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Make Mine Music

He sits at our ancient stool
rubbing hands for warmth,
I’ve seen it many times,
long fingers flexing sadly bending
from the aging disease.
He pecks at the keys
testing here and there
for quality and tone,
always a skilful ear.
All his paper music is cast aside today,
the mood is his alone,
rhythms and refrain
spreading to his bones.
He sways, he plays, something from Chopin,
a Souza march,
or a finger perfect rendition of
The Flight Of The Bumble Bee.
When prompted to change his tune,
(mom won't be denied)
there is harmony in the air and clapping,
feet are tapping,
but he is leaving us again.
Feet pump the pedals, fingers take the keys.
Jumpin’ Jack Flash,
Good Golly Miss Molly, Great Balls Of Fire.
Yeee haa.

All too soon its dusk
and the music slips away, 

we all sit down to a quiet Sunday tea.


A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 33 of 33

  • Mirthryl silver member
    October 24, 2007

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    Delightful portrayal. I have had such Sundays with a family member at the piano. Love your "feet pump the pedals, fingers take the keys". Nice increasing excitement as you move from the classics to the vibrant, crazy 60's and beyond. Very enjoyable!


  • ronnica
    October 24, 2007
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    Thank you Queen, I will make the changes,as this is why I post my poems, I am willing to listen to all points offered.

  • CelticQueen gold member
    October 24, 2007

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    This is lovely, just lovely. Would you allow me a couple of suggestions or pointers? First, you have a couple of misspellings: ageing = aging; skilful = skillful. Then there are a couple of punctuation errors: wont = won't; its (dusk) = it's; pump the pedals fingers take the keys = pedals, fingers.

    Then, I have a couple of writing suggestions - just teeny ones - well, actually only one: leave out 'so' in your last line, adding a comma after 'away.'

    This is a beautiful memory and I'm assuming it's a story about a particular event when he was playing. Well-written and evocative. Nice job. I'm hoping you'll make those small corrections and revisions. celtic queen


  • Passionate Phoenix
    August 11, 2007
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    brilliant, great write! I might be young, but I really appreciate older music, so I love how you've mentioned Jerry Lee Lewis etc
    I love th description, and I like the line where you describe his playing of the piano, as 'pecking', which, come to think about it, is exactly what it looks like when a person first sits at a piano!

    Great write, well done X

  • debilynn gold member
    August 6, 2007
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    BANDITS UNITED!!!

    I am so glad that this wonderful write is shared with us here in the group!  A very interesting piece I must say. Great memories are etched in our minds and hearts when we experience such memorable times. This is a really good write, full of relatable images and emotions.  thank you for sharing this.  keep writing!  God bless you always 


  • JohnnyD gold member
    August 6, 2007

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    Bandits United!

    Like a floating, whispering piece of sheet music

    finger perfect rendition of
    The Flight Of The Bumble Bee.

    so much to enjoy in so little time, nicely done!



    Len


  • LittleAnn
    August 6, 2007

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    BANDITS UNITED !!

    I am so glad that this wonderful write is shared with us here in the group! Such a joy to read this, I can see why you won a HM for this in a contest that apparently asks for 'real' poetry.
    Keep up the excellent work!
    Annie


  • Fug-azi
    August 6, 2007
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    Bandits United!

    Great write


  • PhoenixFaith
    August 6, 2007

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    Bandits United

    A very interesting piece I must say. But very nicely write and very cute. I love the title also. Great job keep it up.

    Never give up
    Kate


  • Lady Altheia
    August 6, 2007
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    Bandits United

    This is cute. It has a mix of a variety of styles. Congrats on the green ailen trophy.

  • RatherImaginative silver member
    August 6, 2007

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    BANDITS UNITED!

    This sounds like such a neat remembrance, and you described it so vividly! These moments must have made for some wonderful family times.


  • grannyeri gold member
    August 6, 2007
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    Bandits United: Congratulations - this is your day in the spotlight - enjoy. Loved the tone of this piece, the different paces portrayed so well from the choice of your words - have the place rocking, yet go from classical or rock and roll - lovely peaceful ending too. Easy to read and understand these quips of music through the ages and a talented player.


  • Twinstar gold member
    August 6, 2007

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    Bandits United!!!

