Outside-
Murky skies pounded Manchester last night
slammed against the rattling window
in the lounge; (that wont shut, because a client broke it)
In the office, I closed the Hospitalised snot green curtains
(not apropos for methadone clients)
wind whistling round the cranes and high rise
developments close by
All this money, shooting up!
- high!
rise!
terrifically trendybendywendy doll houses
Inside-
They have a chickslick attitude to living Urban
- slowly suburban; till they get hawked or trashed by a peeler
and the tramps, downontheirheels, boozers, hipsters,
dealers, hustlers and feeders.
Office-
And the rain played all night long; till 4 am
the sky opened to blue and pink and purple tints
of Mardi Gras Weekend.
The shift shuffled to the end, curtains peeled back-to-back
living, here, there and in their heads,
new day, new mither, new luck of the detox draw
Author notes
prose style work/ramble piece...
heelppppppppp - i'm on night shifts
Written August 28th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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thank you Janet
I shall endeavour to be over at your side soon... and read some delicious lines
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thankie darling
and so should yours.. especially the growing pains ones- yes!! you should -
Darling NC
Such weeds have needs
savagely their roots feed
destroying beauty of roses
addicted in ugly repose.
Smoosh
Janet -
have i ever told you you should publish?
you should
elaine
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sounds like a plan...
I'm off to bed very soon... bloody tired here
have a fun day -
6.37am here, Gill. i woke an hour ago with some ideas for my poetry workshops at my local school, so i got up and write them down before they disappeared.
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prosaic seems to be the word of the moment on here.. seen it alot today
lolololol
thanks M
you're up in the wee small ones??
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Hi Gill. i like the images that are scattered thoughout this poem. it didn't read as if it were prosaic at all. this free-verse poem was full of well-observed details, providing a bit of light and shade in a mad addicted world.
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yeah Jan... it was just one of those nights, that I wanted to be at home- you know, the rain and cold in the lounge was quite irritating that night
life is crappy and funny at the same time... blehhhhh -
I often find your night shift musings produce some fascinating stream of consciousness thoughts. This one has a tic sort of feel running through it and hint of bitter and long night. Some clever wordyplays here as well.
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I like the unique means in which you have laid out the scene by the formatting. I know you referred to it as prose, but it does have very strong poetic undertones running throughout, and feels more poem than prose to me even by the lay-out. I do understand what satisifies you most in poem over what you might consider to be prose in this piece though.
You always allows the reader to see by the senses to what you are writing, and this one again is no different.
Jo -
I don't mean to mither you, but how about sending some of that nice english rain this way?
So the center is being buried by highrises, sort of like your customers huh...
These are gtreat poems gil, opens one eyes to things we don't usually come in contact with.
Do you like your job?
D -
Makes me think of work yesterday; rainy windows with a view to the mall..not quite an uplifting view.
Recently, I've been taking cabs to work. Its amazing, you know, in a period of two days I met an excrackhead and an ex opium addict. Funny the way the stories spill so freely in a cab. The common thread seemed to be the fact they could afford to live; beautiful, right? It's metaphoric and literal all at the same time. I may have to poem it.
Tell them to replace the snotty curtains they sound depressing.
Love ya lady. -
We have this storm also and we are out in the Living History park, camping with no modern facilities. It was exciting but we have a big mop up this morning. Morning was bright and clear and the sun made sparkles on the very large puddles, it was a singing type of morning after the storm. Again we have a heavy , very heavy shower for our last showtime, but the show go on, but it mean the big canvas tents are packed wet just when we thought they dry nicely.
Anyway, I like the poem, and th emessage that things in the night make a dawn where all shifts, and there are always the new things to deal with, and the old ones to find new ways to deal with. Stefan and I relate on more levels than the wet one here Gill. I must go, he is mithering me to help him put the tent over the top bannister rail to dangle down the stair well
Edited on Aug 28, 4:58 p.m. because ''. -
mi¡Pther [ mÇ|ÈÔər ] (past and past participle mi¡Pthered, present participle mi¡Pther¡Ping, 3rd person present singular mi¡Pthers)
verb U.K. regional
Definition:
1. transitive verb pester somebody: to pester or annoy somebody
2. intransitive verb fuss: to worry or fuss
[Late 17th century. Origin ?]
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lol...no way am I going to critique this, and honestly, I wouldn't change a thing about it anyway. I like everything about it, including the word, mither, whatever in the hell it means ~ (reminding myself to get off my lazy tush and go to the dictionary once in a while)
Love,
Lane -
you need to get an Oxford English Dictionary!! lolololol as American ones tend to be crap! I do so love Chaucer.. who first used the word mither
shame you don't know it.. lolololololol
as for the re-work.. i kinda like cliched at times, when it's in its right place..
you seem to be on a roll critiquing mine.. so i better step up to the plate and disect yours.. even though I didn't ask for a critical review on this one
it's okay
i'm an easy kinda gal
now .. go buy an English Dictionary and find mither -
Interesting freeverse poem, I didn't find it too prosaic. A very interesting, well written piece whatever its title is. Keep writing, this was an interesting poem about society, great analysis of the people in the flats among other things.
