I'm sitting here all alone
What I'm doing is unknown
Wishing and wanting to go out
I had friends but now I'm without
Came here to this distant land
A foriegn place is where I stand
Only a few states away
I'm so lonely today
Make new friends and leave old ones behind
Walking around and around changing my mind
I wish I didn't have to leave like I did
Try so hard not to remember the kid
The kid I loved so much but am not today
Just wish I could go back and say
Tell them I'm sorry for everything I done
But I didn't do anything to anyone
I know that my friends were lost
To the curb all of us were tossed
To all of this I will only say gosh damn
But I'll be staying here until I figure out who I am
Author notes
Cat's Paw
A contest entry
- Hurting by Grey Mouser.
625 points, ended December 19, 2006, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 54 of 54
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PERFECT!!!!!
woah! this was AWESOME!!!!! right now, those moving/missing you poems have really got me hooked...and this one is one of my favorites! seriously, it's everything i feel (other than a few states away...for me it's like a zillion states away) without the mushy missiong you stuff that overwhelms me too. wow...i can't believe i just read this...it rocks!
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Oops, forgot the applause.
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*Hugs* P'raps you don't feel like that anymore, but that was a very I-need-a-hug-ish poem. You should also have a hot chocolate, when you feel like the above. Those are very cheerful-making.
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Find yourself is an important step in becoming a human of worth. Once you know who you are, others will see and be attracted to you. Thank you for entering the contest. Be well and be blessed.
Mouser -
This is really good. I can feel your pain in it. I can relate to this as I have moved so many times to accomadate my dads job. This is definetly one of the more deep poems I have read! Awesome job
Much love,
~Fiona~
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woAH
wow... so simple and yet oh so powerful!! this was GREAT!!!!!!!
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Wow.
I'm sorry. That's all I can think to say. The tone of this poem is just so sad. Cheer up! =D There's a lot of hurt in this poem. Good luck with the contest btw. I'm in it too. Good luck with life! lol.
Krazy K.
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That is so sad, I guess moving/ moving on is really hard. You must be a very strong guy, I can tell from this poem.
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This is a beautiful poem. It flows easily when said. I can tell you miss your friends. I never had to move, but I met someone who moved close to me. I hope you find friends like she did. I don't like being alone either
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Excellent
I know exactly how you feel.
I had to leave a lot of my friends behind through life.... and it still sucks.
Well done.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Keep up with the great work.
Keep on penning.
*S* Cynthia -
Personally, I think the emotion you put into this poem is incredible. But, your rhyme seems slightly stressed, as if you are trying too hard to make it rhyme. Let your muse flow. Also, in my personal opinion, you should find another word to rhyme with out. Without is just out with the with. (My brain hurts from typing that.) Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed this.
Chelsea
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I like this one the best. It shows a lot of emotion and seems like a touchy subject. Great job.
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Very insightful and sad
This is a very sad and profound write with so much emotion trickling between the lines. It is very difficult to move to a new town and make new friends. I would have loved to have read more to this one it was very enlightening to those of us who don't know you very well.
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Painful
I can feel the pain through out this piece! Although I really can't relate to this one, as I still live in the area where I grew up, I have had friends that have moved. I am sure you will be ok, and make some great new friends. Best of luck in the contest. Keep that pen flowing!!!
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Oops, I forgot to give you your much deserved applauses.
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Wow, Andrew. That's really all I can say about this one. I never knew you felt that way. This is a really good write.
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I like the emotion in this poem. It's very real and honest, and I can relate to "leaving old ones behind".
Just a small suggestion: Don't force the rhyme. If a certain word just doesn't seem to fit when it followes the rhyme scheme, then it's okay to use the word that fits best. That's the beauty of free verse. A poem can rhyme where it seems most appropriate, and deviate from the rhyme when it doesn't quite fit. This keeps the flow of a poem more natural and less forced.
Overall, this poem is very heartfelt and totally worth reading. Nice job.
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BEAUTIMOUS!!
beautiomous! i kno how u feel. i had to move to KY from Texas, and i have lost touch with most of my friends and i hate it! but, yea, this is real good! keep it up!
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Amazing
This pours out your feelings on having torelocate to a new place....A thing I have done many times in life so I feel for you, hopefully things are getting better for you. If not I am here to talk anytime you need a friend. Everything was perfect, I wouldnt change a single line or word. You have great writing abilities...!! Keep penning!!
