Breach the hills of the florescent jungle
Created by the masters of the night
Cape the glittering eyes of the demons
That invade the decaying earth
We draw on the inspiration
Of the destruction of created chaos
That gives function to the disease
Invading the open flesh of the young
Seething through the masses
It crawls inside the minds’ cobweb protection
Unyielding in its poisonous molding
It awakens the forbidden refuge
Falter at the touch of the familiar evil
As it digs its claws into your throat
And breathes life into the created offspring
Opening your mind into a world unseen
Through the resurrected blood you spilled
Past the empty tombs of those around you
A reflection freezes your soulless eyes
And it screams
“One day you will dig my grave”
Author notes
One of my favorite songs is 'Forsaken' - by KoRn
Wrote this with the song blaring 
Hope it's okay.
Written June 25th, 2006
A contest entry
- Round 1 of 5 : Your Best Piece by Kei-Aira.
300 points, ended September 30, 2006, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This is a lovely piece. It has the dark aspect, but also reads well, which a lot of 'dark' writers can't seem to do. You use some well-thought out images, and not many of the images are cliched - most are original and thus enjoyable to read.
Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck.
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Thankyou for your comment. This song is well on it's way to being my favorite - it's dark and haunting and just plain awesome
I didn't know whether this was good or not because, like I said, I had the music blaring and wasn't really paying attention to what was coming out. So it's great that I've gotten so many positive comments!
Thanks again,
Coral -
Ah-ha ...
Just when I started to lose faith in dark writing!
Ooh, very, very good ...
I much appreciate this write, you know.
(Thank you for including what song it was.
I will have to agree with all the above comments
exspecially the dirty river one ^^^ from hollowandconfused ^^^. This is very true. I won't repeat the other sentiments (unique, imaginative, flow, etc. you and I both know it, even if they are shared sentiments).
You've got the kind of style I like. I mean for word choice (dark ... heh ... I like dark ). It is obvious that while you were writing it you were inspired.
In other words, I loved this.
I shall have to return, read it again.
I just woke up, you see.
-Thank You.- -
thanks for letting me know...changed now
Coral
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WOW! This is great! It has this dark flow-y-ness (sorry, couldn't find the right word...) that feels like I am in a kind of dirty river being carried by the currant....Very good!
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Very dark and imaginative
write. Very original and
creative use of words. It
flowed very well.
Great writing.
Thank you for sharing.
I wish you the best of
luck in the contest.
Jeannie D Hunter
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for a dark piece, it is actually pretty good. and i don't read or write dark pieces.
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Wow....Just, wow. This was really good. and I am applauding this, why? Because, like I said, it was gooooood. ^.^ Keep it up.
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awesome!
excellent piece...has origanlity and the poem is dark! words are powerful and the poem has flow! a total masterpiece !
keep it up and best of luck
preets
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breaths - breathes - it was flowing along so good there too until that one word stopped me, easy to change that though spill poetic ink and twist me, turn me into the wild lemony crazy shape of unfathomable love...
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excellent
a strong piece...and very well penned!
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