In the white space
you hide
like a snail darter
beneath a moss covered stone
in Old Seventy Creek.
The moss, green in the shade
of Sycamore & oaks,
feels like a poem
beneath my bare
feet.
At night,
you swim about
in the white
reflection of a full moon.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I liked the mysterious quality of this poem and the line breaks and spacing add to enhance that quality, as well as the impact. As Zayra has said, each of us find our own meanings in a poem and also bring in our own reflections - so I guess the "you" here can be so many things. Sometimes it is the poem itself that hides in the white space of a page; sometimes it is someone or something specific. I liked this - and the word-economy is great too.
~ Nicolette
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The comments were interesting and somewhat confusing. The poem was not confusing though.
The very last line of the poem was lost in my first read because it is right up against the line. I suppose I am just esoteric enough to find neither you or I in the poem, so much as about the elusive or mysterious essence of the "other" that we may love or wish to know or discover. The mysterious element is there and has a presence, just as the space does, however we may not be able to read it or experience it a direct sense.
The wonder of poetry is that we each bring our own points of reflection to it.
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Oh yay, a discussion. 2nd reader weighing in.
It's clear to me it is the poem that hides. Well, that may not be the poet's intent, but for me the reader, it works, and I like it. (I think the intent may be less important than how it is received, anyhow, not only in poetry, but in any communication.)
It appears to me that the poet searches for the poem in the landscape that inspires him, but finds it only later, by night, on the white page. Upon reflection. (Oh man I stick my neck out, I think, when I interpret.)
I would have missed the last line had it not been for Lute's comment. Maybe some spaces after it would separate it from the AP junk that follows. It was fine, actually, without the last line - not to say it should be omitted.
As I become more familiar with your work, I find myself looking for the sly craft, the unexpected scheme, in your poems. I think I'm ok in proclaiming this free verse. heheheh.
It's gorgeous.
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zara--you never stick your neck out by writing what you think or feel about a poet's work. I appreciate reading your candid critiques & hope my style continues to keep you on your toes.
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Hmm. hmm. I not need to know you are a snail darter, all I need to know is that you are in Old Seventy beneath a stone.
Actually, there is a problem, is it you beneath the stone that is the poem, or the moss?
hmm hmm
At night,
you swim
in the reflection
of a full moon.
Perhaps we already know the reflection's color,
be it blue, or white, or silver, ours you see, that bit of reflectivity. Like the darter, a limit is imposed that is perhaps unnecessary.
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Thanks for your questions. The I in the poem is not in Old Seventy Creek or beneath a stone. A snail darter is a small minnow, a bottom dweller that hides. If you look at the title of the poem & the use of white space, you will see where the "you" in the poem swims. Sorry if the poem confuses you. We will see if other readers are as confused. If they are, the poem may not be successful in what it seeks to portray...
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