Crystal thoughts of night pleasures!!
Crystal thoughts that become one with your mind,
Hearts shattered in the dawn of time,crying wounds that cant be healed,
tears staining dreams of lost worlds torn apart ,
Shattered dreams of you,promises stolen lik e night kisses from the moon
Cries that light up the mind of souls for a love to survive that hasn't been named yet ,
broken illusions of a mind lost....
words spoken silently,wanting to scream,
Ilove you,
Author notes
Written November 8th, 2006
A contest entry
- All You Need is Love by mynameisnoone.
400 points, ended November 11, 2006, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
a good poem - maybe break those longer lines into 2? also ellipses, three dots only
spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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The thoughts are what its like to be totally owned,dependent on one person and then have the security taken very abruptly from someone,imagine it,feel it,think it,one person shattered,torn like a piece of rubbish as their whole world,way of living,love of their life taken away from them in just a second.
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Really loved the intensity of this piece. The impression of a lover out of control, drowning in their love.
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Crystal thoughts
become one
with your mind
hearts shattered
in the dawn of time
crying wounds
that cant be healed
tears staining dreams
of lost worlds
torn apart
Shattered dreams of you
promises stolen
like night kisses from the moon
Cries that light up
the mind of souls
for a love to survive
that hasn't been named yet
broken illusions
of a mind lost
words spoken silently
wanting to scream
I love you
.....in other words, with a few tweaks, this poem could be really excellent. The format bothered me. Instead of putting so many commas, just break the line up. It makes it much more effective, I think. I really love the last line, it made it sound powerful. Thanks for entering.
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