My weathered ship had finally been defeated,
driven under by wild wind and waves, sinking.
Sinking into the depths of despair's grip,
Seemingly never to rise to the surface again.
Bottom in sight, the keel touches down,
Standing upright, proud to the end,
sails flailing against the current,
colors still flying high and proud.
A siren's call drifting through the depths.
A haunting melody heard only in dreams,
drawing my attention back upwards,
the surface sparkles in the sunlight.
The keel floats free of its silt-laden grave,
drawn by the melody of that far off song...
Rising ever upwards, the mast breaks the surf,
drawn ever skywards, the prow rising once more.
Free once more of the weight of the seas despair,
My ship, unshackled takes flight toward the skies,
effortlessly floating on the sweet sound of melody,
its sails filled with the wide tempest of emotions.
Still flying ever upward, aiming for the heavens.
Ever had I sailed my ship on the heavenly melody,
Endlessly searching for its source until this day,
My sunken ship risen again, with a pair of wings.
And now my winged ship has reached its destination,
I have at long last found the source of my own seeking.
With one last great flutter of wings, my ship is released,
to ride the waves of that which is your heavenly song...
Your Gift.
Author notes
Written September 10th, 2006
What did you think
Comments
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You know what they say: All the good flying ships are taken! I love this poem. It's great.
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Thanks for the awesome comment! This is the kind of comment I would enjoy recieving more often...
I understand what you're saying about the obscenely-over-descriptive pieces that people tend to pull out of their nether-regions these days. I suppose they are going for the old Shakespeare style, but they fail miserably. Shakespeare used words that were commonly used then, and wrote it probably as he might speak it, but he was very clever with his rhymes and imagery...
I'll make sure to read (and comment) on your poem
I would very much appreciate it if you would comment on my other stuff?? One of the main reasons I even post things online, is to get some opinions on my stuff other than "Oh thats a great piece".. That kind of comment is way to easy, and way too generic, and I applaud you for your awesome comment, and offer my heartfelt Thanks!
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LOL, many centered poems do look like vases. Anyway, awesome little write here, dude. Really nice...great theme, imagery, story progression, use of language...it's all here. You knocked this one out of the park. The thing I like most (and the thing I hope you never lose) is that your language is simple and clear...not overburdened with a bunch of arcane and twisted flowery language designed to make people think you are a poet...are ARE a poet precisely because you avoided saying things like "and the keel, lisping with the honeyed cries of fluttering wings wrapped in the dreams of yesterday's unintended consequences, rose in fitful, cascading jerks and throbs, indicating in mystical wisps of passion's thin-spun technicolor expectation...) and on and on, blah, blah, blah. Please don't ever write such garbage, it will consume your soul and consign you to the lowest part of hell...lolol. Just say what you mean in the clearest way possible...if a big word is the best word, great, but don't "try" to sound like a poet. Half the people here do that and it is unnerving.
Anyway, I see that this is one of the only poems you have labeled as "spiritual", but because it is so good, let me invite you to take a look at my poem "Warning" allpoetry.com/poem/2274164/all=1 which is number three on the "most applauded" list. You may enjoy it in its own right, but also notice the power that can be achieved when you avoid fru-fru imagery-for-imagery's-sake. You ought to be able to understand every word (unless you need to look something up, but then you will understand). I have read poems that are 1/10th as long that I couldn't figure out for anything. LOL, as you can tell, the fru-fru stuff rubs me raw. Once again, great poem, very good.
btw, I didn't notice anything forced.
dp -
Good.
I like this... alot! Beautiful imagery. -
Yes... Writing at 2am has that effect... Thanks a bunch, I'll go through later and see if I can fix the seeming-forced issue... Thanks a bunch
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i really like the freeform structure you have here its very good. the poem is well presented and conveys its message well.
my only critisism if you could call it that is i think it tries a little too hard in places. -
Hey... look at that... its shaped like a Vase... LOL!
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