What does the sun do?
the moon casts its shadow
at the dawn's breaking
the moon casts its shadow
at the dawn's breaking
what does the sun do?
Author notes
Revised before deadline
Written August 9th, 2006
A contest entry
- The Technique of the Riddle by azure85.
300 points, ended August 26, 2006, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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the moon casts its shadow
at the dawn's breaking
What does the sun do?
Hi kethry - thanks for working on this one. it's much better. (you don't need a capital letter in your third line.)
don't worry about the struggle, just try to enjoy it - we all struggle with haiku, no matter how long we write it. in haiku we tyry not to think - i usually just try to write down what i see and hear around me, although in this contrest there must be more thinkin g in order to come up wit a question/riddle.
hey, thanks for the generous compliment; do you live in Melbourne too? it's wonderful to see the haiku on the trains. have you attended any of the events at the Overload Poetry festival?
best wishes,
myron.
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Poetryality, thank you so much for your comment. I would never have thought of that but it improves the flow no end. You are right myron and azure are masters. I know this because Myron is running a ku contest for trams in Victoria (Aust) and the examples are wondrous. However I still struggle...I think my thought processes are too rigid.
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Just as we must do in life...the sun keeps moving foward. Your poem is thought-provoking and gives the reader a great visual image.
myron and azure85 are masters of this form. Simply take the first line and make it the last line, and you will have written the "riddle haiku" as required.
EXCELLENT
I wish you the best in this challenge.
Much Love & Many Blessings ♥
Renee
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What does the sun do?
while the moon casts its shadow
at the dawn's breaking
welcome to our contest. this is an interesting poem, so thanks for entering it. i like the question, but i'm not sure about the craft in your poem. i agree with susie's suggestion.
our contest does not need haiku to adhere to the old idea that a haiku must be 17 syllables in a 5.7.5 format. you can stick with that idea if you wish, but it's not necessary. what is necessary is that you follow the rules of the contest and i think your haiku breaks rule #2. you have a question mark at the end of the first line, but it doesn't really stop the flow of the language. so i hope you find the time to revise that, or at least to respond to my concern.
all the best,
myron.
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Wattle,
I'm so glad you stopped by. I am always thrilled when you comment. -
Katie,
thank you for your comment. -
Pollycheck, thank you for discerning the meaning in the riddle
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Susie,
I originally had the moon casts it's shadow but the syllable count is wrong. Maybe I could do - while the moon casts its shadow. That would give me a correct count...It's worth thinking about anyway. Thank you for your comment. -
Welcome Kethry to our haiku contest!
What does the sun do?
the moonlight casts its shadow
at the dawn's breaking
This is a very nice haiku, it is the eternal question of young children who are intriqued with their companion shadows!
My one suggestion would be in L2-does moonlight or the moon itself cast the shadow? Would this revision take away from you original meaning?
What does the sun do?
the moon casts its shadow
at the dawn's breaking
There will be more helpful comments following, wait until myron comments and others before deciding if you want to revise it or not.
I wish you good luck in the contest,
Susie
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A Kethry Haiku, I think this might be a first (for me). As always I'm impressed beyond words, ever has a winter feel. Thank you.
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This haiku brings up the question of where did our shadows go?? It is a question that every young child has asked and every parent has had trouble answering.
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Good write
Good write
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