My mind lingered still, in the land of bliss
Where ethereal brush paints a scene,
Of blushing blue seas with the full moon's kiss
And slow dancing trees with leaves ever green
To the tune of breeze and her gentle hiss,
Melodies heard in a world unseen;
A moment of magic captured with care
A fantasy land, thus born somewhere.
With floating clouds in the sapphire sky
Opulent sands, scattered on shore
A sweet little home in the treetop high
Where light scented fragrance knock the door,
Through which we can see the blue fairies fly
And host their dance on the heavenly floor;
A window to see those dreams elude with grace
And collide with joy on the white moon's face.
Where butterflies play for rainbows to stare
With colors of wonder, on love they ride,
And busy wind spares the stage to share
While new buds bloom and blossom with pride,
The red from the sky, would the roses wear
Pretty precious fantasies, here they hide;
In this land of night lives the dreamy queen
With an ethereal brush to paint the scene.
Author notes
Form: Ottava Rima
Written November 7th, 2006
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This is another very impressive write, but I'm sorry to say the syallble count is not correct on these lines:
Line #9...you have a count of 9 and it should be 10
line #15...you have 11 and it should be 10... 'e.lude', I think this word you may have counted as one syllable
I am deeply saddened because this would have done well in the judging...the rhyming is spot on, with a wonderful flow and extremely exciting metaphors, your imagination has brought the picture to life, I have to keep going back to read again, it has made such an great impression on me, and I love every line...
So elegantly penned and wrapped in a magical embrace
~Lilac
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firstly let me thank you for your encouraging comment. and this poem is just outstanding. the excellent use of language creates a picture you can almost reach out and touch and with your imagery you can vizualise perfectly the beautiful scenes. I love it!
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Awesome!
Hi Raspberry! You not only captured the essence and told the story, you worked the craft. My compliments to you!! Take care
Irish Rose
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This was a very delightful comment Thankyou
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Past Excellent.Wonderful!
Spirit Song here..Just having read now Ethereal Brush Paints the scene...The scene is beautiful...but how you work with words! We could all take lessons from you....You are my inspiration!....I will have to read more tonight..One at a time to absorb takes time! Keep it up, Raspberry!....Spirit Song -
A magical beauty of a piece - the creative way you've penned this with such an easy flow makes this such a pleasure to read!
Your ethereal pen has painted an exquisite scene for the readers of this piece
Bravo...loved this!!!!
galfalfa
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oneforalltheageandafter.
Where butterflies play for rainbows to share... Quite possibly the most fantastical thought I've ever read!!! -
Hi raspberry, a warm welcome to you
~Lilac
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Still not sure, but I have made it as its said
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it matters! the whole rhyme structure is as i said above which is in the contest page, to not have it that structure is for it to be incorrect but if you do not mind it being so then fine
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I dont think it would really matter much, as for the form is concerned they read as individual octives Thanks dear for taking the time to read.. Will drop by yours sometime..
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