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An Astute Sketch

A glow on flora’s silken face.
A flow pleasing each one’s grace.
A surreal subtle saccharine smile.
A fine will to cross the longest mile.

A drizzling drop that fills the air
around us with a scent very fair.
A radiant rainbow smiling in the blue.
A vibrant butterfly dipping in the dew.

God’s beloved little exquisite angel.
A motherly affection to child in cradle.
A profound painter’s master piece.
A desired-darling tempest, never at ease.

A crystal clear sculpture of heavenly beauty.
A determined knight’s divine duty.
A friend, comrade, a naughty tongue twister.
Its all you dear, my dear sweet sister.



- Vichitra Joshi (J.Vic)

Author notes

28th August = Viccy's Sissy's Birthday !!!!!

I have tried AABB style after a long time, I hope you like it, friends.

Humn, I really feel proud of myself to post this poem at this moment. It has been very long.

You like this poem or not, dont dare anyone forget to wish my sister "Happy Birthday" !! (Please )

The Poem, comparing to my other works, is quite simple. I dont think you will face any difficulty in understanding it, still if you dont get the ray... .... Kick me!

take cares and have a nice time

Miss Me.

- Vic

Biodata (Contest rule )

Name - Vic
Age - Too old to remember
I Live - In Treeland
Anything I would likfe to share - Yeah, my other poem, you'll find them on my main page, do read them, Judges !
Written August 28th, 2006

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 58 of 58

  • Lady Evve
    July 27

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    inspiring and loving

    Well well Vic, didn't I think so that there was a poet hiding in you Found this url on your facebook page so went to have a look..This poem captures so beautifully how you feel about your sister and how you see her, very inspiring and lovely

  • astrid.b
    May 12
    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    This is amazing Vic. My brother is quite the poet himself, actually, so I hope someday he will write something that's just half as great as this.
    I'd be honored to have this kind of poem devoted to me. It's simply amazing.

    Thank you for sharing


  • Kram
    August 12, 2007
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    wonderful

    its really wonderful, I could study a lot from these lines . thank you for writing it


  • dark life 1992
    August 11, 2007
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    awwwww this was very cute

  • MendingBleednHearts
    August 9, 2007
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    wow.... this is really good i like it

  • GuardianPhoenix7289
    January 30, 2007

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    WHOAAAA!!!!

    I did not expect to be as stunned by this as I was! This was just flat out amazing!!! Great job! Seriously! And just amazing job with all the A's!
    And the rhyming was fantastic!


  • Child of Water
    January 11, 2007

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    How come I never really recognized what a genius and talented poet you are. It's beautiful Vic, a pleasure to read. You're sister is quite lucky.
    Best wishes.


  • Murder Misstrw
    January 10, 2007
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    grate poem
  • kitchenwitch
    December 26, 2006
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    nice

    i love my sissy too, hooray for sissys!!!!!!!!!


  • The Third Eye
    December 11, 2006

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    aww, that's so shweet! a very calm and cute write for your sis..
    i'd die of shock if MY brother EVER in his entire LIFETIME wrote a poem for ME!! my bro writing poem to even think of that is like being bitten by a lizard.. (hehe) scary innit? okey okey, me wont shcare my vic..

    a beautiful heart-warming piece. they rhyme and rhythm is very fluid.. tho i somehow think the flow is slightly rippled in "God’s beloved little exquisite angel". perhaps one too many syllables? ah vell, who cares about that when you have a wonderful tribute here?

    this really shows your affection for her.. n i respect n admire that.. i wonder how it feels to have such a loving sibling.. *sigh* maybe not gonna happen to me.. unless if he's struck by the severe madness disease..

    bless ya!
    n a belated and advance happy birthday to your sweet sis!


  • Murder Misstrw
    December 5, 2006
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    grate write

    i love the wording of this poem i can kinda relate to it tell you sister i wish her a happy birthday, the flow goes well and i think ur sister would love it.
    you have a fantasitc talent i am very proud of you
    keep it up.

  • sol...
    November 23, 2006
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    great

    very nice write hun!

    luv ya

    bye


  • Plastiqq.
    November 20, 2006

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    ooooooooooooooo

    me likey viccy!
    the rhyme=perfecto!
    why can't i rhyme like you!?!?
    stop being so greedy and share some
    rhyme with me you thin kfor yourselfer

    p.s your flow is MAGnifICent!

    can you see my piccy?! like you wanted to!?


  • horses rule poetry
    October 28, 2006
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    great poem.

