We live on a mountain
Right at the top
There's a beautiful view
From the top of the mountain
Every morning, I walk towards the edge
And throw little things off
Like car-parts, bottles and cutlery
Or whatever I find lying around
It's become a habit
A way
To start the day
I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe up here with you
I go through all this
Before you wake up
So I can feel happier
To be safe again with you
It's early morning
No one is awake
I'm back at my cliff
Still throwing things off
I listen to the sounds they make
On their way down
I follow with my eyes 'till they crash
I imagine what my body would sound like
Slamming against those rocks
And when it lands
Will my eyes
Be closed or open?
Safe up here.
Safe up here..
Safe up here...
Author notes
I have to say this one is solid and pure emotion. Please bear in mind also, that my specialty in dark/sad poetry is the most subtle versions of it. This poem takes some drawing of conclusions by the reader and, of course, you know that's the way I like it. But I really amazed myself with writing this, which felt good, as that hasn't happened in a long time. Thanks for prodding it out of me. :]
A contest entry
- Thrill Me by Despairkitty.
375 points, ended December 15, 2006, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think.
Comments
-
Great Emotion
This has a lot of great emotion and it's backed full of personal suggestion....what it would be like, type of deal. I like this a lot sam, keep it up, Great Write! As Always!
-Julie- -
Subtle And Sublime
Whew!!! That gave me a chill! It starts out so innocently and so serene (except for the fact that you're a litterbug
). O.K., let's say there's a big gully that needs to be filled, LOL. Then the poem takes a subtle shift and before I realized it, I was doubting my own sanity. First rate, best wishes in the competition.
-
I really love this piece as it really makes you think and i had to read it twice just let it soak in. I love poetry like this piece, it's subtle and flowing yet there is a darkness that lingers within. Bravo on an amazing write.
-
Well I loved it. It was raw...it was kind of chilling actually. It is sometimes hard to capture a feeling or an emotion and you did this so wonderfully. I loved this piece. On your second line I think you meant top and not to. That has no affect on my judging, I just thought you would want to know. I did love this, and I am going to read over it again. It just left me feeling so hopeless. Wow...fantastic.
Despair
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