Sarah...
Why do you close your heart to me?
Don't you know that I still see
Blood on skinned knee...
Read bedtime books
You hone your looks
To sharpen hooks...
I know the things that you could catch...
You are craving pretty things
See you flapping growing wings
Hear the siren as she sings
I know in time you must go your way
There is time to play
Prepare for that day...
I can help you if you trust me...
Laid down my life for you...
Its hard to see what is true
Don't always say what they do...
Listen to your friends
Will they make amends?
Silk persuasion bends...
I've seen what messy eaters the wolves are...
Author notes
Option 10
allpoetry.com/Contest/2049644
This is the contest where I write from a picture of a young girl, and attempt to capture the heart of her mother...
Written June 8th, 2006
A contest entry
- Picture contest lots of options by Mingan Betzalel.
425 points, ended April 17, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Thank you for your entry and good luck in my contest.
~Corey~ -
Good poem, we all worry for our kids, and the big bad world they must step into, found the text a bit hard to read, but that could just be my laptop!
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Gee, you have a dirty mind. The link to the contest is clearly posted; It defined the parameters that required me to guess(!) what goes on in a mother's mind, based on 4 pictures of the girl, who looks to be 14.
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This is a frightening poem. There seems to be a subtextual relationship here that indicates an unhealthy fascination with under age femail subjects. The repressed desire for control in this piece seems to indicate an undue preoccupation with repressed incestuous urges. It would seem to me safest to seek medical advice. v
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I loved they way this flowed, it immediately pulled me into the writer made me see sarah. keep up the great writes!!!
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Touching
This is a lovely and touching write. To me, it reads as a Father speaking to his much adored daughter. In fact, it brought back memories of my own life. Very, very well written. Your poetry based on inspiration from the photos is wonderful. Blessings! Tammy -
clicked because it's my name. This has some of my character flaws painted into it, makes me a bit sad.
Didn't really 'catch' the rhythm of it, though. The rhyming didn't sit super well with me.
I like the words you choose...they are less usual, more interesting. Nice work. Thanks for sharing. -
Great job, I remember going through all these feelings and more with my own daughter, thanks for sharing this lovely piece!
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This was a beautiful poem, shelter is often a blindfold from the preperation, In Life we must learn to stand, and we must learn depend on what is right even amongst the wolves, we must experience and prepare ourselves for the will of the Lord. Shelter from the wolves will hinder preperation for when the wolves break the shelter.
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very very awesome. the only suggestion i have for this piece was maybe to limit your use of ellipses, just because in my personal opinion i thought that maybe you used a little too much, but that's just me. nonetheless, great piece. you used some very strong devices and description. this was written very cleverly and vividly. beautifully done.
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well written very well done good write
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I loved this. I know how you felt, it's just beautiful
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Very poignant. Strong imagery, but I didn't make the connections until I read your comments.
Thanks,
Anne -
This piece was so beautifuk! I mean, the word manipulation was excellent. You have truly proven your points. I also loved the rhyming scheme and flow. It is funny how much a contest can inspire. I feel terrible having a lot of my poems as contest poems, but they are inspired by the contests. Keep up the great work and thanks for sharing!
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this is a most interesting write here. I do like the background images in this one.
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This is so beautiful and sweet. People need to spread their wings. If they fly back, you know it was meant to be. I really loved how this poem flowed.
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very meaningful write
i really enjoyed reading
and hope to find the time to read more of your works
really a job well done on this
great job
keep penning away
byes for now
~*~ Beth ~*~ -
great
parenting is heartbreaking work, but well worth our efforts. this great write tells how many of us feel. -
'sarah' was a bob dylan song.
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both parents captured in this snapshot I think
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sarah means princess... She looked like a sarah to me. jackals is better; but fewer souls in the audience will appreciate the subtle ways
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excellent
Kudos!!! This rocks solid. A mother does watch her children outgrow her little by little. You conveyed that very well.
You have some beautiful imagery in here and some poetic devices I really like. "Listen to your friends
Will they make amends?
Silk persuasion bends...
I've seen what messy eaters the wolves are..." These lines are just plain art. Your ending is killer. I felt that way about my children going out into the world, like feeding them to jackals. But never wolves - they are loving creatures. I really like this very much, thanks for sharing with me. hugs WolfHeart
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Your poem reflects exactly what you wished and very well. You went through this as a father I would think. Your insight is too real to not be from experience.
I win seldom also. There are so many good writers and clicks on AP. Not to worry. I write for me.
Your friend,
Jim -
Unfortunately for us parents it is extremely difficult to let them go and find their own way and make their mistakes......it is like we are making them or something......or at least it feels like that for me........this is a nice write with an upbeat tone to it.......thank you for entering and best of luck in the contest..........
Leance
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"Listen to your friends Will they make amends? Silk persuasion bends..." Very good, Ben~jammin...I could see this as a lyric, easily...In fact, it made me think of "Sara", by Stevie Nicks...Ahhh, Scribe...I know you just wanna protect 'em all...but ya gotta let 'em try their wings, too, or they'll never learn to fly on their own...Let 'em find the thermals of their Destiny...they know where the nest of Wisdom ~ & the Soul of security ~ is...Beautiful sentiments from the Heart of a loving, kind man...well done, my Friend...Good luck in the contest, Ben... Wanda
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