All the best
Pozo
PS just a random thing- I like your background
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Ha ha, I loved this piece, it was intelliegntly and creatively insane.
Though I'm annoyed you said it was prosey in the authors comments as Meli has just explained to me the differentce between prose and poetry, and I get it finally
So I wanted to see if i could guess which.. 
Nah i'm joking, I think i would have said poetry as you use poetic devices, but it has a prosey feel to it. I like that, prosey poetry Sorry, I'm rambling.
It was clever and interesting and made me smile. Thanks
Jess -
This is a good start. I think this could be reworked into something fantastic. "new luck of the detox draw" is a wonderful line and a nice ending. I couldn't find "mither" in the dictionary. "(not apropo for methadone clients)" is a little murky, as I have a hard time relating it to the line before. The stanza that begins with "Inside-" is chiched. I wish you would rewrite this and use original language. (that won't shut, because a client broke it) speaks volumes about the clinic. The subject matter is a wonderful thing to write about, and the world could use more poems, such as yours, about it. I just think a healthy rewrite is in order. Go for it! Keep up the good work. Take care.
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thanks Brian... yeah- looks better like that
sleep is coming again soon, going for a nap very soon
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very nice imagery, though I think you could compact... maybe even just outside, office, inside, but that a preference sort of thing. I drove from 4pm til 2 am in the rain last night, so I sympathize and wish you blissful sleep when you can afford it.
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Powerful imagery, made an impact. Liked the pace and rhythm of your piece. You paint a vivid picture of a dirty, depressing, unfeeling world. A little numbness, but I get the sense of being caught in something or trapped in someplace you are unable to get out of, so you have to stay and take it all. A little depressing, but so awesomely well written. Great piece.
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Rambling is the best poetry really...the idea and meanings stand out so much more. Loved it.
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For a rambling piece, this was pretty good.
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so wonderful to learn what it's like from the other side, not that i've been in detox but i have frequented mental institutions over the last year.
your poem has the grit and fatigue of reality and an acceptance of that reality; i sense no angst here, just tiredness and acceptance and maturity. your images were sharp and real and the language also was real. I love it. -
hahahha... no, sorry none of them it was a slip of the finger on the keyboard in the wee small hours..
thanks
and nice to meet you too
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Bless you for taking the time to explain!I searched for metaphorical allusion and clutched at the crane for a nanosecond!Clutched at pink and blue possibly being metaphor for female/male and then thought oh,just be as honest as usually am,would rather be thought of as a fool than disengenous,can you imagine someone clicking this just for point going"awwwwwwwwww now I need a shower?"lol!Many blessings NurseChilly! Added you to my favourites,you have style and manners,I appreciate both,love and light,Yvette
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that was an error!! hahahhah ooops
I wrote this in work, at 4am this morning.. it's now 3pm-ish.. am on night shifts.. lololol
well spotted.. NOOOOOO.. it's not erotica.. -
The imagery in this piece is fantastic, I could picture the rain hammering away on the window and those horrible clinical green curtains.
I love the lines :
And the rain played all night long; till 4 am
and the sky opened to blue and pink and purple tints.
A lovely image of the sky at dawning, the sky opened.
Well done on a great piece and good luck with the night shifts. I know how long and horrible they can be.
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Well written,in your-face-realism and a valid statement on society per se,my only confusion was I read this twice and couldn't find an allusion to erotica.I am on here to learn,I have seen many tributes to you on ap and know that your talent is recognized and appreciated,just for me,if you have time and the inclination,please would you explain how this was erotic?Kudos for nursing,my Mom is a nurse and I know the other side of the "glamour" of nursing in detail,I appreciate and value those that care as a vocation for the salary/conditions/enviroment are not enough to hold a lesser spirit.Love and light,Yvette
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thankyou
for dropping by
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yepp... 24/7 nurse-led units... 22 beds for alcohol and 10 bed for drugs...
busy units all round
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Very visual.
I am sensitive to rehab as I have 6 programs around the States I run. Selling and retiring soon.
I assume you work in-patient.
Jim
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Cool piece! I really liked the imagery, it was fantastic!! You've got a pretty original metaphor there too: '...the sky opened to blue and pink and purple tints of Mardi Gras Weekend'
The other one I loved was the Murky skies pounding Manchester.
Heaps good!
Keep it up, Shelly
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