Like swollen rivers, life admits no house
To tame its nature, brush its rougher hours:
A home is always different though, you see,
It’s doorless like the oars your voice is. Rune
Illiterate who has divined my part
Of timeless fate, there’s safety in your voice:
No walls, no windows and no limits there –
One can’t break in a sanctuary where
Free entrance is assured. The stutter of
A cliff are you, with softest warmth. You’ve picked
Me up from waters where one can be no
Such thing as boat, and since my home is this,
Resisting wind’s temptations, roots and wings,
Just standing strong with trust, I now need thank
This smooth Othala that’s tattooed against
Your soul for it’s resumed my life. Again.
Author notes
Othala: (O: Ancestral property.) Inherited property or possessions, a house, a home. What is truly important to one. Group order, group prosperity. Land of birth, spiritual heritage, experience and fundamental values. Aid in spiritual and physical journeys. Source of safety, increase and abundance. Othala Reversed or Merkstave: Lack of customary order, totalitarianism, slavery, poverty, homelessness. Bad karma, prejudice, clannishness, provincialism. What a man is bound to.
To my friend, Sean. Thank you for making room for a home on the swollen river my life is.
Written June 14th, 2006
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Comments
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This was a great write and it was exactly the type of stuff i am looking for. Good luck in my contest and keep up the good work.
Lindsay
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Thank you very much for your comment.
~Diana -
Im with Frog I knew there was a deep meaning held within,
your author comment paved the way for a very touching unique write of being thankful..
Warm thoughts
Frozentearz -
I must admit that I had to read it three times and I still didn't really "get" it until I read your authors comments... then the bell rang and the light came on! Once I realized what you were thankful for, it all made perfect sense. This is very thought provoking, original and very well penned! Thanks for entering and best wishes!
Frog~ -
Hehe, I won't tell. Actually, I didn't know about it until writing this either
Thanks a lot for the comment.
~Diana -
Thanks so much for the author's comment. (Don't tell anyone, but I had no idea what Othala was
) Even without knowing the word's meaning, it's a fantastic read. I especially loved the line
"One can’t break in a sanctuary where
Free entrance is assured."
Just loved it. -
Thank you.
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A beautiful well written poem, it's always and will always be a pleasure to read a talented poets words, keep it up,
Romanee -
Thanks for the comment. Guess I can... I mean it's a rule right?
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such a beautiful poem! i love how the whole thing revolves aroudn Othala.
I love the last two lines...about Othala tattooed against the soul...wonderful.
thank you for entering!
--molly
P.S. could you please put "mother monkey brick" in your author's comment box? thanks. -
Thank you for the comment, I'm glad you enjoyed this.
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Two thumbs up
this is intense... I think I'll have to read it again to grasp it. I will because I enjoyed its uniqueness and detail.
And thanks for the authors comment..it helped.
Be well..
~Creatress ♥ -
im pretty much speechless, great peice
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Thank you for the comment and applause, I appreciate your feedback.
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It was my specila pleasure to read your verses again. I can see you grown as a poet, becoming mature in your vision and building your poetry each and every day better and better. thank you for kind explanation in your Author's comment box. A lot of very precious details. Great done.
~Sonja~ -
Thank you for your comment, your words make me feel the message was understood pretty well
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WELL DONE!!!
umm...wonderful...excellent...great use of words....nicely written...remarkable fluency...cheers...love....shuvi -
your metaphors are excellent....they make the reader think upon first read and then read once again to get most of the meaning of it. It strikes me as a write of gratitude to someone who saved you from drowning and taught you how to swim ( either alone or besided them) metaphorically of course also. Excellent write from a true poetic soul
reenie
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It is excellent..Use of metaphors is brilliant, flow is good and each line arouse interest to read the other one.
usually, thanksgiving poems become so tiredsome because of their nature of personal praising that they lose the charm and fineness but this piece from you, nt from the is different from the rest with some well thought of lines metaphors.
Loved it. -
Thanks for your comment, Matty.
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To be completely honest, I don't totally understand what it means, but I was totally captivated by the word arrangements and the way you presented the whole piece.
-Matty -
I loved the use of words ... it was very magical and descriptive. Reading your author's comments box a few times - this poem is very different and unique and a very different idea of home... I think you did a great job, and I also might add that I like your style of writing it out layout-wise. Good luck in the contest
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Thank you.
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This poem is great--like all out awesome! I love your useage of words. Awesome write. Many blessings, and thanks for entering
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thanks diana - for your answer. i'm still not sure what "like the oars your voice is" means. is it possible that you could educate me about that image? i can't make sense of it.
i wait for your wisdom,
myron. -
it was very stronge usage of words, good job, you confused me.
