the lites gos out
the flame flicers
you close your eyes in eternal slumber
Author notes
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Written July 10th, 2006
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Comments
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this would be a good start.. i think u need to fill it out a bit more. More emotions, other than actions. this has left me unsatistfied and a little dissapointed.
please please please try spell check -
i like writing stuf so its not finished wish realy anoys the teacher 2 its just the way my mind works i loos intrest and forget real qick but if u hav a sugestion id like it
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A good start to a poem
It doesn’t seem like this poem is finished yet. It seems like you stopped in mid-thought (or maybe you ran out of inspiration for this poem), which can leave readers unsatisfied and confused. It’s a good start for a poem but I think you should add more lines and elaborate on it. It seems like it was going to be a very creative poem. The title sounded so eye-catching. You have a few misspelled words in this poem. Nite should be night, lites should be lights, gos should be go, flicers is spelt as flickers. The poem, so far, sounds great but it really appears like it needs more details and words.
- Andi
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