the broken strings
lie curled in the corner
and beautiful music
once golden
rings in rusting
blue notes
i miss the long curves
of her body
and the touch
of her sleek neck
her screams and moans
were my symphony
but live with contempt
in the struck chords
of a painful melody
the silence amplifies
as i pick through
wrinkled sheets
and songs of sorrow
the day...
her music died
Author notes
the devil wore a black dress
Written August 16th, 2006
In a list
A contest entry
- Guitars are the devil, or that's what we say. by The.Stars.Go.Blue.
350 points, ended August 19, 2006, 2 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Wow Richard.
I'm absolutely stunned. Your comparison, your contrast, your beautiful, amazing, jaw-dropping imagery that pulled me in, everything pulled together to make the most beautiful bittersweet symphony (woot for The Verve). You truly did an AMAZING job on this; this is definitely my favourite piece by you so far.
Good luck. -
um i liked it the only problem i have are the last five lines because for the first three your talking in present tense but for the last two its in past tense kinda confusing
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"i miss the long curves
of her body
and the touch
of her sleek neck"
Sighhh...Ahhh, Muddy...I knew you'd do justice to this contest, my wondrous Friend...Don McLean would be so proud to have those famous words included herein, Scribe...& he would weep with you, too...Grandeur is unveiled within every line, every sorrowed note you sing, Richard...Sensual & hauntingly beautiful, Sweetness...& she misses your touch, too...The devil may wear a black dress, as you said...but the memory of lost music wear a blue satin one...silky smooth...Incredible penning, Richard...Good luck in the contest...
Wanderer
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her screams and moans
were my symphony
but live with contempt
in the struck chords
of a painful melody
Amazing imagery here inded..awsome work here..
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wow, i can feel the emotion flowing from this poem, its descriptive and it makes me yearn to hear the melodies of your beautiful instrument.
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holy crap! I can see the music flowing I can hear the joys and pain I can reach out and touch it you are perfectly insain
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Awesome.
Wow. I thought this was really awesome (and I agree with cvillelisa, I tend to, as my boyfriend calls it, attack him when he's playing guitar...in a good way). Anyways, I loved the poem, I thought that you wrote it really well and I loved the words you used, and the placement. I thought it was all really good (and I loved how you used your last line...even if you did sort of kind of borrow from a song...).
Over all, I loved it a lot, metaphores were awesome, as everyone says above me.
~Epsilina Elizabeth Eshilon~ -
I love guitars and the people that play them are always attractive to me. It must be the shape plus being held by the hands so close against the body.
Good luck in the contest. Enjoyed.
Lisa
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Nice metaphores. =) I love my guitar as if it where my own child. =)
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This was awesome and the analogy was inspired. Music and love go hand in hand. I love the whole piece, but my favorite sentiment was, "her screams and moans... were my symphony." Great job here and keep it up.
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