why does the rain bow?
the sky is coloured grey
clouding the promise
why does the rain bend
beneath grey clouds?
the sky carries the weight
why does the light bend
dropped from clouds heavy with rain?
it colours the sky
Author notes
Revised 20/8/2006
Written August 11th, 2006
A contest entry
- The Technique of the Riddle by azure85.
300 points, ended August 26, 2006, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Myron, I think this confirms my belief that I couldn't write ku to save my life. I didn't mean the personification or the poetry so I guess my ku is ka-ka. I will give it one more try but I don't hold any hope of success.
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why does the rain bow?
the sky is coloured grey
clouding the promise
thanks for entering this enigmatic haiku into our contest. it is quite clever and works beautifully as an epigram.
i'm not convinced it works quite as well as a haiku. the clever wordplay in the first line seems to be using personification and that breaks our rule #4.
4- you must not use any poetic techniques, such as rhyme, metaphor, simile or personification
your final line is also quite poetic and metaphoric and that seems to break our rule #1:
1- the language must be plain and unpoetic
sometimes learning how to write a haiku is very frustrating, especially in a contest like this where the judge has to judge the poetry according to the rules of the contest, rathger to the guidelines of what constitutes a good poem.
i hope you can figure out a way to revise this, or to leave another entry.
i look forward to your response,
myron. -
this is very intersting..is is a true puzzle...for example...r u making the connection..to "rainbow"..and another.."promise"..and interesting word..when i think instead of "premises"..anyway..this is really fascinating..nice job
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This is very well written. I like it very much. I like the play on words that the sky is clouding the promise of the colorful rainbow. Great Job.
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very nice
Nice play on words and I love how it makes the reader think. -
I quite enjoyed this one. My only suggestion would be one of presentation. If you add half a dozen empty lines before and after the poem it gives it its own space on the page. That way it does not get cluttered in among the title and comments.
Well written.
John -
Very lovely and compatible to the haiku and the contest. A clever 'hook' makes it unique.
I wish you the best!
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I've been waiting for comments before entering mine- i didn't 'get it' until Susie's comment. what a nice work-out for the mind...now i can fully appreciate it. what a witty Haiku! to me, the word 'promise' holds many emotional associations so i'm not sure i would use it in a Haiku, since i understand it should be simple or uncomplicated, but that's just me - what do i know?
good luck!
rachel
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Welcome Kethry to our haiku contest:
You have a pretty nature haiku here.
why does the rain bow?
the sky is coloured grey
clouding the promise
I think this is very interesting, in L1 you have it as "rain bow" and you know it is rainbow. I think that is very slick.
Myron will leave comments later on, and I like this one just the way it is.
Thank you for a lovely entry, and good luck in the contest,
Susie -
Very nice. Good luck to you.
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