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Thank you for the comment, myron. I'm glad you liked it.
Well to answer your question... a house needs to have doors, a home doesn't. Some things can just bring you that safety.. they don't need limitations.. I'm talking about safety which is much more than buildings. now I just hope nobody else reads my comment
diana -
i enjoyed reading this with its focus on the house as a home and its varied imagery.
some of the lines puzzled me a little, but after thinking harder on them they began to make sense to me. i love the way you have used language in this compact and heart-warming poem.
after reading this a few times, i still remained puzzled at one of your images. what does this mean:
It’s doorless like the oars your voice is.
this poem is a lovely thank you to the friend who helped you.
all the best,
myron.
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Delivered like a true poetess. Duuhh! You're a poetess obviously. What i really like in your poem is that it's really just full of metaphors. For some i can not even identify them. Your poem also has the material of fantasy novel. I don't know why but it was like reading my favorite books, which are fantasy books. Great poem!!!
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it was abstract and I didnt really understand it but I see it is a thank you to a friend and thats really cool. Im sure it was very appreciated
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like the tarot the runes seem to know what they are talking about extreamly nice poem keep doing well
love the papa -
Such a powerfully done piece! You've got a great ban of metphors flowing here and it does have a wonderful message in the piece itself. I personally would not alter this, it flows well and speaks volumes. A true gem of a read! Bravo!
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Great write. Very
deep and profound.
Just a question
about one part:
It’s doorless like the oars your voice is
Not clear on that one.
But well written.
Thanks for sharing.
Jeannie D Hunter
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I like this. It's just the right length for one thing. You didn't drag out your points and it was just a good read.
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wow this was a really great piece. It did sound like a tribute to some place or home. And as a Dark Sanctuary i thought this was really neat.
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Thanks a lot for the comment, Guilty. Much appreciated.
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Thanks for your comment, chocolate.
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Wow hun! you ramble on just as I do! lol...
This is a beautiful poem! I love abstract, and as far as it being a love poem, It kinda has that flare, but not in an overly "i want to have babies with you" sort of way.. lol... I hope that makes sense... it's more of a reverent love... which in itself is amazingly beautiful... but that is my opinion, that is my interpretation...
I love the research that you must have done on this, Well I assume you did oin this... not many people know much about Runes and such anymore... I believe you are right, the second syllable of Othala is stressed
//One can’t break in a sanctuary where
Free entrance is assured....//
I absolutely love how you worded this... it is soo beautiful to me, and so incredibly true...
// ...................You’ve picked
Me up from waters where one can be no
Such thing as boat, and since my home is this,
Resisting wind’s temptations, roots and wings,
Just standing strong with trust, I now need thank
This smooth Othala that’s tattooed against
Your soul for it’s resumed my life. Again.//
This is my favorite part of the entire poem... it is so vey nicely wrapped up here... this is also where I get that feeling of a reverent type of love... I like it though... and whoever it is that you wrote it for.... I'm sure they'd love it too... it is sooo beautiful!
Superb job! well done! keep up the amazing posts!
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Wow! What an intriguing piece this is! I like it! And yeah, I think that it's a little abstract. But I don't think that's a bad thing either. It is supposed to be poetry so it's not supposed to be so straight forward. Though with out some of your author notes I probably wouldn't have gotten it all but I certainly understood the major point of your message of issues of securities and needs. The biggest one of you needed a secure place to be part of the group, came across just fine. So thanx for featuring this so that we all had a chance to share your words and feelings with you.
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Thanks, Tested. I really meant the "no such thing as boat part", but you are right about the other one. I'll see what I can do. Thanks for the suggestions.
~Diana. -
Thanks for the comment, Serenahind.
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This is a better version, in my opinion. I think the iambic pentameter is a nice choice. My only suggestion is to make sure the meter doesn't own the poem. There are a few lines where it seems like the words were chosen only to fit the meter. "No such thing as boat" or "with your soft warmth" for example. The accented words are "thing" and "your" but they aren't the operative words, or didn't seem to me to be the operative words. Maybe try something like "with softest warmth."
Generally, if you can say the same thing in less words that's probably the best choice.
But yeah, I think you took this that much closer to where you wanted to go. I'd say you just have some minor detail work left. Congrats! -
It sounds like a tribute to a place. I place you love dearly and yes, it does sound a little like a love poem. In this part here:Me "up from waters where one can be no
Such thing as boat, and since my home is this,"
Resisting wind’s temptations, roots and wings, it sounds off. See with the first line where no ends, it sounds cut off. Actually the first and second line at the end sound cut off. It disrupts the flow.
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