~Emily~
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Lots of comments here, that's for sure. Most everyone will have said what I am, I'm sure. I glanced through some of the comments, actually, and I agree with PixxiePoetess- you need to tighten up the rhythm a bit. The message is a great one though.. it is really hard to move.. good job!
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I relate much to this, I had to move from California where I had lived for all of my life to live in Texas. You have a talent with rhyming, your poems flow quite well, in this line:
Tell them I'm sorry for everything I done
shouldn't "I" be changed to "I've"?
it's a good piece I'm sure many could relate to, job well done Ruth -
I like it...this could mean alot...it could be saying you miss your home town and your childhood or maybe a lover that you left...i can tell there is alot of emotion behind it and that is what makes a good poem. Well done...i like trading poems with you like this...and what was with the note you gave me earlier?
--Beautiful--
. Rewarded 4
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Wow, this was really, really good. I really enjoyed reading this. As of this moment I don't know that feeling really, but I'm sure I will soon. I really, really liked this poem. Great job. God Bless!
. Rewarded 4
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I can understand this poem. I feel like I have been there, done that! I like the way you worded it. Awesome write! Keep it up
. Rewarded 4
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Wonderful
Wonderful write!
If this about you, I am from Arkansas too.
Your write made me sad inside,I really feel your pain.
again, wonderful write.
. Rewarded 4
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Great!
You haven't lost your touch! This poem is amazing, yet sad at the same time. Very well written. -
good write
drewce,here's the deal man,no matter where you go in your life, it will be exactlly like the place you just left within 30 days. it is not your enviornment that has to change, but yourself. 30 days makes a habit. but at least you realize that you need to change something. and that is a good place to start. you'll get there. you know? home. that home within yourself. good luck. love GYPSYfish
. Rewarded 4
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awsome poem i realy like hoe you used
------------Only a few states away------------------
-------------I'm so lonely today--------------------
--Make new friends and leave old ones behind--------
-Walking around and around changing my mind--------- -
I really like it good job.
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yeah...i like this one and i can relate to it, but in a different way...i hope things get better 'cause i know the pain...lovely peice...
. Rewarded 4
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great work
it's a great poem , i really loved it .
i feel really alone sometimes coz it say " we usually laugh together but cry alone "
thx alot for sharing it ,
. Rewarded 4
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intriguing depth
wowerz. this had some crazy ass depth to it if i may say so.yikes. in some cases i know the feeling of pain love and friendship. this was bam. --im speechless-- one of the best ive read in a while. write more like these!!!
. Rewarded 4
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wow....I like it alot....Its kinda how i feel....Good Job..I like it alot..
-Angel
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Thats a nice one to i really Like this one to
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<3
Another swell write. A little sad, but I liked the pick-me-up at the end, gave it a nice, decisive finish. Way to g
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a tear jerker but i loved it its very touching and it speaks to the heart great job keep up the great work God bless you hon
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ohhh, my turn to forget something now lol
Good luck with finding yourself, it's possible as hard as it seems...I know that much! -
sad, but oh so good
I like the way you wrote this poem as though telling a story, it kind of reads like there are missing pieces, but in a good way...like it adds depth to the piece. I may be biased because of your other poem I just read but I think my fav line is, "The kid I loved so much but am not today"
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The raw emotion is definitely evident in this piece. However, your meter could use a little attention. You jump from lines of about 7 syllables to a line that has 11. Maybe lengthen the opening lines so that they fit with the rest of the poem better. Perhaps something like
"I'm sitting here forgotten and alone
trying to capture thoughts unknown.
Wishing and wanting to venture out
to help forget the friends I'm now without."
That's kind of blah, but you get the point. the longer lines will help tie th eopening to the rest of the piece. Like I said, the emotion is there, now you just need to tighten up the form. --->pixxie<--- -
This is a terrific write. You emotions flowed from every word you penned. Your lonliness flowed like water. Continue writing from the heart. Your golden pen will take you to far places. continue writing these soulful words.
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wow
This is awesome. What a wonderful poem you have written here! You really filled it with intense emotion that runs very deep. I am extremly impressed with this poem. You did a fantastic job!
