How dazed this fallen man now looks,
His eyes turned black with crimson rage;
Sanity not measured in dust volumes of books,
The anger cannot be seen on the written page.
The women he had loved and hated were dead,
White skin made paler by merciless death;
The sun of their lives now painted red,
As their lives were taken with death's breath.
Neither sane nor insane, trapped, he knows,
His rage's blizzard cannot be measured;
It is another horrible symphony to compose,
For every scream was loved, and treasured.
His high was higher than the spilt blood,
And his low point left him feeling broken;
His emotions were like a sudden flood,
And his private misery was left unspoken.
He tried to restore what he had once killed,
The snow’s whiteness, so red and blood-soiled;
He did not see a person's life fulfilled,
Only a coming death soon left unspoiled.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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I absolutely love this piece, the first verse in particular. This is really well-worded and the imagery just slaps you in the face.
amazing piece.
[stay sick']
xx Sin -
Hey, came back once again for judging. Just want to note - incase you noticed, you have not used the word 'black', but I have noticed you used dark. A 'break - off' of the word. So I am allowing this without docking points
-Ryan -
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I thought I had used black...really sorry about that
I appriciate it!
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Oh wow, this is great! Love the pic ;-) You have really told such a brilliant, chilling stoty in this poem! I love this idea of 'another horrible symphony to compose', it's such a telling phrase, that what he does is like a piece of art to him....a really chilling image and idea. The language as always is so lush and sensual, it really expresses the horror aspects of this so well, and yet, whilst it has horror themes, there is also the essence of humanity in it, if that makes sense LOL A wonderful, wonderful poem!
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Interesting
Very stark and cold. Feels a little like Poe to me. The picture really ties it all in. I wonder did he kill those women he loved? Something in this makes me feel like that would be a possiblity. Good flow and the rhyme was not forced at all. I just had to stop by and read some of your work after our little conversation. You do good work. Thanks for sharing
Peace, Love, and Hope
God Bless
Tammy
Little Feather Spirit Cherokee -
Oh my gawd, this one is so beautiful. Plus, and I see this very rarely, YOUR PICTURE FITS YOUR POEM. (I mean, a lot of people can't do this.) Thank-yew for visiting my page, it means a lot to me. Your rhyming works and its strategically worded...very nice.
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Wonderful Job
I could feel the torture and pain of the ones who were discarded. Plus the torment he was going through. Good Luck! -
excellent
It felt like it was a spooky story which is pretty cool. I like how the man is described reminds me of a story I am doing about a serial killer. I specially enjoyed where you said "every scream was loved, and treasured" that is just awesome. This is really good. It is kinda creepy but it is in a way that it makes it look very attractive... I really enjoyed reading this piece great job.
. Rewarded 4
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Excellent
This was fantastic. The ponderings of a murderer was done so vividly. And the picture is perfect. Good luck in the contest.
. Rewarded 4
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i think that this a good dark piece of poetry which you have written here with somw style, it is an enjoyable dark poem, and it has a good flow to it. thank you for sharing your poetical talent with us all here at allpoetry, i enjoyed reading it with my eyes. i wish that you have good luck in this contest you have entered. spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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I'm certain you know fo the clichés, so I won't bother to mention them. The poem is great, and wouldn't be the same without the clichés. Ah, good imagery, but I don't feel that any line in particular is any better than another. Whether that's good or not is up to you.
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Ah, of course! Spellcheck doesn't catch things like it used to
Thank you for the wonderful comment!
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First off, this stanza really struck me:
Neither sane nor insane, trapped, he knows,
His rage's blizzard cannot be measured;
It is another horrible symphony to compose,
And every scream was loved, and treasured.
You've taken something that some people consider ugly and made it beautiful, almost inviting. Amazing write, very powerful.
<3 MxOrpheus
. Rewarded 4
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