  • Sudarshan
    October 13, 2006
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    Beautiful

    Hey my lil bro, finally found my way to your treeland. I should say you are my elder bro when it comes to poetry. Lovely poem yaar, I am sure your sister would have felt really happy and proud and yes you should be proud of this poem (no wonder you got away without giving her any gift lol), I dont think words are enough to praise this wonderful work of art, keep writing such wonderful poems dude, you can really be someone great in the world of poetry, any lessons you need in it, you can come straight to me lol. Loved reading your poem yaar, hope your sister felt really happy upon reading this, have a great time.

    Sudarshan.

  • Vernal Bloom
    October 10, 2006
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    Afarin

    Bravo, Vic. I’m so sure your sis felt really cheerful after reading this. What else she would want from God? Ah yeah, you really should proud of yourself because what you have written was magnificent. I proud of you as well.
    Too late to say this but happy birthday, Vic’s sister
    Thanks or sharing this with us :-)

    ~Massy~

  • Salt Therapy silver member
    October 9, 2006
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    \Vic this is beautiful! Your writing is so amazing. I love your imagery and the vision is incredible! Keep it up my dear friend! Your lil eternal butterfly ~ Kerri

  • terrytheterrifyc
    October 8, 2006
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    Excellent!

    Vic sweety What an awesome tribute to your sister! I just love the way you made this piece flow and the natural rhyming was so full of colorful visuals. Your sister is definitely a very fine lady.

  • I Is Cat
    October 8, 2006
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    Aww this is so cute. I bet she just loved it. My sister would never write anything for me like this. Come to think of it...no one would lol. Anyway, great job on this Viccy huney. *hugs and kisses*
    <3 Catherine
  • Ankita DG
    October 6, 2006
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    Vic,

    Wow, I truly wish I had a brother who would write such special poetry for me. I bet your sister's feeling awfully special.

    When it comes to the poem itself, it almost has a gentle spiritual tone to it. Good job with the rhyme scheme and the form as a whole. Overall, truly an exquisite piece of poetry.

    Keep writing! Love and hugs...

    Ankita

  • galfalfa gold member
    October 6, 2006
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    This has such a classic flow Vic - loved this! A pleasure to read and so very heartfelt

    Bravo,

    galfalfa

  • darkdustedangel
    October 4, 2006
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    me likey!!!

  • shuvi
    October 3, 2006
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    Oh wow! amazing work! i liked ur words, and the way of putting it...keep writing...i look forward to more of ur stuff...cheers, shuvi

    P.S.- Happy birthday: Viccy Sissy...LOL
  • Lenchik
    September 26, 2006
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    As usual great

  • Hekate gold member
    September 24, 2006
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    Wow this was incredible hun. You've done a awesome job. I agree with what everyone above said

    Kari

  • Da-Lyricologist
    September 23, 2006
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    Excellent

    Aw this is wonderful you have such great ryming skills

  • Allan Emery silver member
    September 17, 2006
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    playful

    Excellent little tribute. Keep it up. Your playfulness will take you places.

  • Phoenix Karkadann
    September 16, 2006
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    lovely poem vic, i bet your sister enjoyed it. well written, shows your love for her.

    nikki

  • JM Kenyon silver member
    September 12, 2006
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    She has to love this poem because it is perfect and from the sweetest most darling little brother anyone in the whole world could have. Great job Vic. s and best of wishes always... ~didi Genie~
  • rry-304
    September 9, 2006
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    I m sorry for being late on comment ..I ADMIT IT...but I have to admit that ur a good poet and turning to gr8 poet.. ..U love ur sis dis much..i was not aware man..well but lots of things u omit to write.. ..bout ur sis..I juz wish her many many returns of day ..and a salute to VIC for his fantastic poem. The gr8ness of the poem lies on the descriptive words which u have gone through and the rhyming words...it juz make the flow of poem very smooth....
    take care & always share such poems with us, and let ur ideas and words flow to AP....
    have anice time... ...
    bye bye....
    adieu...aasta lavista baby...:-h.. .
    - Raj ( running away from earth )

  • September 9, 2006
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    An exquisite piece of poetry; or let's say..sheer flattery! This poem would melt any sister's heart!!! Wow, this is one of my favourite poems so far...comes in close competition with Dancing in the dark (i hope that's the title) tho

    ~Runs over to wish Viccy's Sis a very Happy Belated B'day ^_^;; and congratulate her on having such a sweet, fine poet of a brother~

    ~looks in wonder at Viccy~

    Tc!

