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Morbid

Spare me this deception
Do not deny me the truth
Spare me the misconception
Do not poison my thoughts, No corruption
Allow me impunity from this wraith
Forge love from hearts or stone
Wring elation from minds so morose
Implore the demons, bring the death, bring the death
Morbid Angel, Plague incessant
Minds perplexed, A mirage of justice
The impassive face of the damned
Paralyzed, they cannot stand
Hearts of stone instigate
Not able to palpitate
The blood flows slowly
Shivering, Trembling, Draw it out of me
Staring straight ahead
A shiny new pool bled
Hiding what you are
Detest the unhealing scar
The world is full of pain, The world is but pain

Author notes


Written August 6th, 2006

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    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • somedayREnamed2v17
    September 20, 2006
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    good

    I love your use of parallelism along with abrupt, sharp words to capture the mood. "Wring...morose" is a remarkably meaningful line. When I read "Forge...stone" I imagined a potentially more effective wording by saying "Forge love of hearts from stone," which makes a cool reversal of the common phrase "hearts OF stone," but whatever you do, don't change your meaning. Oh, you may already be on this, but the colors make it tough to read...good choice of colors, though. I just had to highlight the text. Well done!
  • Dark Raspberry Fizz
    September 20, 2006
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    i love this poem it has such truth such passion behind it theres really noway to tell how good it is my good good work

  • rachelmagnolia
    August 7, 2006
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    I personally think the last line sounds better when it is quick. [in regard to the first pheonix's comment] But pheonix is right, good language and comparisons. I love the darkness of it as a whole. It has a clear message and yet has a really good description of the overall intensity of your topic. Awesome job
  • The Last Poet
    August 7, 2006
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    Well done.. some great language and comparisons througout this piece... the message you put through this poem is very clear. for critisism.. the ending line is to quick.. you might want a line that builds up for the ending.. that sets it up.. so it isn't just thrown in there like that... and other suggestion would be stanzas.. they might help the visual appearance of this poem.. though very well done.. great language.. so keep writing