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Inner World

You were inside me last night
Like a snail enraptured by its new found shell,

Inside the quiet womb’s hall
Where vibrations shake, but never destroy.

You fit there like a docked sloop,
That never planned to sail away again.

I moaned for you,
For you to ram the dam and release the wall.

You were there with me last night,
In the fantasy room inside my head,

As under the patient moon I gasped,
Before my dream could end.

Author notes


Written March 26th, 2003

In a list

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Darmok silver member
    March 26, 2003
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    sensual...wett dreams

    I smiled, I laughed, I damn near blushed....

    very good....very sensual -Darmok

  • bonnie blue
    March 26, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    wow...the very brevity of this poem caught me a tiny bit off-guard, which turns out to be the best kind of surprise, that perfect wrap-up at the end, with your last two lines:

    'As under the patient moon I gasped,
    Before my dream could end.'

    you are such a fine writer, Sprite. i am reminded of that every time i read one of your works. thank you for being one of my own personal *mentors* (perhaps unintentional, but no less valid, lol

    *hugs*
    bonnie

  • wmike145
    March 26, 2003
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    Excellent

    This is very very good. It describes the events in a beautiful way (unlike many poems I have read here on this subject) reather than a vulgar way. The last two lines were definitely the best. Bravo!!

  • Dreamweaver silver member
    March 26, 2003
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent. Do Not Touch.

    Where do you go to my lovely,
    When you are alone in your bed
    What are the thoughts that surround you
    I want to look inside your head.
    Yes I do."
    ... I have now !
    Fantastic in its sensuality and eroticism but done with oh so much decorum.
    Written as only a true master of words could write.
    Wonderful penmanship, Sprite.
    Take every care, Dear Friend,
    Sammy.

  • March 26, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, Sprite.

    I moaned for you,
    For you to ram the dam and release the wall.


    And that is an amazing stanza..two lines all by itself, and I think it stole the poem for me..and it says adult, but this doesn't so much feel adult to me ..as it feels like a penetration of the mind... yah the suggestion is adult..but the meaning ...that feels different to me.
  • spunskydaze
    March 26, 2003
    Edit | Reply

    b

    ooooohhhhhhhh! very nice! i like your last 2 sentences. you gasped before your dream could end. i think if you a little more juicy detail to the middle this would be an a poem. really great!
1 - 6 of 6