    Love,
    Ruchi
  • The Pole Star
    September 3, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Vic!

    This is one of the best of the poems I saw in the contest, rhyme, flow and meaning all were perfect, the flow was the best and words were selective and beautiful...I think that it will certainly go on through the round, crossing my fingers lol

    Happy belated Birthday to your sister, best wishes from me

    Best Of Luck! s

  • maa gold member
    September 2, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    dear vichitra,
    thank you for sharing your birthday-poem for your sister with us. it seems like you love and cherish her very much. your words are sweet and gentle and describe her in a very beautiful way. I am sure that she will truly love it, and to know how much her sister loves her, will make her very happy.
    I wish you all the best in the contest,
    and happy birthday to your sister,

    maa

  • Nephlim
    September 1, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    awesome ^^ i love the rhymes, they went well together, and added a flow to the poem, very descriptive ^^ nice adjectives too
    GREAT job
    diggin it majorly

  • I Is Cat
    September 1, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Aww Vic this is very sweet and ever so beautiful. I loved it. Really great job on this love. *hugs and kisses*
    <3 Catherine

  • IfTomorrowNeverCame silver member
    September 1, 2006
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    Ok my Hump Soldier, I shall make a deal with you. I will only say happy birthday to your sister.... if.... you say happy birthday to Gemmy Poo!!! SHE'S 16 TODAY!!!

    Hunny you wrote a poem! I'm so proud of you s es and loads and loads of humps If only there was a little picture for *hump*

    I love you and so HAPPY BIRTHDAY VICCY'S SISTER!!! HIP HIP!! HOORAY!! 1, 2, 3, 4....

  • BloodyxNightengale
    August 31, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    HEYYYYY VICCCCC!!!! *pounces on you and sends lots of hugs and kisses* LOL!! Well..ahem..anyway..sry just had to type that but yeah..down to the poem.. IT WAS SOOOOO SWEET!! AWWWWW!!! =)
    And by the way i send lots of happy birthdays to the birthday girl!!

    One thing though..i felt the:
    "A desired-darling tempest, never at ease."
    rhyme was kind of forced, but other than that...awesome poem!! I liked it

  • The Anonymous
    August 31, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I was skimmin through someone's page here and it read something like, the poet who will make it big (literature wise )
    Well Well this is what I really want to quote here, k, I did

    Sweeet! I loved it, though I think its more appropriate (to me) to say "Motherly affection to a child in the cradle" than "A motherly affection to child in cradle (motherly affection cant be quantified *Right??* "

    And Happy B'day Sis (since we're bros. )

    Mayank

    PS I'm ne'er on time. I've lost my orientation in time, place and self Happy B'lated B'day

  • sunny day silver member
    August 31, 2006
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    Soooooooooooo Breathtaking!!!!!

    Vic, My sweet vicilicious choco loving friend, these are such beautiful words to honor your sister with. Your rhythm and rhyme are a symphony to my ears and eyes. The flow so soft and sweet like honeysuckle. I wish your writes weren't so few and far between as you are blessed with a gift that some would die for. Your COOLEST LADY JOYCE sends a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY
    to your sis and wishes you all the best in this contest. It sounds golden to me like the sun rising. Kudos for such a lovely work of art. Thank you for sharing your masterpiece.
    A standing ovation to go along with my applause. Love and blessings for you my dear sweet friend, today and always.
    Joyce

  • NickyC1988
    August 30, 2006
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    good job on the poem i really liked it and it is very vlear to understand. Keep up the wrighting because it is nice to see and comment on "friends" work
    love and folly. hehe
    Broken Angel

    Edited on Aug 30, 4:36 p.m. because ''.

  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    August 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Hi son You've done well with the aabb rhyme pattern. You've used some very descriptive words and phrases and your imageries are very vivid. This is a well written piece and I thank you for sharing. Tell your sis I said Happy Birthday Love you always and millions. Mumma

  • morgana raven
    August 30, 2006
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    in all my rush to comment i forgot the applause so so sorry lol

  • morgana raven
    August 30, 2006
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    thought i would take the time out of the chatter box to read your new work, and i love the flow of this poem, and the rhyming is flawless, this is a brilliant write and a very sweet poem for your sister, hope she had a good borthday
    great work as always
    laura xx

    (i have a new poem as well lol they just keep comin laytely, though i dont like my lastest one that much ...i like the one before my latest lol but i am glad you wrote a new poem i love your work )

  • Tigerblood
    August 30, 2006
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    A very sweet poem for your sister. I bet she is very happy for it Please do tell her Happy Birthday for me
    take care
    talk with you soon
    s and es
    -tiger