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NEATO
NEATO! -
nice...Poem flowed beuatifully and everey line painted a vivid picture...again,the ending was excellent...I am sure you will figure it out ...its a journey...one day at a time
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WOW
You did an AWESOME job on this one... it was sad, but the way you put everything together was very well done. I can understand this a bit - - - I left ALL of my friends and most of my family when I was 15 - - - It's hard... It's hard moving and changing and making new friends... heck I haven't been in the same school for 5 years now - that's hard.
Anyway, this was a great write.
Thanks for sharing!
-JLynn xXx
-It was good reading one of yours again.
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Sadness
and perhaps a little anger as well. I don't know the circumstances of why you moved but I hope everything will come out alright in the end. Nice flow and good rhyming skill. The emotion comes through well and connects with your reader. Thanks for sharing and inviting me to read your poetry.
Peace, Love and Hope
God Bless
Tammy
Little Feather Spirit Cherokee -
Rated, A, for Awesome!
I love this poem, it is so raw with emotion; the feelings are spilling all over the page... This piece is very well written, as well!! As they say on AP, "Write on, shine on, Poet!!!" I hope the subject in this poem figures out who they are!!!! Take care
Rose of Ireland
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Wow
It is never easy having to move, leaving friends is one of the hardest things to have to come to terms with. You will make new friends, in time....and perhaps you could keep in touch with your old friends by phone or puter? Loneliness can be hard to deal with, we have all been there at some time, but if you see me online and want to chat, feel free Keep writing as it keeps the loneliness away but also try to meet people outside, you will soon find people with similar interests as you
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This is a really well constructed piece. I only noticed the rhyming half way through which is GOOD. You have conveyed your emotional ride extremely well, sadness, guilt, regret and loneliness...I am sorry you felt you had to move away, for whatever reason, you can close 1000 doors on your problems, but they will continue to knock, time and time again, until they are dealt with. I wish you luck and friendship
Cathy
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Well written
You did a good job with this. It is an original poem theme. Very nice work.
S
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Is there truth in this? Is this actually about you? I know what it is to pick up and leave and have to make new friends. I also know wheat it's like to feel an uncertain amount of guilt for something I may or may not have done.
You sound like a very nice young man, Andrew. I should think you won't have problems making friends, and I hope you will find yourself where you want to be very soon. Blessings, Patricia
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Emotions on the sleeve
My grandma used to say, 'I can tell how you really feel, because your emotions are printed on your sleeve' I asked her what she meant and she said, 'I can see the tear stains sweetheart'
Uprooted from one place to another quickly usually means something big happened. I won't pry, I can deduce enough from your poem. I could indeed feel the sorrow and see the tearstains of frustration. Give it time, you will find that life will hold better meaning when you figure out who you are.
Very well done on relaying your thoughts and emotions and your rhyme is pretty good. A few places that seem a little forced, but only because of the wording of the line.
little example on line:
'Tell them I'm sorry for everything I done'
perhaps a small edit to:
'I'm sorry for everything I've done'
there's a couple more and a quick re-read and I'm sure you'll catch them.
I think you'll find if you break your block into a couple of stanzas, it will help with the differences in meter. Just a little tightening here and there will make all the difference.
Great effort here, keep writing it will help to clear your mind and get back on the road to discovery after recovery
Many blessings Sandi
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WOW! A very powerful and emotional piece...Sorry you had to make a drastic move...I hope to read more of you...smiles, Terry
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Wow!
OK....the poem is excellent! You have conveyed your feelings very well...the emotion within is powerful and displayed with skill.
Your angst is almost overwhelming...I do pray you will find peace!
Impressive write...the rhyme is FABULOUS!
The only thing I would suggest is to tighten up the meter...I'm sorry that's all I've got! LOL!!!
I hope you are not disappointed with me...but this is an excellent poem!
But, because I personally do not follow form/style/rules of poetry when I write...I just pen what comes from my heart....I find the changing meter/rhythm within this write charming...I enjoy the fact that I am forced to slow down and speed up while reading the heartfelt words. I find this ADDS to the flavor within the angst you have spilled from your heart.
I always prefer heartfelt RAW AND REAL emotion in poetry to the "standards" exacted by the masses.
Real is always better in my eyes and this is REAL.
Great job.
Blessings! Tammy
Blessings! Tammy
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