Ice bound soul, the human shivered
Where Lupus Arkticus would roll
For all his joy might make livid
Ice bound soul.
Snow bouncing Northern Lights enfold
Bristling lupine fur acquivered
By frost, swift swirl on rainbow cold
Bridge to photoelectric fed
Form anticipating spring bold:
"Eternity beyond dread!", howled
Ice bound soul.
Author notes
1: "Arkticus" is misspelt in this way for a reason: combining the Ancient Greek and Latin words, in this way and order, holds meaning for the poet that need hardly here be exegetised.
2: The Bifrost bridge, said to be a rainbow, joins Asguard and Midguard. It may indeed have been derived from the Northern Lights, and Astral Travelling Experiences (one expects - the more prosaic/inexperienced understadning that it represents a psychologically metaphorically founded imagininal articulation of the variety of human experience is, for my Money (spiritually Rich as I am) a load of twentieth century holus bolus.
3: One might ensure the reader does not miss the reference to "The Body Electric" by a certain, obscure, poet.
4: This is a Roundel, a Chaucerian variation on the Rondel. And not a bad one at that, IMO.
A contest entry
- Raven Qualifier - General: Free Verse, Rhyme and Everything Else by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 150 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Should there be a comma between "spring" and "bold"?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Congratulations! I cannot wait to see what you have for the next round!
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The author's notes were indispensable to me, making suddenly lucid what was to me a difficult poem to digest. Wonderful write!
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Numb Struck Forewords...
One might note that that is what notes are for.
Yet still sometimes one chooses to evoke emote more than thorough-going clarity.
That this piece brims with references that may be obscure (Bifrost&NorthernLights, photoelectric, Walt Whitman's Body electric, eg) is in part stems from a decision I made some 8 or so months ago not to write to an audience I might suppose, but rather to let that be province of any prose I may write, and allow the Sir Feat of material to add up to something greater than a dumbed-down version of myself that might await You Ares to allow Plus Roamer to be. (qv. surfeit; years; pleroma).
More than that, one is here to learn, and this expression may let my sole burn more fiercely for the uncompromise, perhaps in another poem the same ideas to express more clearly, or more evolved and so more dearly. Sometimes it is the occasionally line and juxtaposition of images that justifies a piece: the "ice bound soul shiverring" where the "arctic wolf revels" is, for example, one juxtaposition I here like, and which could serve as springboard for later poem, whether of mine own or another. The contrast of those who look to the stars and those with eyes firmly set on the ground parallels the idea, eg, yet is more accessible, if not intirinsically as flexible.
"Simple is as complex does", they say.
Until Another Day, L8R,
MA.
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I really like the flow and the scansion of the poem and this makes the words flow off your tongue. I also really like the fact that you begin the poem and finish it with the same phrase, as this helps to conclude the poem and also backs up the cohesion created by the other repetitions.
The images that are created are very strong especially by using ‘bristling’ to create the idea of a cold climate. Also clever use of ‘swift swirl’ as the sibilance creates and onomatopoeic effect; creating the sounds of the icy wind whistling across the frozen landscape.
I also like the fact that you have references to things which are not commonly known, such as the bridge, which shows a commitment to your poem by the research that you have undergone.
Personally I think that you may want to consider using more commas to help break up the lines and help them make more sense, for example after ‘would roll’ in line 2. This would then strengthen ‘for all his joy (….) bound soul’, creating a nice conclusion to the first stanza. Over all it is a very well crafted poem, flows nicely and makes me glad that it’s the summer!
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry!
Northern Raven
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In Reply to the circling Raven's lights...
Regarding the 'would roll,/for all': were one to place such an comma, then 'would roll for all' would be denied.
In some pieces I leave punctuation more to be supplied by the readers' minds and reconsiderations, hoping that the poetrix elevate their insight beyond mere prosaic considerations and on into Understanding.
I shan't here expand on the references, more for lack of time at this time than lack of an respect for your request, except to say that the 'obscure poet' is of course Walt Whitman.
Merci,
and my astounded eyebrows raise at your Mighty Sweeping Contest as it Wings its way,
Master Anarchy. -
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Thank you for the insight into your use of punctuation.
It is of course, a personal preference as to how authors use it (or not) in poetry and my comment was a only a suggestion. You obviously know far better than I, the message you want your readers to receive and clarity of mind is a good thing
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I feel this piece perhaps represents my favorite part of the experience of this contest, to wit, reflection. So much today is easily assimilated that we (the readers) can find ourselves searching for something requiring consideration and thought.
I am not at all sure that I understand your references, but I am sure a bit of research can remedy that. For your efforts, however, you have interested me in doing the research... and that is certainly a hallmark of quality, if not a direct indiciation.
I want to say that I appreciated the author's notes. However, I think that your understanding of the material is going to surpass that of your reader's generally. For this reason I would suggest exapanding the author's notes to talk more about the work you have created. There is certainly the school of thought that says great poetry should have to be explained. Even though I don't exactly subscribe to that thinking, explanations never hurt.
Any additional input on this piece that you would like to send me would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for your entry.
~Das -
I truly don't know what your meanings are behind the poem, but even so, I enjoyed the poem. Some lines rhyme, though I feel it matters little whether they did or didn't. Anyway, a great poem.
. Rewarded 4
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Re: the Roundel rhyme.
The Roundel, a variant from the Rondel from Swinburne's oeuvre, is rhymed abaRbababaR: the R forms part of the first line (here 'ice bound soul') and may or may not rhyme with the b lines.
Couplet rhyming (aabbccdd etc) is but one way of doing it, but hardly a challenging gymnastic. Not that I challenge myself much with triple line rolling rhymes, and multisyllabicals.
Blaze On, as the Sun,
MA.
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Love the Northern Lights bouncing across the evening sky - so interesting to watch them move here and there. Interesting title and poem you have created here. Unusal form you have used - different than the normal ones we see on this site.
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i feel that since it is your poem, its really your choice if you want to put a comma between "spring" and "bold", but in my opinion, it is really good the way it is, keep up the good work...
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Rhetoreallically...
The question is, mais oui, rhetorical, inteded to havce the reader consider and thus possibly surprise a meaning otherwise missed, or thus reinforced. (viz. a la "To boldly spring where no man would go")
Thank you for responding directly to it.
MA.
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very, very inventive!!
Yes, walt whitman, nice reference. overall, however, completely yours. And so much that this offers to the reader!! Nicely executed.
. Rewarded 4
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interesting
i really liked the lines about the ice bound soul...that was haunting!
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