  • poetic-enigma21
    August 30, 2006
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    hey vic...
    i guess am a bit late ..hmm my clock actually stopped tickin n i was too lazy gettin it made..well well apart from all the excuses..i am still 2 days behind..
    wish ur sis a very wonderful yr ahead ..belated happy birthday dear..
    n guess all the rest is well conveyed by vic..
    hv fun
    n hey vic thanx for the lovely comments n the keen read..i was a bit busy n its been awhile that i hvnt written nything on all poetry ..will do so soon
    c ya
    tk care
    goto go ..in the colg now
    tata
  • Jade Darklinmoon
    August 29, 2006
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    this is simply gorgeous and I am sure she completelyloved this write in honor of her special day! well done sweetheart as always

  • eternalpoet
    August 29, 2006
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    Woohoo, my sis is just 5'3.. and weights less than 100 ... thats why i used the word "little"

    Thanks very much for reading.. muahahaaha.. soon you will be tickled by my comments *hugs and kisses*

    - Vic to Night Phoenix
    Edited on Aug 29, 5:14 p.m. because 'Tee Hee'.

  • Night Phoenix
    August 29, 2006
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    I like the poem as a whole, and the rhyme is fabulous, but I think in some places you've gone crazy with the adjectives. While adjectives are our friends and should be loved and cherished, there is such thing as going adjective-crazy. Believe me, I've been diagnosed with the disease before! And example of an adjective-overloaded line is: "God’s beloved little exquisite angel." That line had so much potential, but the majesty of it gets lost in that space 'tween "little" and "exquisite".

    Hehe, that's what you get for commenting in the cbox that your poem hasn't been properly attacked!

    On the other hand, this is a lovely tribute to your sister. The form is great. I hope she likes it! Best of luck in the contest!
  • Ir.muse
    August 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    hi my lovely lil bro

    wow...you've written a poem? You sure you want to post another poem too?
    A BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR LOVELY SISSY ON BEHALF OF YOUR OTHER SISSY.

    Love you both
    Wish you luck in the contest.

    Shahrzad
  • Sweet Angel16
    August 29, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    ello vic! happy birthday to ur sister!!! ....n hey i loved this...it awesome....awww bless u...so sweet..n ur sister is gona be very proud of you...cya vic!

  • eternalpoet
    August 29, 2006
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    there are 5 judges ... Make sure you have enough ammo

    thanks bro



    - Vic to James(Transient Orgasm)

  • Lucian Valcor silver member
    August 29, 2006
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    wow man this is awesome... I wish I could write in a style like this vic i realy do I have never been good with forms bro.. any way awesome poem you did a great job with vivid detail you should definetly get a trophy for this one will personaly castrate the judges if you dont

    oh yeah and I already said it but I will say it again happy birth day from the guy your sis dont know in america

    "dances and strips for her" "pinches my nipples"

  • Autumnpoet
    August 29, 2006
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    Happy Birthday To Vic's Sis..this is a very special day afterall, .The rhyming pattern has been excellent,A very adorable poem for your sis....Not only the rhyming pattern,this poem painted an imaginary picture,from a beautiful mind it's so PERFECT...
    -your poems fan
    Edited on Oct 13, 4:45 p.m. because ''.

  • misticalDreamwalker
    August 29, 2006
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    aww this is very sweet vic nice poem for ur sis

  • blueyez
    August 29, 2006
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    Simply exquisite luvluv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Smarvelous!

  • Silky Origami
    August 28, 2006
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    HAPPY SISSY BIRTHDAY FIRST OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    And This was awesome Viccy, you really touched me with this write. It brought serene pleasure to read after such a long day. This was most challenging, but I believe you did a masterpiece to be drilled into eyes of those whom read this.
    ya Viccy your my #1 stalker



    JUST BRAVO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  • jonestown tea silver member
    August 28, 2006
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    This was beautiful. I'm not really for the whole rhyme thing or the luvly duvly crap, but hey...Everybody got a style.

    A radiant rainbow smiling in the blue.
    A vibrant butterfly dipping in the dew.


    Those two lines stood out to me the most. The beauty engraved in those phrases. I'm glad that you are writing again. You kicked that nasty Writer's Block in the tush! Poor tush. It has such a lovely foot print now.
    -P.O....The sissy from hell.

  • Bend to Break
    August 28, 2006
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    Aw how cute is this!? I hope your sister likes it because it's really good! &
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