Dear Aunty Glenda,
I know you chose to take your life, because you couldn't bear the pain. And I hope you know that I don't blame you. No one will know what you went through. How many times you were in hospital, how many times you would have preferred death to feeling the effects of Crohns disease. Why couldn't they have found it earlier?! They were just too late, too late to save you. And it was only a matter of time.
Today I learnt that when you were in hospital, every time they put a drip in you, it wasn't into your arm, it wasn't into your hand, it was into your heart. And every time the doctor would say, "Now don't breath because that would kill you." You knew exactly where to point that gun, exactly where it would be instantanious.
And even though I can understand why you wanted to be rid of all the pain, I still wish you would have hung on a bit longer so I could have met you. And I know thats a selfish thing to say.
Do you know what the funniest thing is, I feel like I know you. Like you only left me not long ago but yet, I can feel you. My pop Stan, I never met, and, I know this will sound harsh, but I can't feel him like I do you. I don't know... It just hurts to know that you had to go to those lengths to find peace. My Mum told me that you knew that if you kept 'fighting' the disease you would only ever be in the hospital, and the pain would increase.
I looked at my Mum's wedding photos and I could see by your face that you were in pain, but you still looked so beautiful! You still amazed me. Yours acheivements in anything and everything. Mostly horse-riding and even modelling!
I hope to one day grow up like you. You had so many accomplishments and you were so gorgeous. And ever though I never met you, I can feel you, and I always will.
I love you.
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You were such a beautiful women
So talented and so so strong
But you started to weaken
And after not too long
You chose to take your life
The disease was just too much
If only I'd have met you
If I'd have felt your touch
We may have not known each other
But I can still feel you with me
And now I have learned the truth
I now must try to set you free
My Mum keeps the memories alive
So forever you'll be in my heart
I'm safe and sound, and wish I had of known you
But I love you, and we will never part
Author notes
Well this is pretty obvious what its about. And I know its ancient history, but I only found out today that she had pointed a gun at her own heart and killed herself. And for the pain to have made her go to those lengths just breaks my heart. My Mum misses her so much. It's like I can feel her watching me or something. And my Mum thinks she would be so proud of me, and for her to say that makes me so happy. Anyways, I wish I had of met her, but she is still with us, and I will always love her.
Written June 17th, 2006
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Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wow, this is powerful - I wish I'd have read it earlier. It's very sad and indeed made me ponder about life, death and pain. I hope you're ok.
-Moni -
Brief but to the point.
Emma, Brilliant poetry again and a tragic but wonderfully painted picture of another tragic episode in your life. You still owe me a bright and happy poem for you promised that although you still nejoy th emacabre and dark you are still basically happy. -
this is so sad but u did great on this
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wow this is awesome hun, sorry 2 hear keep smiling and writing
stace -
*hugs* truly amazing....
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100% love
Emma, wow, this is seriously one of the best memorial poems I have read. The pure tallent you showed, the beauty of this piece in loving memory of this great lady - well my eyes are watering. If she, in spirit, is half of how proud I am of you writing this top top knotch piece then she would be still overwhelmed and deeply moved. I am sure she is more proud than I ever could be.
Wanting to meet someone so special and so beautifully strong once crossed over is only natural, and if it be selfish then it is all for the right reasons my friend. You are only human - and a great person who feels this only from good nature.
I'm sure, if you write this beautifully and moving, you could write a memoir so deserving of your Aunt. If you desire so though. Thats only my two cents, as a friend. I feel this is such an amazing piece Emma; I am speachless now.
- Zoe
Edited on Jun 18 because ''. -
This is so sad Im sorry. Aimees right though in a way its got its own beauty. Wonderful work.
cya!!
love nat -
This is amazing. Im so tired... Ill talk to you about it later. Its very sad... but beautiful in way i cant explain.
Love you.
xxxx
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