    Wonderful! My Mom played the piano by ear, so this resonates with me. Great imagery! A very charming piece you have penned here my friend.
    Love & Light
    Debbera


  • Haiku-bless-you silver member
    August 6, 2007
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    Bandits United!

    This is a wonderful write on music, family and friends that are bonding around the family piano. Great memories are etched in our minds and hearts when we experience such memorable times. This is a really good write, full of relatable images and emotions. Well done my Bandit friend.

    Dennis


  • Cupcrazy gold member
    August 6, 2007

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    Badits United!

    Beautiful piece, wonderful imagery and emotions. Very vivid and captivating. Loved it Hugs, Bunny


  • Melodies silver member
    August 6, 2007
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    BANDITS UNITED OH MY GOSH!

    This poem is starting my day and the forecast is that I will have a very HAPPY day because I read this! I love this poem because my Granddad did the same thing... He never took music lessons but he had a grand way of playing the piano that always made me grin! Lovely lines here and written with a loving heart!


  • Endeavor gold member
    August 6, 2007

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    Bandits United


    All too soon its dusk
    and the music slips away
    so we all sit down to a quiet Sunday tea.

    Very charming

    I see where the Honerable Mention came from

    Very nice





  • tawk gold member
    August 6, 2007

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    Spotlight Bandits United!

    Such wonderful imagery and emotions throughout What a wonderful and vivid picture you have painted. I would love to be there!! Excellent write, enjoy your day in the spotlight


  • blondone silver member
    August 6, 2007

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    Spotlight

    love the flow of the lines and the tones are excellent the imagery well is grand a well written poem all the way ~ best of luck to you and enjoy your day in the spotlight....Yay


  • Lady-Pegasus
    February 24, 2007

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    very melodic write and i adore the literal references to some of my own favs as well!! I would suggest a brief review for grammar and spellin errors, but otherwise a well flowing piece that makes me wanna booooogieeeee!
    Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *


    • ronnica
      February 24, 2007
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      Thank you, I will get around to the errors soon (just moved house.) glad you felt the urge--- to boogie'

      Ronn

  • Abstract Muse silver member
    February 24, 2007

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    Good write. Great imagery! I'm a musician myself, ( guitarist mostly ). But many of the people I learned from are older and complain about their inabilities to play like they use to. Yet when they just sit down and play from their heart, they are still extraordinary.
    This is a great tribute poem to people like that.
    Great thoughts, and great poem!

    ~Greg~


    • ronnica
      February 24, 2007
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      Thank you also.A M. My dad was a dance band pianist and his church organist,and teacher he could play absolutely anything, My nephew was the guitarist, sessions and cruise boats etc,We all sang, biggest failure, My brother who played Piano accordian, Arrrr.

  • -Ink Artist-
    February 21, 2007

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    The imagery you've painted is a magnificent! This whole write is very sensory and I found myself fixated as I moved from line to line. Gorgeous work! One of your best!


    ~Lori


    • ronnica
      February 21, 2007
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      By golly I got it finally YES.. I loved your reply

      ronn

  • oldmanriver1942
    February 20, 2007
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    excellent!!

    I love this poem


    • ronnica
      February 20, 2007
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      Thank Eee,,,for the smiles and the excellent comment
      Ronn

  • Charlynn
    February 19, 2007

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    I can see and hear this man perfectly, and I really enjoyed reading it. There are a few places where it doesn't flow perfectly, but it is just so wonderful anyway. Great job!


    • ronnica
      February 20, 2007
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      Thank you Charlynn.for the three, you know what's I appreciate your commenting and glad you liked it
      Its Sort of like verse and chorus,It dosn't know weather to be free or not,

      Ronnica

  • saxophonicwolf
    February 18, 2007
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    Amazing! Great Write! This poem has captured the spirit of a great pianist. It's very vivid, with a great choice of words. I like it. Thanks for entering the contest!

  • I-Am-Custard
    January 2, 2007
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    This is really lovely, the image of this man at his piano is wonderfully vivid, and you really captured how his listeners feel when they hear his music.
    It lacks a comma in bettween pedals and fingers nearer the end, but other than that this is extremely well punctuated.

    Thankyou for entering.

    • ronnica
      February 18, 2007
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      Thank you for reading for me and the comma, I normally miss more than that,I will do the repair
1 - 33 of 33