
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Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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and no, it doesn't feel like it will ever stop, but fortunately, it does stop eventually...or usually.
The title is apt.
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wow, you know this is the first time i have heard a poem about this subject taken in this way, keep it flowing
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maybe try
excruciating...
the hurt youve caused
like a dagger
to my heart
the rest i really enjoyed!!!! -
The simile you have started this poem with is almost too cliche'd for me to get past, I would start there in the rewrite.
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well for what its worth they said itwas not yet finished, Adn what is here is a good start. By all means please do finish this would be an exceptional write completed. You have great detai forming. Lets get the finished product aof agreat piece.
Sincerely
Vsutton\
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This is very short. I don't know. I like the imagery and the emotion. But still, not enough for me to really get into this. Sorry.
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While I am a big fan of short poetry, i did not find this particular piece satisfied my desire to read somthing worth reading. It has a goo didea, just make that idea come out more in the words that you choose.
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Who says: short poems are what most people look for? I own and edit a poetry magazine (paper and print - not a website!), and our readers have made it clear that what they want is something substantial... not poemlets and micropoems! Apart from triolets and limericks (which are good strong classic forms with a respectable artistic pedigree!), we hardly ever take anything under 10 lines...
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Yeap, short but sweet seems appropriate here. Maybe you don't need to do much more. If it feels unfinished maybe just add even one more line. But, as is, its strong enough to stand on its own. Good work. Keep it up!
Demonic Mistress xxx -
F*ing A
this is good either way. even if u end it now. it's short yeah, but most of the time, short poems are what people look for. i think it's brilliant. keep up the good work, i'll be sure comment on more of your work soon.
much luck,
vex -
Mari...I so miss you...
thank you for the wonderful comment...
i don't know how to finish...i guess you have read my thoughts...those are the only words i could express what i feel about that write...
i am just doing okay
i just felt lonely that time and suddenly i am writing it.
thank you so much...
i am trying to come back on the site
and I never thought this write could be prophetic [edit] -
I don't know, sometimes it's good to let things unfinished, however I don't see it as unfinished. The emotions are there. How more can be added to show hurt? I clearly see the pain that love can cause, sadness and (maybe) betrayal. I surely hope that this isn't a personal poem, not your real and present feelings.
Hope all is ok with you my sweet friend
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The lines "in pain and in every drop" don't really complete a thought. But this work has a great potential. An add line would be interesting for it. I would be curious to see what people could add to it. But that often depends on if you had something specific you wanted to say with it.
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There's no end. It needs an end.
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